Very messy MC, feel numb.

[sarkymare]

I found out yesterday that I had had a MMC i should have been 9+3 Within two hours of being sent home with a leaflet about my options, I was rushed back to hospital with extremely heavy bleeding and full blown contractions.

A doctor performed another internal scan which had me screaming in agony. It showed the foetus was trying to come away naturally but was stuck in the neck of my womb.

Without much discussion I was given gas and air, had a speculum inserted and everything was pulled out with forceps. I could feel everything and the pain was horrendous. Once it was removed the pain vanished immediately but I spent the remainder of the night vomiting.

I was discharged this morning and I don't feel anything. I'm totally numb. I seem to have no emotions about this at all. I'm scared its all going to hit me in the next few days.

I don't know what it is I aim to achieve by posting this but thank you for reading

[Littlemissjt]

I have nothing helpful to say but didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry to hear this. Hugs x

[Eminado]

I am so sorry this happened to you.

I have no experience or anything useful to add, I just wanted to give you the biggest hug.

I am so sorry.

Someone wiser will help soon.

[bakingtins]

I'm v sorry sarky I had a v similar experience in my 2nd pregnancy in 2009. It still upsets me thinking about it. It's a horribly traumatic thing to go through and I think the numbness is a kind of shock. I expect you'll start to process it emotionally over the next few days, but please don't feel you 'should' be feeling any particular way, just allow yourself to respond as you need to.
I found posting on a similar support board back then really helpful, don't try to bottle anything up. I felt angry, sad, jealous, desperate to be pregnant, terrified of being pregnant... And it helped so much to have women saying "me too" when I felt I was losing the plot.

[Christmasbooks]

I'm so sorry to hear that . If you can, I would try and let some of your sadness out a little at a time, if that makes sense. Let yourself have a little cry in the bath, with a glass of wine. Watch a weepy movie and let a bit out that way. Take it slow. Take care of yourself.

[MehsMum]

Miscarriages are bad enough even if they're not painful.
They are also difficult to mourn: you have lost a potential child, and your view of the future has to change to fit around that. At the same time, you aren't mourning the death of a person with a known personality, but of a possible person about whom you know very little - except that you loved it.

I got pg pretty quickly after my mc, but the baby I lost at 10 weeks remains lost even now - DC2 is not a replacement, but someone completely different.

[sarkymare]

Thank you all.

I feel like I have some sort of mental block about the whole thing. I just can't seem to feel anything in particular. I feel like I should be sad and grieving but I'm not. I'm just getting on with things. As if I'm on auto pilot.

I did have five minutes yesterday when I had a little cry but as quick as the tears came they dried up again and I resumed the tidying up.

I just don't even know where to begin processing all of this. With my first MC I had only known I was pregnant for about a week and miscarried at home. I was distraught for about a fortnight and couldn't so much as look at a pregnant woman or child. But now I feel nothing except emptiness and guilt. It was going to be my child and I should be sad but I'm just not. What the fuck is wrong with me?!

[MehsMum]

Nothing is wrong with you. You're just processing this one differently, that's all. Possibly you have to think through what happened to you first, and then think about the potential child you've lost.

Grief in real life is a tricksy, unpredictable thing.

[bakingtins]

Nothing wrong. You deal with it how you deal with it. No rules for grieving.

[Christmasbooks]

I think that kind of numbness is basically shock, and you should certainly not feel guilty, any more than someone who breaks their arm and goes into shock, therefore not feeling immediate pain, should feel guilty. It's the same thing. It's to allow you to take a bit of time to let it out gradually. À horrible, horrible thing has happened to you. Give yourself time. Don't bottle it up but just allow yourself space too.

[spiderlight]

So sorry - what an awful experience. As Christmasbooks says, this is shock - it will pass and the tears will come, but be gentle with yourself.

[Shockingundercrackers]

I'm so sorry OP. There's nothing wrong with you. With my second MC I was much more pragmatic about it all. With a first MC the shock is just horrendous but in my experience, subsequent MCs although just as horrific physically (or more so in your case, you poor thing) can simply not be as hard to bear emotionally. You may well be overcome some time in the future then bury it and move on. I did. There's nothing wrong with that - you will find your own way to deal with something so awful. If not processing it all immediately is the least damaging for you, then it might well be the best.

[Andcake]

I had a v similar experience - I ended up having a week off work which helped but only time really helped - took many months really. Be kind to yourself. I still shudder years later and with a lovely ds.

[meerschweinchen]

Nothing's wrong with you - it's just shock.
I'm so sorry this has happened. I too have had a mmc and it was horrible. As a previous poster said, you mourn the lost potential child. My mmc wasn't anything near as painful as yours sounds. After I'd had a scan at 12 weeks which showed the baby wasn't developing properly, I started bleeding the next day. Luckily I was at home and it all happened naturally. I was devastated at the time, but your experience sounds altogether more traumatic.

And as for the numbness, I think that's what happens when you have a shock. I know it's a different situation altogether, but my Dad died very suddenly 8 months ago. I still feel as if I'm in shock now, and haven't even begun to really process it all. I still feel numb in many ways now, and I just carry on my daily routine, without really dealing properly with my feelings.

There are no rules. Just get through each day at a time