Missed miscarriage - need help

[bigfatbump]

I had a scan today at 14+2 which revealed a mmc at 13+1. I am still totally numb and in shock, weepy and most of all scared about tomorrow. I have to go back in for medical management - some tablets then home to see if they work. Thing is, I really don't know what to expect - if I am at home and start bleeding, what do I do? I mean, really silly, horrible questions are in my head, ones I may not feel able to ask tomorrow because of dh. Do I get sanitary towels, sit on the loo? What do I do with the sac and fetus, do I flush it away or What? Are these normal questions, I just have no idea. Sorry if this is upsetting people, I just don't know what to do. Please help me.

[sorrell]

I can't help but bumping in case anyone else can. Poor you.

[foundintranslation]

I am very sorry you have had a mmc

You are not asking silly questions at all. Any mc is a frightening and horrible experience. Any question you need to ask is a normal question, and anything you feel is normal and OK.

If and when you start bleeding, you don't have to sit on the loo, just wear sanitary towels. If you find the bleeding is so heavy that you are soaking through a pad in an hour or less, or if you are in a lot of pain, get medical attention. You should attempt to save thw sac and foetus if you can bear it, as the hospital may want to do tests to try and ascertain any cause for the mc.

Were you given the option of a D&C/ERPC? I have had two miscarriages (one incomplete and one blighted ovum) which were managed with D&C (plus one natural miscarriage, which was very early and so didn't need any intervention) and found that they, for me, helped to reduce the trauma - the whole thing was over more quickly. I also found them painless. However, it is not the route for everyone.

Again, I'm very sorry you are having to go through this, and I'm thinking of you. x

[running2standstill]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and after sitting in A&E for 4 hours the doctor asked me why I was there! I had by this time bled through half a dozen pads and 2 pairs of trousers. All I can tell you is that I didn't have any pain but was losing clots like squishy golf balls, sometimes 2 or 3 at a time. This lasted for a couple of days and I think the D&C was after I'd stopped bleeding - to clear the womb of any debris that may cause infection. I did a lot of sitting on the loo and in the bath when it was heavy though - it was easier. Do hope this helps, take care x

[bigfatbump]

Thanks
I haven't been offered a D&C yet, not sure which is worse/better really. I don't really know what that is, though I have a vague idea. I didn't find out till about 4pm and couldn't stay for my full consultation as we had to get dd from nursery. So maybe they'll go through that tomorrow.
Thanks again, this has really helped.

[Uki]

Hello bfb

So sorry this has happened to you especially so late. You must still be in shock.

I hope i can help, i think like (fit) suggest you try and get the fetus tested, i didn't keep mine, but last fortnight was told by recurrent m/c clinic that it would have been good if it was tested.

I opted to have m/c natural but only because already had heavy bleeding, From my experience I think a 13 week pregnancy would need to have a D&C as it is only before 7 weeks that one is not needed. Like you i had mmc although 12 week preg, but baby died at 7+3 weeks.
Anyway i hope the hospital looks after you, and sending you hugs.

[smunky]

Hi bigfatbump, really sorry to hear your story. I was diagnosed with MMC at 13+0, on 21st Sept, where I was told the pregnancy had failed at 8+0.

Expect to be in total shock for a good few days; it's a huge headf/k to realise that all your expectations for breaking the happy news, and your plans for the next 6 months which you were finally allowing yourself to believe, have been wiped out, but to find out from a scan rather than your body miscarrying naturally feels like a seriously cruel betrayal.

foundintranslation's advice is sound, and I would highly recommend an ERPC if possible; I was given one on Monday, (2nd Oct) and can't believe how quick and easy it was. I haven't even needed painkillers since, and psychologically it's been great as I feel that I can get back to square one. Although I wasn't worried by the idea of having the foetus inside me, I did feel that while I was carrying it I was in a state of limbo.

I brought on bleeding myself, prior to the op, using raspberry leaf tablets and tea. If you've already been given medication, then I would hesitate to recommend this, but for anyone else who reads this and is awaiting an ERPC, I would totally recommend it. I felt like I had some control over my body, and that the ERPC would be less of a shock to my system if the cramps and bleeding were already happening. I didn't pass any tissue in this time (1 week), but was mentally prepared that it might possibly happen.

My heart goes out to you, bigfatbump, and hope that you recover both physically and mentally in super-quick time...

[helling]

I was in same situation with 1st pregnancy and have not forgotten the heartache, my thoughts are with you. Be kind to yourself for the next few months (lots of pampering, no unnecessary stress, no major life decisions), make sure those close to you are supporting you, don't hesitate to seek help. Allow yourself to grieve for this baby so that you can heal.