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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

How to cope with passing the embryo?

5 replies

NewbieT · 07/10/2014 03:40

I am 12+3 and pretty sure I'm miscarrying. Had an early 'reassurance' scan at 8 weeks, was told the egg sac was too big and the embryo too small - sonographer gave it 50/50 chance of continuing. GP faxed the scan report to the EPU and they said it looked within normal perameters to them, so have been waiting for 12 week scan, which is tomorrow - but now I am bleeding, I have pain and clots, feel sure this is it :-(

I am just so scared that I won't be able to cope with passing the embryo / sac - if it has already started can I still have a D&C ? How can I handle it at home? I can't just flush my baby away :-( what happens to it in the hospital, can I have a priest's blessing or will they think I'm mad?

Sorry for the graphic questions but I'm just terrified.

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willitbe · 07/10/2014 11:58

So sorry you are gong through this. I notice you posted this morning so this reply may be too late for you.

Every miscarriage is different so it is not possible to say how things will go for you. I can only give an idea of how mine have normally gone.

Once the cramps and bleeding start it may progress quickly or slowly. If you start bleeding heavily (they talk about filling a sanitary pad in an hour) then go straight to hospital. If the pain becomes unmanageable for you then going to hospital might help.

Otherwise you can stay at home. Use painkillers and hot water bottle etc as you might with a bad period.

At some point you will probably experience contractions (similar to giving birth), breath through these , try not to tense up. I on some occasions instinctively put my hand down below and caught the sac passing. One happened while I was out in the supermarket toilets.,

TMI but I wrapped it in toilet paper and took it home and it was buried in the garden and we put a plant over to remind us of our loss.

A priest may feel a bit odd doing a blessing, but you can ask, if it would help you then do.

I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

If you do go into hospital and have an ERPC they may ask (or you can request) that the baby is tested to check for genetic issues. You may or may not feel comfortable with this. I did in two of my losses and it was helpful to know that genetically they could not have survived and that I found out their genders.

One thing I have found very helpful is giving each of our losses a name.

Be kind to yourself at this sad time.

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bakingtins · 07/10/2014 12:50

HI newbie so sorry to hear you are facing this. I've had 4 losses at 8-10 weeks and only seen the sac once (when I was trying to catch it for testing) so it may be that you pass a lot of blood clots and the sac is unnoticed. If you do recognise it then you can choose to bury it or take it in to the hospital. I had my first loss in hospital and the embryo was cremated - they hold a service at the hospital chaplaincy once a month which you could attend if you wished (I didn't) but I was able to request a prayer to be included in the service, and to write an entry for their book of remembrance. I would approach the hospital chaplain as they are likely to have experience of dealing with pregnancy losses that your average priest/vicar will probably not have. In most trusts they will not genetically test an embryo on the NHS for a first trimester loss unless you are a recurrent miscarriage patient (3 consecutive losses) though you may be able to pay for testing (it's c £200).
Whether or not you identify the sac I would recommend doing something to commemorate the loss - you can still follow willitbe 's example and have a special plant, or a piece of jewellery, or a candle, or release a balloon .... the rituals that normally would surround a bereavement help you to grieve.
In theory you can still have a surgical management of miscarriage if you have started bleeding, the difficulty is usually that they won't book you a slot for several days by which time it's probably too late.
It makes my heart ache to see someone posting in the wee small hours and feeling alone and frightened. I hope you are coping and being cared for. Flowers

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NewbieT · 07/10/2014 16:19

You are both so nice for posting about your experiences and I am so grateful for sharing, to help me. I am so sorry for your multiple losses.

Thanks again for your help I am so, so grateful for the advice xx

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bakingtins · 08/10/2014 18:39

How are you today, newbie ?

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CSLewis · 09/10/2014 22:44

Hi Newbie, hope you are ok. If the worst happens and you lose your baby, no-one, especially not a priest, will think you mad to have your baby blessed and/or buried. I have been to the burials of several babies of my friends who haven't made it to birth, and they were very beautiful.

There is a very detailed and helpful thread on here somewhere about dealing with the practicalities of miscarriage - I will try to bump it for you. Hopefully you won't need it x

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