miscarriage after care -do you receive any? (and my m/c story)

[ElleyBear13]

Hello mumsnetters,

I'm hoping for any advice really as you have given me alot during my short time being pregnant. I lost my baby eight days ago now, at six weeks and three days.

The morning that it happened (wednesday 17/9) i was on holiday (in england) so i rang my GP surgery and the doctor phoned me back to explain that bleeding was normal and if i was m/c they couldn't do anything and it was too early to scan. I had terrible, awful cramps and bleeding alot, but with the advice i carried on and tried to go for a ramble in the forest with my hubby. We didnt get very far as my trousers were soaked, and i was doubled over. So we went back to the lodge-house and i sat on the loo doubled over while my hubby phoned 111 (who were very kind and sympathetic) we went to the local a+e department and spent the rest of the day there, we saw five doctors and finally was passed onto a gynecologist in the late evening (who said there was nothing to be done really and i was best to see a midwife, as there could be three possibilities to whats causing it) Anyways after that they made a early scan for me and told me to come back tomorrow afternoon, but it the cramping got worse or the chest pains got more painful come straight back to a+e.

So i put up with the pain and went back to our holiday lodge, my hubby started packing so we could go home straight after the scan. It was awful i had no hot water bottles or pain killers, and we had no idea what was happening, but deep down i knew we lost the baby. My hubby was very hopeful and thought that the docs didnt seem to concerned so we must be fine. Later that night i passed a few large clots and a opaque brown blob (which i presume now is the sack?). And we went back the next day and had our early scan, which showed nothing. No baby. No heartbeat. We walked out of the scan room into the waiting room where there was at least five heavily pregnant women staring at us. We were both in tears. The blood tests came back with normal hcg levels for six week pregnant but i was told to have more done with my local hospital to see if they go up or down. The midwives were very lovely and kind.

Anywhoos this is where we expected more advice/guidance with my local hospital and midwife... but i was wrong.

When we got the the pregnancy assessment unit (friday), the receptionist was lovely but a tad insensitive (i think but i am abit touchy atm) and told us to wait outside in the corridor as i was sobbing and the waiting room had pregnant ladies which might upset everyone waiting for there scans. Finally i was seen by a midwife who took my blood and i repeated my story, it was a high possibility of me miscarrying, i was told that they'd ring back at lunch time with the blood count results and i could take paracetamol for the pain. She told me they were sorry and we were shown the door.

So lunch time passed, as did tea time and at 7pm i couldnt wait anymore so phoned them. I understand the NHS is busy and felt terrible for calling, the midwife explained they were very busy with 'pregnant ladies' and she hadnt had time to read my results and would phone me back asap. At 8pm we finally got a phone call the results showed my readings had dropped considerably and to take another pregnancy test in two weeks and phone us back. That was that. Nothing else.

Noone gave me advice on how long its meant to last, on what to expect, on cramping, whether i can use pads and tampons, advice for my hubby, time off from work or trying again. I was told at my early bird appointment (the monday before it happened) not to read any other website for pregnancy advice just NHS.

I know she wasn't really a baby, and i know she didnt have a gender yet. But i had dreams for her, and i feel a bit shunned and feel like im making a big fuss about it when its just a m/c. The cramps are still here, although not as painful and im still bleeding not as heavy more like a period. Am i wrong to expect more care or advice? The best advice ive received is from my mother-in-law whose lost four of her babies in the past, she told me i could get a sick note and can have time of from work. I feel abit lost atm and just needed someone to talk to.

elley x

[bakingtins]

Hi elley I'm so sorry you lost your baby. I'm afraid your experience is very common, there is nothing anyone can do to stop a miscarriage, prior to 6 weeks scans are not helpful to say if a pregnancy is viable and it's such an every day thing for EPU to deal with they forget how devastating it is when it's you losing a baby.
Mumsnet has been running a campaign calling for better miscarriage care, when you feel strong enough it might be worth writing a constructive letter explaining how they could have handled it better.
To answer your questions, the bleeding is likely to last 1-2 weeks and you need to use pads rather than tampons. If you get any smell or unpleasant discharge ( clots are normal) feel unwell or have pain worse than standard painkillers can deal with then you need to be checked for infection. If there was no retained material at your scan you won't be rescanned but you should take a home pregnancy test when the bleeding stops and make sure it's negative, if it's still positive phone for advice. Your GP will sign you off work until you feel well enough physically and emotionally to go back, most people would take at least a week off.
The Miscarriage Association has a series of information leaflets, including one aimed at fathers, and a helpline if you want to talk to someone.
Keep posting here for support as well, it does help to write or talk about it.