I've posted a couple of times on this board and I had some nice messages of support when I had my mmc in May.
We haven't told either sets of parents yet as we live thousands of miles away. At first we couldn't believe it ourselves and went from an ecstatic high of planning and looking at prams etc. to being in the depths of despair. Once it had sunk in and I finally miscarried it didn't seem right to tell them over the 'phone knowing how upset they would be also.
Now I feel that I will be able to talk about it rationally, we talk about our little one all the time just between us and can now do so without crying.
My problem is that we're going back to our home country soon for a week before we go on another weeks holiday by ourselves.
My mum has been constantly hassling me about "giving me another grandchild" etc etc since we got married 3 years ago. She is obsessed. I did not tell her that we were ttc in the first place in order to avoid the pressure, I mean at the moment every time we speak on the phone/face time she ask "are you pregnant yet". And this is after I have told her we may try in the future, not sure yet if we want to ttc yet, I do not want to talk to you about that etc. hasn't worked.
She loves to boast about how she got pregnant with me and my brother at the drop of a hat and how my SIL also managed to get pregnant first try both times with my nephews and they are gorgeous and healthy.
This all makes me feel inadequate and a failure of course.
Now, I want to tell my mum when we see her to get her off my back. I have had countless conversations with her where I have told her that I feel the whole topic is personal and I do not want to discuss it with her. Today I received this text: Great news that the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant again. Good to see they're cracking on with it.
It makes me aaaarrrrrghh! I know she doesn't have a clue obviously about what we've been through but I didn't want to tell her as I couldn't handle her grief as well as our own. I just couldn't figure out a way to tell her that our baby died.
So this is my chance to tell my parents about it and to ask my mum to stop banging on about how fertile and lucky everyone else is.
My problem is that I don't want to have to discuss it with my ILs either, I mean it feel way to personal for me to chat to them about my reproductive system. I also feel that they will blame me as in well DS did his job but she couldn't keep the baby.
It wouldn't be fair for us to talk to my parents and not his about it but the whole thing makes me want to curl up. I cannot say this to DH as he will be upset. He was devastated and still is and he didn't tell anyone about it. I had told 2 friends as I started to really bleed while at work and had to tell my colleague who covered for me. My other friend had asked how about you do you think you might want kids soon? I couldn't stop smiling and she obviously knew and that's how she found out as my poker face sucked!
So after a long, ramble post I am asking how do we tell our family about it? I cannot continue fielding off my mum without letting her know but I would rather curl up than speak to DH's parents.
It cuts me up remembering him crying and saying how he wished he had someone he could talk to about it and how he felt. He was so amazing while it was going on and while we waiting for me to actually miscarry. I want him to be able to chat to whoever he feels like about it as he needs to vent also.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
How did you tell your family about missed miscarriage?
19 replies
EmberElftree · 08/09/2014 14:46
OP posts:
ToriB34 ·
08/09/2014 20:05
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