What can I bring when visiting someone after miscarriage?

(37 Posts)
MildDrPepperAddiction Mon 18-Aug-14 10:29:01

DH will be visiting someone who has had a miscarriage last week and doesn't want to turn up empty handed. What is appropriate to bring? Flowers? What is needed/appreciated at this time?

Thanks

MildDrPepperAddiction Mon 18-Aug-14 10:49:49

Bump

MildDrPepperAddiction Mon 18-Aug-14 11:54:06

Anyone?

Isabeller Mon 18-Aug-14 12:01:45

I don't know the answer really but here are my thoughts.

I went to a wedding at the weekend where they had hung lots of hearts on a tree made of all different things, ie shells, wood one of those heart shaped decorations might be lovely.

Maybe a candle in a beautiful holder?

Alternatively maybe the sort of edible thing you might take to someone who wasn't well, nice fruit, biscuits "medicinal" chocolate depending on the person.

However you choose to show your love it will be felt I am sure.

MildDrPepperAddiction Mon 18-Aug-14 12:03:33

The candle is a nice idea. It's very hard to know what is the right thing.

TinyTear Mon 18-Aug-14 12:05:42

that is odd as I have had 5 and would not have wanted them acknowledged in such a way...

TinyTear Mon 18-Aug-14 12:06:32

odd as in every person is different... i mean...

do you know if they are more open about the MC? i only told very few people and couldn't talk about it in real life without crying, only online

SoonToBeSix Mon 18-Aug-14 12:08:56

I have had two miscarriage and wouldn't have wanted anything visual as every time I looked at the flowers for exams I imagine I would have cried. What I did appreciate was someone sitting with me when I felt low and just being there not necessarily talking about it. You sound like a great friend.

SoonToBeSix Mon 18-Aug-14 12:09:09

Example not exams

januarysnowdrop Mon 18-Aug-14 12:12:51

I tend to send friends in this situation something along the lines of cake/chocolate/bubble bath/a funny novel that they might enjoy. Somebody gave me some nice tea from Teapigs after one particularly horrible miscarriage, which was very thoughtful. It depends on the person, though, really - different people feel very differently about miscarriages. Some might love flowers or a candle, others might find them a bit overwhelming. Don't overthink it - the fact that he's visiting and wants to take something is lovely. Just acknowledging how crap she must be feeling is all that's really needed - if she wants to talk more I'm sure she will.

ButEmilylovedhim Mon 18-Aug-14 12:14:22

I received some flowers after my mc, delivered to the door. I was very, very touched. It was a large bouquet. While big doesn't mean better and I normally care not at all how much something was, it kind of meant the big thing that had happened to me was being acknowledged. They were from friends of my parents, completely unexpected and meant so, so much to me.

MildDrPepperAddiction Mon 18-Aug-14 13:41:18

Thanks for all the replies.

Tiny tears, not trying to 'acknowledge' the miscarriage as such, just want to give something that may bring some comfort at this time.

bonzo77 Mon 18-Aug-14 13:44:07

Cake. Nice bath stuff. I wouldn't have wanted flowers. People bring flowers for new babies and for graves.

TinyTear Mon 18-Aug-14 13:45:31

i understand and you sound lovely and a great friend...

i am a very private person in a way and kept the MCs from all but my very close friends and online support forums and it would have tipped me over.

i understand not everyone is the same, so just wanted to give a different perspective

MildDrPepperAddiction Mon 18-Aug-14 13:52:02

Thanks Tinytear. It is good to get another view.

Maybe something with a shelf life so she doesn't have a constant reminder or can bin it if she wants without feeling bad.

AlpacaYourThings Mon 18-Aug-14 13:55:38

I had a miscarriage in April and to be honest, I wouldn't have wanted anything. Some kind words when you came over and a 'is there anything I can do, I'm so sorry' would have been more than enough.

Be careful with getting something with a shelf life as the 'death' of the flowers for example could be upsetting.

MildDrPepperAddiction Mon 18-Aug-14 14:19:58

Thanks alpaca. I wouldn't have thought of that.

elQuintoConyo Mon 18-Aug-14 14:33:23

Lasagne? Something to eat in case she doesn't feel like cooking? (Unsure if there's a dp).

I'd consider chocolate or flowers as something celebratory. A candle would go in the bin.

Greyhound Mon 18-Aug-14 14:35:44

How kind you are - I appreciated people just acknowledging my loss and saying they were sorry.

AlpacaYourThings Mon 18-Aug-14 14:39:32

A cake would be nice and it isn't unusual to take a cake when you visit someone's home.

FWIW, you sound like a lovely friend.

twentyten Mon 18-Aug-14 14:41:24

Posh chocs would go down well- neutral and medicinal

soupmaker Mon 18-Aug-14 14:43:22

How well does your DH know your friend?

I've had two MC and I only wanted a few kind words saying how sorry people were or with friends who I knew had been where I was a good cry and girly chat. I didn't want anything to mark the occasion.

April2013 Tue 19-Aug-14 15:57:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brummiegirl15 Wed 20-Aug-14 09:05:25

I had my 2nd miscarriage in 3 months on Sunday/Monday so as you can imagine life is pretty raw.

I've had 2 lots of flowers already, and tbh they didn't make me sad, I was incredibly touched that people were thinking of me.

A visit with kind words will honestly be enough so don't feel you have to take a present.

googietheegg Wed 20-Aug-14 09:10:34

I'd have liked a few magazines and some cake or chocolate, maybe nice tea bags. Just so you could have something nice to fill quiet/sad moments. Not flowers.

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