Mmc- freelancer, should I tell work or continue working through while waiting

(4 Posts)
QuirkyGirl1 Fri 08-Aug-14 16:22:22

I went for an early scan yesterday at 8+5, they didn't say much other than the baby was too small to see a HB, not to stress and to come back for a re scan in 7-10 days. No more words, just sent me home. I knew it wasn't right as I'd always seen things clearly by this stage, and I could also tell by their faces even though they tried to show nothing.

At home I read the report sheet they'd given me. It was devastating. It said the age by dates was 8+5 but by scan 5+6. What's worse is it said multiple pregnancy and listed two babies both 4mm and both with no heartbeats.

I had asked before leaving whether my work would affect anything as I work very busy nightshifts (not knowing there was definitely a problem at that stage) and they said no. However now I've read the info I know it was an mmc.

I'm scared a) that I'll start to miscarry overnight at work
b) if anyone so much as asks 'how are you' that I'll burst into tears.
c) that if I tell them I won't get hired by this company again, and it really is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

I'm working a nightshift tonight (they could never cover my shift at this short notice), any thoughts or advice?

TheRainDrops Sun 10-Aug-14 16:37:18

quirky I'm sorry you're going through such a rotten time and I'm sorry no one answered your post on Friday when you needed advice. How are things today?
I had a MMC myself and I didn't miscarry (naturally) till 5 weeks after the embryo stopped growing, but these things can vary hugely.
Is it possible you got your dates wrong at all? I don't know anything about multiple pregnancies but might that possibly play a part in the embryos being smaller than expected for a singleton pregnancy? I don't want to suggest false hope, but if you've had no cramping or other symptoms as yet I'd hold tight for that second scan.
In the meantime, if you don't have to work then call in sick. It's an extremely traumatic time, I took 3 weeks off from the date my MC was discovered. With regards to not getting hired again, I'd like to think no company would be so heartless to blacklist someone for something like this. Is there anyone there you can confide in?

Catlover2014 Sun 10-Aug-14 17:59:06

Sorry I missed this post quirky. How are things? It is easy to get dates mixed up and even if it's only a glimmer of hope I would most certainly hold onto that until your next scan.

I think you probably should take sometime out of work but I understand as a freelance there will be money implications etc. I would like to think most people would be understanding. Just be honest with them.

Hugs to you and hoping you have good fortune in the future. Xxx

QuirkyGirl1 Sun 10-Aug-14 21:51:44

Thank you both. There isn't any question about the dates, I had a positive test at exactly 4 wks (ie 4wks+ 5days ago).

As a follow up in case other people are in this situation I shall say it was a hard night to get through. If I was employed I would have taken a few nights off no question. As it was, when I turned up to work everyone was laughing and joking and it did make me feel better. I smiled for the first time, having been crying for about 24 hrs straight beforehand. If they knew my situation then they would have shown sympathy and sadness which would have set me off again! I did tell one colleague there though. I didn't know him well but I felt I just needed someone to 'have my back' and he made sure I had a fairly easy workload. He diverted some trickier work to someone else at one point, telling them I wasn't feeling well.

I'm also glad I didn't tell my boss at that point as I know they would have: shown sympathy, which would lead me to cry, which would make them feel like I wouldn't cope with working, leading to me getting replaced which is understandable. It's a technically tricky job where everyone has to pull their weight. The flip side is that when actively working it took my mind off it and I genuinely felt normal again, once I got home I went back to grieving again (ok sobbing uncontrollably, but I feel like crying hard is my way of getting over things quicker). I also texted about 5 friends that didn't even know I was pregnant about it and that really helped. Talking always helps, especially with people that have gone through it themselves.

The second night at work was much easier.

I've been looking up the type of twin it said I had. Monochlorionic/monoamniotic (MoMo). These are incredibly rare 1:60,000 pregnancies but with only a 50% chance of survival and a 70% chance that one or both will be severely disabled! On one hand I've always dreamed of having twins and identical ones just sound magical. But on the other hand with stats so scary it makes me think I have to trust my body/nature to know what's best and if it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be.

One weird thing, even though there's no HB and I think they probably passed away weeks ago, I still keep putting my hand on my tummy, feeling so protective and loving towards them. At least they are together.

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