Feeling sad

(6 Posts)
Periwinklepolarbear Mon 04-Aug-14 08:23:36

Last week I suffered my 2nd miscarriage this year. This week is annual holiday week with the in-laws. Usually we stay dmil amd dfil in their holiday cottage and are joined by dsil amd dbil for a few days. This yr I was informed that halfway through the wk dh and I would need to rent another cottage as dbil and dsil have a 7mth old that now needed its own room. Im struggling this week. From my first pregnancy this yr I would have been 30wks. it's all so unfair. So far all we've talked about is the baby and all its firsts etc. I'm acting like a child but can't shake the feeling of sadness and urge to cry constantly. I want to be happy and welcoming but Im not sure I can do it. Thought I was coping well til mil tells me the christening is on what would have been my due date. aibu to not want to go? Sorry this is a long and pointless rant!! DH hasn't told his family about my 2nd miscarriage as he didnt want to make them sad before their holiday so I guess I'll have to keep smiling to keep everyone else happy. This is so rubbish :-/ When will I start to feel normal again????

Jumblebee Mon 04-Aug-14 08:49:05

I have nothing useful or comforting to say but I couldn't read and run. I'm so sorry for your losses, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Hopefully someone will be along soon with better advice than I can give.

St4rfish Mon 04-Aug-14 11:00:43

Hi Periwinkle. I'm sorry you are in this position. My advice would be to tell your in laws that you have had another miscarriage. Whilst it would be very noble of you to try and be stoic and say nothing, as it is so soon after your miscarriage and all the attention will be on your niece/nephew, I think you will find this very hard. We went away with some friends after my MMC last year and one couple there had their new born with them which I found incredibly hard to deal with (it took me three days to pluck up the courage to hold her) and that was a full 6 months after my miscarriage. I would also say think carefully about the christening and whether you can go. I avoided two christenings after my miscarriage (one was two weeks afterwards and one was the following month) and I don't regret it; no one seemed bothered that I didn't go and were quite understanding about why. I just didn't feel strong enough and didn't want to spoil things by being weepy or sullen.
Please tell your family - it won't spoil their holiday and if they are loving and supportive, then it will make things easier for you.
As an aside, what 7 month old needs it's own room?! Can't he/she just sleep in a travel cot in the same room as the parents?! That would make me pretty cross. An alternative would be to just not go at all?

alarox Mon 04-Aug-14 11:32:44

thanks for you Periwinkle. It's hard suffering something so horrible yet keeping silent so as not to ruin other's joy. I'm struggling myself. I found out Saturday I've miscarried. Yesterday a close friend revealed she was pregnant and due near my due date. She has no idea of my situation. I was so happy for her but I hurt so much. I can't tell my family, they've suffered enough sad news this year, plus there are some big family celebrations this week and next I have to try and put a brave face on for. I don't know how this miscarriage (my 2nd one) will pan out, but I feel I must try and keep it under wraps if possible. However part of me is starting to think sod trying to pretend all is fine, just tell it as it is and barricade myself in the house.

ChatEnOeuf Mon 04-Aug-14 13:42:31

Bugger, I just wrote a long reply and it disappeared. I'll try and recreate it... I've also had two miscarriages with year, the latest just this week. It's horrible and the constant baby chat does just ram it home, I know. Is there one of the family you can confide in? Or make your DH do so - they're his family after all. Then maybe that person could quietly ask your SiL to tone down the baby talk a touch. It's a shame, but new parents do think that their baby is the only best thing to talk about.

The Christening date is awkward but probably not deliberately planned to be hurtful. See how you feel closer to the time - you might be pregnant yourself again and feel better about going. If not, explain your reasons, buy a lovely gift and you and DH go somewhere to look after yourselves.

I agree, the baby should be in with its mum and dad, our DD is when we stay with friends and she's nearly three!

Periwinklepolarbear Tue 05-Aug-14 08:14:58

Thanks for all your replies, it's made me feel that I'm not behaving like a crazy person and these feelings are normal (!) I was starting to feel like a horrible person sad I've spoken to my DH about how I'm feeling and he was genuinely shocked and said as I appeared ok he thought all was fine. He's done a grand job of changing the subject a lot smile I went a bit crazy in the toy shop with presents and am looking forward to seeing dn just hope i can keep smiling smile I think I'll spk to my dsil and explain as i feel bad for not making an effort for the past few months.

I'm so sorry for your losses. I have my fingers and toes crossed we all have better news by the end of 2014 xx

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