In limbo - waiting for results on low fetal heartbeat - 2nd pregnancy after MC in Feb

(16 Posts)
charlieis30 Thu 31-Jul-14 11:19:55

Following MC at 7wks in Feb (started bleeding spontaneously, fetus only measured 5w4d, MCd naturally 2 days later) I became pregnant again in June. I decided to pay for 8wk private scan this week. So on Tuesday I found out that the embryo only measured 6w5d (should have been 7w6d) and had an extremely low fetal heartrate (about half what it should be). I've been told to expect the worse by both the scan tech and my GP. I am doing HCG blood tests (2nd is tomorrow) and having a followup scan next Friday. But I've read the stats and I know that I'm incredibly likely to MC, at the latest by 12 weeks , and that even if I don't then the baby is likely to have chromosomal or heart defects.
I'm really struggling, I work from home so haven't actually had to take time off work but I'm crying all the time, I don't want to get on my laptop since I can't stop googling low fetal heartrate. I just sleep and read. My morning sickness is still pretty bad and I'm having light cramping almost constantly.
I can't make any decisions until I know next week whether the baby's heart has stopped beating. I don't even really know what the options are, if it's still low. The other MC was difficult as it was the first but it was natural so it all happened so fast. This is totally different.
I feel like I've let my DH down, this is supposed to be our first child, and other than him I'm feeling so alone.

bakingtins Thu 31-Jul-14 12:09:47

I'm so sorry charlie the limbo is awful. I've been in a similar situation and for me it didn't end well. To answer your question, they won't do anything if a heartbeat is still present, even if nobody is giving you hope of a good outcome. I had a couple of weeks where my baby measured well behind dates and had a poor HB and I just had to ride it out until the heartbeat stopped, when I did miscarry naturally (but medical or surgical would have been options at that point also)
You haven't let anyone down, this is not your fault. Most MC are due to a random chromosome problem with the baby. Even in the unlikely event that it turns out that (like me) there is some problem with you that causes miscarriage, that still isn't your fault - you wouldn't blame yourself if it was your kidneys/heart/limbs that were faulty, would you?
It can feel very lonely, but there are many many women who have been through something similar and are here to support you. Holding your hand as you face a tough wait for the next scan flowers

April2013 Thu 31-Jul-14 12:10:45

oh I'm so sorry this sounds like such a difficult time, maybe you could try giving the miscarriage association helpline a ring or email them?
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/support/how-we-can-help/
you've definitely not let down your DH, I had a MMC, found out last week, I totally know what you mean about it making you feel alone x

charlieis30 Thu 31-Jul-14 13:58:35

Thanks both, exp bakingtins it's reassuring to know someone else has been through this. I know in my mid that it's chromosomal but I'm reaching for answers/reasons.
It sounds awful to say it, but since there's a 99% chance I'll miscarry, I just wish it would happen so I can start healing and try again.

ToriB34 Thu 31-Jul-14 16:46:35

oh Charlie. .. I'm so sorry you're going through such a terrible time. I had medical management last week of our first pregnancy and the waiting for that repeat scan is hideous. I know too what you mean about feeling you've let hubby down as I feel the same - but you haven't - what happens in pregnancy is completely out of your control and theres no blame here.

Look after yourself xx

charlieis30 Mon 04-Aug-14 12:55:50

Hi girls
Just wanted to let you know that scan today showed heart had stopped. Feeling strangely calm, think I knew from the low HR last week that this one wasn't meant to be. Very sad though.

sizethree Tue 05-Aug-14 12:57:04

Charlie I'm so sorry to read your update. It must be heartbreaking and the longest few days of your life.
I understand only too well how you must be feeling. Last Tuesday I was diagnosed with he same and sadly today went back and had the pregnancy loss confirmed. I had a MMC back in November and it was a struggle to fall pregnant again (in fact conceived the month of my previous due date - perfect timing I had thought - makes it even sadder to lose this one too).
I just want to wish you love abc comfort and hope that this pain subsides. X

charlieis30 Tue 05-Aug-14 17:58:56

Hi sizethree - thanks for your words. So they had you go back to confirm? My EPU confirmed yesterday. She said that the heartbeat had stopped then took the pictures off to another doc to confirm. But it's been horrible, I'm still having symptoms today so there's a tiny part of me that's like "what if she's wrong?" (even though I know in my heart of hearts that she's not. They couldn't get me in for an erpc this week but DH is away next week so I'm just waiting to MC naturally and might book in the week after if I haven't by then.

Olive1987 Tue 05-Aug-14 19:21:15

I'm so sorry Charlie, I can't imagine what you must be feeling actually waiting for it to happen. I hope it's over quickly for you and I wish you the best of luck for the future. X

sizethree Wed 06-Aug-14 17:19:29

Hi Charlie. The way it unfolded for me was that I had an emergency scan last Tuesday at my EPU due to some light bleeding and some cramping. I should've been 7+2 weeks but only measured around 6 weeks. There was a weak heartbeat found, and I was told to rest up and keep my fingers crossed and booked in for a repeat scan the following week. Sadly that night the bleeding got worse and for the next few days too, and I realised that I'd lost the pregnancy. I'm Edinburgh based so don't know if there's different rules in other parts of the uk, but even thought I called the EPU again to say I think I'd miscarried, they don't scan any sooner than a week between each scan. So when I returned yesterday it was to confirm the bad news.
My previous MC was a missed one at 12 weeks (started spotting 2 days before my 12 week scan) but I only measured 8+4 weeks. I opted for the medical management and I found the experience really very challenging physically and emotionally. But this time I knew I could deal with the worst as the worst had happened before. And thankfully it was a bit less traumatic as there was (don't mean to be graphic) but less of everything. I got some dihydracodeine from the gp and have busied myself with home organisation.
I'm hoping that your body is kind to you and things progress naturally and as painlessly as possible. It's such a heartbreakingly sad time. X

charlieis30 Wed 06-Aug-14 18:18:56

I'm really sorry sizethree.
I think I'm going to get an ERPC, I don't want to have to wait for what might be weeks. They said they don't need to confirm, they took the private one as the first and she showed the pics to another doc. I was reading her report today and the embryo was WAY too small for the timeframe and for the sac. It's done. I can get in for an ERPC either Friday or Tuesday so I think I'm going to go that route just so it's over & I can try to start moving on.

sizethree Wed 06-Aug-14 18:56:01

Hope it all goes as smoothly and painlessly as possible and that you have your DH and other support near by.
I'm very much hoping for 3rd time lucky. Fingers crossed you have happy news in the near future. X

perrinelli Wed 06-Aug-14 22:21:04

Just wanted to say how sorry I am for you both. I went through a similar thing with the private scan showing embryo small for dates then second scan showing heart had stopped. Had ERPC just under 3 weeks ago and it was as positive an experience as it could be, if you see what I mean. After all the waiting (had it about 10 days after private scan giving confirmation as needed 2 epu scans to confirm) it was such a blessed relief to get it passed and over , and just had light bleeding for few days after. Take care of yourself, it will be over soon x

EffinIneffable Tue 12-Aug-14 16:48:09

So sorry to hear this. Did you get the ERPC in the end? Hope that if so it is helping you move on now. My story was very similar - my recent mc was my 2nd in 6th months, the first happened fairly quickly and naturally, this one I had to wait three weeks for it to happen naturally after we first realised following the private scan. Hope you can begin to focus on the slow path of recovery now and look after yourself.

charlieis30 Tue 12-Aug-14 17:17:53

Hi Effin, had my ERPC yesterday. Went as well as could possibly have gone, considering. At the hosp at 3, in for surgery at 5.30 and home before 8pm. Feeling better today. Hope your natural went ok. We are going to wait a month to TTC again.

charlieis30 Tue 12-Aug-14 17:18:56

Whoops, just saw your other thread...

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