Hoping to start feeling better soon.

[Chelseafreya]

Hi everyone. I was hoping you would be able to help.
A few weeks ago, I passed what the doctors in a&e told me was the foetal sac of an 8 week old baby, but the sac was empty. This has happened before but no one knows what it is.
Even though I know that it may not be a miscarriage, I am going through depression for the loss of my 'baby'
It's putting great strain on me and my other half as I have this burning desire to have a baby to make me feel something other than this, but he's not ready. (I know I aren't either deep down but my body is telling me different)
I cry a lot and I feel horribly jealous of my pregnant friends.
Can any one offer any support? I feel awful and so confused and to how I'm actually supposed to feel ):
Thank you xxx

[thesmallbear]

I'm sorry for your loss, which is a real loss by the way so please don't feel otherwise!

What you are feeling is completely normal. I miscarried towards the beginning of June and am still not myself. Instead of my usual routine after work (pre-miscarraige) i.e. gym, meditation, shopping, odd jobs around the house etc. I mainly just sit on the sofa and mope. I've come off Facebook due to the constant stream of baby photos and pregnancy announcements. Yesterday I went out for lunch and spent most of it staring longingly at the baby on the next table. The grieving process takes time and those damn hormones stick around for ages!

Be kind to yourself (and I should probably take my own advice on that one)!

[bakingtins]

chelsea I'm so sorry you've suffered a miscarriage. I'm not sure why the A&E doctors seem to have given you such mixed messages about what happened. A sac that has continued to develop with no baby inside is called a blighted ovum - something went wrong very early in the development of the baby that stopped it growing but the sac continues to grow and produce hormones so your body continues to think it's pregnant for some weeks afterwards - it's a form of "missed miscarriage" though that term is more normally used when a miscarriage is discovered on a scan and the pregnancy ended some time earlier but the physical loss hasn't happened. The Miscarriage Association website is very useful to help you understand what can be a confusing process.
It makes absolutely no difference to the emotional response you feel how far along your baby got - you are grieving the loss of all the hopes and dreams you had for the future, and that takes time. Expect to be on a bit of a rollercoaster for a little while - the only way to cope is to be very kind to yourself and accept it takes time to feel better.
I found it enormously helpful to do something to acknowledge and honour the baby - normally if you are grieving you would have lots of rituals like sympathy cards, a funeral and wake, a grave to visit etc to help you process the loss. Miscarriage is hidden and this makes it more difficult to move through the grieving process. Plant a tree, write a poem, release a balloon, choose some memorial jewellery, buy a charity gift in memory... anything that feels meaningful to you.

[purple84]

So sorry for your loss, it is a loss when you have hopes and dreams for what could have been, make sure to allow yourself to grieve x

[Chelseafreya]

Hello everyone. Thank you so much for your comfort during such a difficult yet confusing time!
I just wish to share with you my coping method. I was feeling fiercely maternal still and wanted to try again, however, my boyfriend bought me a kitten (odd I know haha) and I can't even begin to describe how much it helped! She was only 8 weeks old and instantly saw me as a mother figure. I've had something to mother and it has honestly helped me get over all of this.
I hope you are all doing well and starting to recover?
Please keep me informed so I know you're okay :) xxx

[thesmallbear]

chelseafreya I don't really like cats but I actually kind of get this. When I was off sick due to the miscarriage I watched box sets with my guinea pig on my knee. Having the small creature to stroke and keep me company certainly helped with the healing process.

[Purplecircle]

I completely get where you are coming from. I'm in the same situation.

I found out I was pregnant for the first time ever 2 weeks ago. I was happier than I'd ever been.

The first 3 days were amazing then I had 2 days of spotting.
On Friday it was full on bleeding, and passed clots. I went to A&E where I spent 3 hours waiting for the inevitable news, to be told they'd done a pregnancy test and it was negative...that was it...game over

I was pregnant for 5 days, why does it hurt so much? I want to plant a tree or something lovely in the garden, does that sound daft?
All my friends and family are away on holiday at the moment so I'm sat around the house feeling sorry for myself til DH gets home

[Purplecircle]

Sorry didn't mean to hijack, feel free to ignore

[Chelseafreya]

Don't be silly! Hijack all you want :) that's exactly the same with me! All my tests were negative after I had passed it. It was really confusing!
Glad to hear you all found comfort with your pets! It's amazing how something so small and furry can lift your spirits so much :)
Xxx

[Chelseafreya]

And no, I definitely think you should so something nice to commemorate :) it was your first, and I can only imagine that actually knowing you're pregnant must be so much worse ): I had no idea until it happened but I think you should do something :) I love the bracelet idea! Xxx