Has miscarriage affected your faith?

(17 Posts)
Justonemoretime Fri 04-Jul-14 07:07:01

I've been giving this some thought. It's a thorny issue. Here are my thoughts: justonemoretimeagain.wordpress.com/2014/07/02/218/ What do you think?

Catlover2014 Fri 04-Jul-14 11:41:11

Thanks for sharing just, a lot of issues there that I think about too.

I cannot say I have always been a good person but I can say I have never been a bad one. While I have made mistakes (like forging my train pass when in my first job because I couldn't afford to get to work otherwise) I can never think of time when I have deliberately hurt someone else or made mistakes I didn't learn from.

All that said when in York last weekend I passed a homeless man. He had nothing and looked so poorly. I have food, a warm home, health and a loving family. I gave him some money and asked god to help him.

Then I realised just as this man did not deserve to be homeless I do not deserve to be childless and you do not deserve 3 mcs. Perhaps god has a plan and it's all for a reason.

I pray that poor man is not suffering in vain.

X

Justonemoretime Fri 04-Jul-14 19:52:27

Thanks for reading again, Catlover. Maybe things do happen for a reason. I just can't help thinking that once would have been sufficient to make the point... ;)

Catlover2014 Fri 04-Jul-14 21:13:14

I agree! Let's hope things are going to get better. And soon! XxX

SixImpossible Fri 04-Jul-14 21:27:59

Cause and effect. Freedom of choice.

I don't think my miscarriages were anything to do with Deity, karma, sinfulness etc. I think that they were purely biology.

Mine came after two pregnancies and births, so my perspective was coloured by positive experiences. Probably I would have felt different - worse! - had I not already managed to carry a child. But miscarriage did not affect my belief in the existence of Deity. That actually came through pregnancy. The act of growing new life drew me closer to the feeling that there is more to us than purely biology.

My grandmother used to say that God does not lay upon us a weight wider than our shoulders. At the time of a trouble, this may not comfort. But, having passed through it and come out the other side, I see that it has become part of who I am, just one of the many influences, and sometimes, with hindsight, I see positive aspects to the negative experience.

Catlover2014 Fri 04-Jul-14 21:36:41

I hope one day to feel the same as you six and to know that joy!

As the only married women on my street, at work and in my friends without a child it's hard to stay positive. Especially after 5 years of and 2 mcs!

Maybe god just knows I don't have what it takes to be a mum? Maybe he wants other things for me and DH? All I know is we are trying and we have faith that if there is a god he knows we would have loved our children forever smile

X

SixImpossible Fri 04-Jul-14 21:57:48

Thank you. And I hope that you find joy, too

I don't think that the misery of miscarriage or the happiness of birth are consequences of our moral actions. You did not deserve 'punishment' any more than I deserved 'reward'. That way of thinking leads to despair and arrogance. We cannot bargain with God.

Justonemoretime Sun 06-Jul-14 20:05:04

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Siximpossible and Catlover. I'm too philosophical for my own good, sometimes!

Catlover2014 Sun 06-Jul-14 20:27:44

Philosophical is good just. Better that than having a blank head with no thought or spark! x

bakingtins Sun 06-Jul-14 21:08:01

Thank you for another thought provoking blog entry, just

I'm a Christian and would definitely say my four MCs have caused me to struggle in my faith. Having a diagnosis helped enormously because it becomes easier to see it as part of our frail humanity, subject to disease, decay and death, rather than as a punishment or test for me personally. I understand from a biology perspective why sporadic MC is so common, in fact looking at the process of conception/pregnancy/birth it's a miracle any babies are born. I have an unresolved problem with the "waste" of tiny babies made in God's image. I do feel that I learned some valuable lessons through my first MC and that it has made me a different ( better?) person, but I hope I am not so spiritually dim that I needed to repeat it four times. My church family have given me a great deal of loving support through the last few years, but in attributing my eventual success to God they do invite the question did he not care about the other four babies?

cat I am certain that six is spot on when she says it is nothing at all to do with how deserving you are or your potential to be a lovely Mum.

Justonemoretime Sun 06-Jul-14 22:08:17

Thanks, Baking. I'm definitely more a philosopher than a person of faith. I always have been, really, but all this and having to teach the problem of evil for a level has really made me read and think more seriously about it. I don't bring my personal thoughts into work, but every time I revisit the arguments I find them less convincing. I'm glad it brings comfort to others. I don't have any answers, really. :/

Greyhound Mon 07-Jul-14 19:23:13

I lost faith in myself and my body.

As far as spiritual faith is concerned, I felt that someone up there was messing with my life.

I was angry with everyone and everything. It was awful.

Recurrent miscarriage changed every part of my life and changed my attitude and faith. It was only when I prayed, as I went under a GA before an emergency section with my baby (fifth pregnancy, successful finally), that I felt I was at God's feet, begging him for mercy.

God answered my prayers and my baby lived. I still struggle with my faith - was God really with me? Was he working through the medical professionals? Or was it human care and training that saved my child?

Justonemoretime Mon 07-Jul-14 20:44:27

Thank you for taking the time to post, Greyhound, so sorry for your losses, but so pleased you got your healthy baby and peace of mind. X

Irishmammybread Tue 08-Jul-14 00:30:34

Interesting and thought provoking Just.
I found it hard to pray after my first miscarriage.
I had prayed so hard that my pregnancy would work out that I couldn't bring myself to pray for a while after I lost my baby.
I didn't blame God but just felt empty and numb.
I suppose prayer isn't always answered in the way we think it should be.
I didn't lose my faith, I believe in life after death and it gave me some comfort to believe that the little souls of that baby I lost and the other three I subsequently miscarried are in Heaven ,so in some ways my faith is now stronger.

Justonemoretime Wed 09-Jul-14 19:46:42

Irish, thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Sorry for your loss, and glad you had a happy ending. Sounds scary, though. X

Justonemoretime Wed 09-Jul-14 19:48:50

Irish, sorry, I've just reread your comment, excuse me for misreading. I hope you continue to find comfort in your faith. You sind like a brave lady. X

Justonemoretime Wed 09-Jul-14 19:49:45

*sound. (On my phone, sorry)

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