Feeling Sad

(6 Posts)
Zaza80 Tue 01-Jul-14 13:36:20

Me & my DH lost our baby a week ago. I'm so sad & feel very alone & just need to talk about it.

I was 11 weeks pregnant & went to bed with mild tummy cramps that I had googled & read that it was quite common in the 1st trimester, not that I had cramps with my DS, who is now 6. Woke in the morning to find I had started bleeding. The hospital told me to wait an hour to see if it got any heavier but I knew there & then it didn't look good. We went straight up to the hospital who confirmed that I had miscarried. I didn't need them to tell me that, I already knew it in my heart due to the amount of blood I was loosing. They kept me in overnight as I passed out with low blood pressure & took me for a scan in the morning, which my DH couldn't come to as they wouldn't allow him in before visiting hours!! I had to face it alone & words cant describe how it made me feel having my scan to make sure the 'products' as they kept calling it had all come away & not to see my baby for the 1st time.

It all happened so quickly, which some may say is a blessing in disguise but I think its left me in a bit of shock & I hate that I'm no longer pregnant. It makes me so so sad every time something reminds me.

I understand why people try & keep pregnancy a secret to start with as its bloody hard telling people you've lost your baby, we didn't tell too many people but I'm finding it even harder to pretend like nothing has happened with the people who had no idea I was pregnant in the 1st place - maybe I've gone back to work too soon!

VictoriaOfHouseMN Tue 01-Jul-14 16:19:25

Hello Zara. I am really sorry for your loss (virtual hugs).
Its horrible when you have to carry on as normal when you had a little life in you that only you and your dh really knew.

I think that a week is too soon. I took a month of work and two weeks off uni when I lost my little one at 10 weeks. A week is so soon and it is going to be raw. The old cliche that it gets better in time is true but you won't ever get over it but you will get through it hun. Try to rest and take care of yourself x

bakingtins Tue 01-Jul-14 19:54:03

Zaza I'm very sorry you lost your baby. I agree with victoria that a week is too soon to be trying to put a brave face on it. It's a huge shock and a physically traumatic experience, and you need to give yourself time to grieve for all the hopes and dreams you had for the baby and your new life as a family. I found it very helpful to do something to acknowledge the loss - plant a tree, choose some memorial jewellery, write a poem , buy a charity gift, release a balloon .... whatever feels meaningful to you. You are far from alone in this even though it can feel like a very lonely experience. I'd encourage you to be open about what has happened to you, you will probably be surprised how many women of your acquaintance have had similar experiences. There is always someone here to listen if it is easier to talk anonymously. flowers

Catlover2014 Tue 01-Jul-14 21:29:09

Hi zaza I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I hope you're resting up tonight and being easy on yourself, a miscarriage does take it's toll physically and mentally.

I'm so sorry that the hospital wouldn't let DH stay with you or be there for the scan. That must have been so hard.

When I miscarried I took two weeks off first time and a week the second time. There is no right or wrong but if you are struggling it might be a good idea to take some extra time off.

Is there someone at work you could trust or confide in about your loss? It would be nice to know someone at work is looking out for you!

Hugs xxx

Zaza80 Wed 02-Jul-14 09:26:33

Thank you so much for your kind words.

A few people at work know including my manager who hasn't once asked me if I'm ok. He's said the normal stuff like 'don't worry about work' 'take what time you need off' etc etc. He even thought it would be a good idea to start talking to me about one of my team members maternity leave on my 1st day back. She isn't due to go on mat leave until end of Nov so it really could of waited!

Anyway, I work up this morning with a real painful back & sharp pains when I breath. Has anyone experienced this after mc? I'm going to the doctors later & will also be asking them to sign me off for another week. After a very tearful day yesterday I really don't think I am ready to be back at work

bakingtins - I love the idea of planting a tree or something in memory

x

Catlover2014 Wed 02-Jul-14 16:59:45

Ah sorry to hear that he's been that way. Folks can be so insensitive can't they? I've had all sorts of things said to me with regards to my infertility ranging from 'why don't you just adopt' to 'at least you have your health'.

Getting some extra time off work is a very good idea. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat. I know how hard this is!

Hugs xx

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