Hospital just phoned me to say they had binned my "products". (baby). **MNHQ WARNING Supportive thread about baby loss**

(11 Posts)
gingysmummy Thu 26-Jun-14 18:45:50

Hi,don't really know i'm posting just need to vent i suppose.
went for scan at epu last week as was bleeding was 9 weeks,they told me baby had died at 8 weeks.They gave me a proper hospital sample container to put my baby in if i passed it.
This is my 4th baby i've lost in 2 years all at 8 weeks,last night i passed my baby in my previous m/c i've never managed to see my baby always passed on toilet.Anyway i take my baby into gyne ward as instucted this am,gyne ward just phoned to say they were very sorry and have accidently binned my products, as hey didn't know where to send it.I can't belive that they could be so careless and insensitive,it was my much longed for baby.What should i do?should i put a compliant in?both myself and dh are so upset and angry

itsbetterthanabox Thu 26-Jun-14 18:49:41

I'm so sorry thanks
Yes do complain. It is disrespectful and completely unnecessary. All remains should be given to so you can do whatever you feel is best. Sadly this isn't unusual but it needs to stop. I hope you are ok op.

gingysmummy Thu 26-Jun-14 18:55:39

I was handing my baby into be tested and try and give me answers. I said to dh that I really wanted to bury baby in back garden but I really need to hand in for testing so we could maybe get answers we needed. Wish I'd went with my gut feelings as now my baby has prob been put in a bin

rockybalboa Thu 26-Jun-14 19:05:52

Oh you poor poor thing. I never passed anything with my first 3 mc's but I passed the 4th one at home after taking the first tablet for medical management. It plopped into the bottom of the loo, I stared at it, got my mum (who was with me) to have a look to see if it was what I thought it was and then I just flushed it without really thinking. I was 9w but the baby had stopped growing at 7w. I still feel a bit funny about flushing but I'm not sure what else I would have done. I'm fairly sure I couldn't have fished it out and I don't know what I'd have done with it if I had. If had passed it in hospital the next day (when i was supposed to go in for the second tablet which I obviously didn't need) then they would have made me pee into a pot each time and it would have been caught. Having to see anything that came out was the thing I was actually worried about more than any pain/bleeding but it was all surprisingly calm in the end.

I read a lot of advice from the Miscarriage Association after I had my first 3 mc's (the 4th one came after I'd successfully had DS1 and 2) and they advise taking various steps to acknowledge the baby as more than just 'products'. Some people like to name the baby to give it an identity but that wasn't for me. I decided to have a ring made with 3 stones, one for each of the babies that wasn't to be and that really did bring me some comfort. I hope you manage to find a way of remembering your baby in a way that works for you, irrespective of what happened to his or her remains.

I hope the hospital are suitably apologetic. Also, you should have been offered recurrent miscarriage testing after your 3rd one (they never found any cause for mine, it was just one - or four - of those things). thanks OP. I wish you all the best.

rockybalboa Thu 26-Jun-14 19:07:20

Here, you might find this useful.http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/support/marking-your-loss/

bakingtins Thu 26-Jun-14 19:09:00

I'm so sorry for your losses gingy I would definitely make a formal complaint, not only because of the way they discarded the pot with total lack of respect, but also the lost opportunity to get some answers. If you or DH phone up tonight and go nuclear is there any chance of retrieving the pot or have the bins already been emptied?
Have you had RMC testing already? You would be made v welcome on the RMC support thread if you need information or company.

gingysmummy Thu 26-Jun-14 20:22:37

No I have only been offered rmc testing now although i've to wait for 3 months for an appointment. They said there was no way of getting my baby back as porter had collected all bags. As you said it was not only disrespectful but I was really pinning hope on getting some Answers hmm

bakingtins Thu 26-Jun-14 20:44:35

I'd make a written complaint then. They need to investigate and find out what went wrong and alter their protocols so it can't happen again. Start with the lead consultant for that department and copy in PALS. Many of the recurrent miscarriage tests can be carried out by your GP as the majority are blood tests, you probably only need the gynae department for a scan, and you would want to see someone there to discuss all the results. Part of the protocol is to do genetic testing on you and your DH, and these tests take about 8 weeks to come back, so I would see if to ameliorate their massive cock-up they can instruct your GP on what samples to send away and get the ball rolling - then in 12 weeks you could be discussing your results, not starting to send tests away.
I'm really angry this has happened to you. I've had to sit in a queue in gynae to hand in a little pot containing all that was left of my baby, it was awful - the only thing that spurred me on was the thought that it might give me answers. It may not be an everyday thing for them because they make you suffer 3 MC before they'll test but neither can it be unheard of, there ought to be a protocol for arranging testing, and if you don't know what it is you find out FFS!

gingysmummy Fri 27-Jun-14 08:33:03

not had much sleep kept thinking about things,i'm going to put a large complaint into the hospital,not sure what the outcome will be but needs to be done.I've never had to anything like this before so going to write it all down so i have all the facts straight. thanks to everyone whos replied to me

gingysmummy Tue 08-Jul-14 11:16:08

I've posted my letter of complaint today. I'm feeling so sad I wonder if I'll ever be happy again don't know if it's my hormones or depression kicking In

squizita Fri 11-Jul-14 14:31:33

Yes do complain. PALS may be a good place to start.
The aught to offer you to take remains OR do pathology on them (to give answers/closure). My hospital did pathology, I was very glad as it flagged up a rare condition (partial molar) which meant I needed additional follow up care.

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