Do you ever think you're coping ok, then just fall apart?

(17 Posts)
Worried22 Tue 24-Jun-14 22:21:09

It's been 5/6 weeks since I miscarried at 12 wks. I get told things happen for a reason, there might have been something wrong with it, you can try again. Someone even asked if I felt relief as it was an unplanned pregnancy. I just nod and agree with them, and pretend I'm fine.

Then I have time to think about it properly and I completely break down, and feel so much pain for my baby I'll never hold. I cry so much I feel sick and feel I'll never get over this. Will it ever get easier?

Catlover2014 Tue 24-Jun-14 22:35:31

Hugs to you Worried22, people can say such awful insensitive things sad

There are bad days and good days and numb days. I find it's impossible to know which you're going to get and when it will change from one to another.

What I will say is that in time the bad days get less frequent and more bareable.

Stay strong and PM me anytime. Lots er love x

BreakingBuddhist Tue 24-Jun-14 22:48:09

Worried you have suffered a real loss and my heartfelt wishes go to you for your happiness in time.

Sometimes people need space to grieve for losses like this. Sadly others can be insensitive to that need and minimise your hurt or avoid the issue altogether.

Feel free to post here. We will listen.

Something that can help process your feelings is writing a letter. To yourself or possibly to the little one you have lost. The first step is to acknowledge your feelings otherwise you will continue to tread water.

A book which I have drawn strength from is 'when things fall apart' by Pema Chodron.

Worried22 Thu 26-Jun-14 11:15:25

Another thing has happened, someone I know has announced they are expecting a baby due around the same time I was. I didn't even congratulate her as I couldn't talk. I feel bad for that.

I know I've got to expect this to happen, I don't know know how to react.

RiverRocks Fri 27-Jun-14 09:19:30

Morning Worried

Don't feel bad - I think most people who go through something like this feel the same. I know I get very jealous of pregnant ladies, and I'm not that type of person at all.

Part of it is hormones, and part of it is grief.

I lost my baby a couple of weeks before you, and I still get these pangs sometimes. Have a good cry, drink some wine and send your friend a lovely text message congratulating her, as you are really happy for her thanks

Worried22 Fri 27-Jun-14 19:38:54

I've just got home and got a letter in the post from a specialist midwife who I've been referred to, and who will visit me on 8th august! I'm so mad about this, the EPU promised me they'd contacted the necessary people, plus surely if the midwife had referred me to this service, she should have cancelled the referral?

It's upset me as I'm now thinking a lot of how things would be if I was still pregnant.

Catlover2014 Fri 27-Jun-14 20:13:25

So sorry to read this. Maybe you could send some constructive criticism in a letter about that. The medical world has a long way to go in how it handles mcs.

I know exactly how you feel about the jealousy thing and I'm told it's a very natural way to feel. Be kind to yourself and don't be angry, it's all part of the process.

Hugs to you xxx

Treaclepie19 Fri 27-Jun-14 22:54:36

Today is one of those days for me.

You have suffered a loss. People don't understand and just say the worst things.
Look after yourself x

WightLady87 Sun 29-Jun-14 18:07:01

I'm totally with you on this.I had a mmc an had my surgery on Fri.Its still early days I know but I don't feel Il ever be happy again - not properly happy anyway.Its my birthday tomorrow and I was due to have my 12 week scan on Tuesday.All I can think about is how two really happy days will now be two really sad days.
I just try to keep thinking that one day Il have a healthy baby and that there is some reason this pregnancy didn't progress.But I truly believe that sometimes,crying and releasing the grief is the best thing you can do.I hope things get better for you and I hope next time you get the outcome you want.
Thinking of you x

OneDayLikeThis2013 Mon 30-Jun-14 11:09:08

I'm absolutely with you wight it's a week today since my ERPC after a mmc and today I am really not doing well at keeping it together at all. My 12 week scan would have been a week today and DH and I still have the day booked off. I don't know what we'll do.

This was my first pregnancy and I felt like I didn't everything right and it still didn't work out.

I don't cry over the obvious things, watched one born every minute and not a tear. It's random things that get me when I least expect it.

Just know you're not alone in feeling like this and it will get easier (I'm not very good at taking my own advice!) xx

rascalrae Thu 03-Jul-14 13:03:24

Feeling really sad today. Yesterday I was finally starting to feel stronger. It's been nearly 4 weeks since I found out about my missed miscarriage. My bleeding is starting to show signs of stopping and I was managing to concentrate on work again. But last night I had a dream that I gave birth and had a beautiful baby boy. Feel so lost and low today. I still have hope that it will happen one day, but I just want that dream to be real now sad

Mrsm14 Fri 11-Jul-14 16:30:10

I have had an awful couple of days, just when I thought things were getting better too. My miscarriage was 3 weeks ago and I went back to work this Monday. Monday and Tuesday I had a bit of a high, thinking I was doing really well and how good it was to get back to 'normal', then Wednesday and yesterday I started feeling really angry again and then today I just woke up in bed and burst into tears. I have spent all day feeling terribly low and close to tears and I have no idea why. I don't know what is normal anymore - is it ok to still be bursting into tears and spending all day / several days on the verge of crying, with an ache in your heart? Is this grief or am I depressed? It's all just so horrible and, even though I haven't had a period yet, I know I feel too scared to try again at the moment - yet I desperately want a baby.

I'm sorry to pour it all out but I feel really alone. And I really want to send my love to all of you that are going through this - even with a great partner, this is such a lonely time x

DontBeBlueBeARainbow Sat 12-Jul-14 07:37:30

MrsM I'm really sorry you're feeling like this, and it's so awful that you lost your baby.

I've had a couple of crap days too. It's been about 2 months since we found out about the MMC and 2 weeks since the bleeding stopped. I was so relieved when the bleeding stopped, to get my health back, but the last couple of days I've just been in tears. Reminders are everywhere. And stuff like DP wanting to use a condom (which is wise I admit) makes me feel really emotional and a sense that it's unfair.

MrsM i think there is no normal. It certainly is lonely, even having friends going through similar events. The desire for a baby is so impatient, so it doesn't help when people say to be patient. Personally i try to enjoy little pleasures from life, baking 'single girl' recipes, enjoying the colour of the sky, and counting my blessings. Another odd one since my MMC has been spending time on the bereavement threads, just to remind me it could be worse and everyone has unique challenges in this world.

I'm so sorry you're here too MrsM and hope you feel better soon xxx

VashtaNerada Sat 12-Jul-14 07:43:12

So sorry for everyone having a hard time of it on this thread thanks. It does get easier, but I'm sure those around me assume my MMC is something that doesn't bother me at all, but of course it never goes away completely. Allow yourself time to grieve. It is a big deal.

Mrsm14 Sat 12-Jul-14 22:48:29

Thanks ladies. The support on here is amazing and it helps you realise you're not alone and (hopefully) not completely losing the plot! X

MrsR84 Sat 19-Jul-14 18:30:57

I'm very early days (not even 5 days), but yesterday afternoon I was amazed by how much better I felt, how I'd managed to survive driving, buying petrol AND Tesco and how little crying I'd done...then I fell apart in a spectacular blubbering mess for a solid hour before bed :-S

Its an absolute headf**k, it really is, I think its best to just accept that you're going to be all over the place for a good long while, explain what's going on to those closest to you so that they can be there for you when you fall apart & always carry tissues, LOTS of tissues... :-(

PicaK Sat 19-Jul-14 20:55:36

Hugs. Just wanted to add that this terrible stage, when you feel the pain most and fear you won't be able to carry on - it does pass. You will never forget, you will always carry the memory and the love with you but they get easier to carry. There will be odd days that sideswipe you and knock you down - and on those days you grieve cos that's what you need to do. Hugs.

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