I had a scan yesterday at what should have been 9 weeks, as I had some bleeding overnight. Nothing huge, but I wanted to get checked out. The scan showed the baby stopped growing about two weeks ago, and I'm booked in for an ERPC tomorrow. Yesterday I was in pieces, we don't drive so if gone to the hospital on my own on the train and had to come home alone after I'd been told this. My dp is devastated. This would have been my fourth, but his first. He left work straight away and has been given leave for the rest of the week. He's always wanted dc of his own, though he is fantastic with my three and we're already a great little family.
The thing that's upsetting me is that I'm thinking, well, we don't really have space for another, no car, no time. Despite it being a very much wanted pregnancy I'm almost relieved. Am I perhaps just in shock? I'm almost waiting to come crashing down. Maybe I will after tomorrow. The thing is, I really can't see myself wanting to try again. I'd foolishly already bought some of the bigger equipment we'd need and I already want it out of the house. They've said they'll out a coil in tomorrow if I want them to and I'm thinking I'll have it. Should I actually take more time to think? I feel like the worlds worst mother because I hadn't really given this baby much thought. I'm very busy with the others and hadn't really been thinking about being pregnant, I'd just been getting on with things. Dp is a star but I, worried because I need to support him too. It feels like his loss is greater than mine iykwim. I just want tomorrow over and done with.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Missed miscarriage at 9 weeks, feeling guilty that I'm not more upset.
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SloanePeterson · 12/06/2014 13:52
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