Heartbroken by missed miscarriage

(7 Posts)

Just can't believe how upset I am. I went for an eight week scan 6 days ago and there was no heartbeat. After being very sick with DS (2), I had had pretty much no pregnancy symptoms this time and had been a bit worried about it, but the reality was just such a terrible shock. I have another scan tomorrow but the consultant last week said he was almost certain that nothing would have changed and to prepare ourselves for the worst. He would prefer me to wait for things to happen naturally but I don't think I can bear the thought of weeks of waiting and uncertainty and am going to ask tomorrow if there's any real reason I can't have an ERPC and just get this whole awful thing done. I am a SAHM with no family nearby, friends with their own busy lives, and a DH who works long hours, and I feel that I'm letting DS down terribly by being so weepy and grumpy. I can barely drag myself to playgroup and feel vile that he's having an awful time watching Cbeebies with his miserable mother. I know I need to pull myself together for his sake but I just can't stop crying and have no energy. I'm trying to carry on as normal (and don't have much choice really as if I don't cook and wash and clean then no one else is going to do it for me) but just feel so sad and lethargic. Ironically I have my first night away from DS planned for this weekend (spa with friends), which I should be so excited about but instead all I can think about is what if I start bleeding or am just weepy and miserable all weekend and spoil it for everyone. I don't know what I hope anyone will or can say to make me feel better but thought posting might help me calm down a bit and be a good mother to DS rather than non-functioning.

bronya Wed 04-Jun-14 15:25:55

It is horrible - I miscarried at 8 weeks in between my DS and this pregnancy. I'd been so very excited and it was just awful. You feel better in yourself quite soon after it is all over though, and I just focused on trying again. Many, many people I've spoken to had a miscarriage between the first two children, so focus on the fact that yes, you're disappointed and sad, but you know you can conceive and carry to term, so look forward to trying again and to future success.

ots Wed 04-Jun-14 15:40:24

Xxx its horrible isn't it. We had had a scan at 6 weeks after a small amount of bleeding, and all was fine with astrong heartbeat. 2 weeks later after more bleeding, a scan showed that baby hadn't grown at all since the last scan, and no heartbeat.
We were offered a choice and I chose ERPC as I couldn't bare to wait. If your hospital do agree to ERPC , it really is not too bad.

I've got a 3 year old DS, and we're getting through the days with lots of cbeebies and peppa pig.

Feel free to pm me anytime, I've found it really helps talking to people in the same boat xxx

Thanks, both - it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one to resort to Peppa and Big Barn Farm to get through the day... DS has just enlivened things by smearing blueberry frozen yoghurt all over the cream sofa (WHY did I let him bring it in the sitting room? Ah yes, I was too apathetic to have a row about it) so at least I've had to force myself to get up to deal with that. I am quite sad about the idea of TTC again - I feel that any future pregnancy will be so clouded by anxiety - but you're right, at least I know my body CAN do it, it just didn't this time. Will definitely press for an ERPC, I think - at least with certainty over dates then my mother could come and stay and look after DS, whereas I could be totally alone with him while in pain and bleeding with natural management. It's sadly not like full time parents can take sick days! Thank you for your support.

bronya Wed 04-Jun-14 21:04:15

Regarding future pregnancies - after the miscarriage, the next time I conceived I didn't let myself get excited, or believe that it would really be ok. I got to 12 weeks, told a few friends, have now made it to 20 and almost can trust myself to believe it will be fine. Most early miscarriages are chromosome abnormalities though - it's not you, just a dud combination of egg/sperm that was never meant to be. Like you, I had hardly any symptoms of pg with the one that miscarried - this time, I've been unbelievably sick and that was, strangely enough, quite comforting! Good luck with it all, in a year or two you'll have two little ones running around and this will be just a memory.

Such a weird day. Went for scan this morning (internal rather than external which the last one was) which showed triplets in various stages of development, rather than just the one we were expecting to see after the first scan. No heartbeat but slightly more embryo development than last week's scan (well, that and the fact that this one showed the other two babies!). Have another scan next Thursday, but have been warned that with no heartbeat at this stage that it's unlikely to be good news. Am in utter shock over it all but do actually feel strangely better - the doctor said it was most likely that if I miscarry (as is still likely), it would probably be due to the fact that multiple pregnancies are high risk rather than something inherently wrong or likely to recur (I was anxious that surgery I'd had to remove my placenta after DS was born might have somehow damaged my uterus or that I'd done something to cause it). Weird, weird day. Thank you for your support and I hope everyone else in the same boat is having a manageable day.

ots Thu 05-Jun-14 16:14:58

Oh wow that must have been such a shock! Good luck at the next scan xx

Having a better day than expected. DS is being adorable and has given me loads of cuddles today. Feel quite lucky for what I do have.

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