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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Struggling again

13 replies

Catlover2014 · 25/05/2014 14:06

Sorry to post again but just feeling a bit low today.

Been to the in laws for lunch and they spoke about an elderly lady who lives nearby who has no family and lives all on her own. Felt a wave of panic wash over me because I realised there's a good chance that will be me one day.

I know it's years away but how do you build a life and a future when there are probably no children in it? After two miscarriages and five years of infertility do I have to accept a gloomy future?

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gualsa · 25/05/2014 16:21

Not at all. Even if it turns out you are unable to conceive (have you been through IVF yet?) there is always adoption. It may mean you lose ouy on the baby years but they get better with age for sure.
I don't know how old you and hubby are but there are options.

Hang in there x

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Catlover2014 · 25/05/2014 17:42

Thank you Gulasa. Feel a bit brighter now :)

We're both 34. Didn't go through IVF yet. After four years of unexplained infertility, tests and meds a certain ovulation drug with progesterone has managed to get me pregnant but I lost the baby both time :(

I know there will be light at the end of the tunnel one day but it feels like we've been waiting forever.

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gualsa · 26/05/2014 17:46

IVF is hard both physically and mentally and its not for everyone. The reason I mentioned adoption is that my friend adopted 2 siblings and they are a wonderful little family. You wouldn't know they were not flesh and blood. It's more about how they are brought up. Keep trying for your own but know that you can become parents and when someone really wants a child to give their love to it usually happens one way or another. Good luck

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Catlover2014 · 26/05/2014 19:42

Oh that's really good to hear. So nice to know of good outcomes :)

We would consider adoption but much like IVF I know it's a hard process to go through. I'm really reluctant to go through IVF though so do think adoption will be our route if the next round of drug treatments doesn't work or I mc again.

I'm trying to stay positive now but it is hard. One day I'm sure this will all be a distant memory!!!

Thanks for being lovely and replying to my posts. Don't know your circumstances but I hope you have a good outcome too.

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resipsa · 26/05/2014 22:10

What a great post. Our 3rd (donor egg) IVF cycle failed last week, the day after I'd seen a heartbeat on scan. To read positive adoption stories is a real tonic.

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Catlover2014 · 26/05/2014 22:57

Repisa so sorry to hear that :(

I have heard lots of great adoption stories and there is a lovely adoption forum on mumsnet that's working looking at.

One way or another you'll get your happy. Hugs xxx

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JBrd · 26/05/2014 23:08

Catlover There will always be ups and downs... But hopefully, the Ups will slowly, but certainly, outweigh the Downs.
Miscarriage is hard - you have to say goodbye to so many hopes and dreams, it tears your heart apart.
But there are always, always options - like the other posters here have said. You have time, do not put pressure on yourself, there are lots of possibilities.
After my 4th mc in a row, I am also now thinking if adoption might be an option for us. If anything, it provides a glimmer of hope in the really dark hours.

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Catlover2014 · 26/05/2014 23:46

Jbird, I'm so so sorry to hear what you've been through and for your loss. It's just so cruel and I can't imagine how hard it must have been.

Have you had reoccurring mc tests? Assume you have been tested for NK cells? I read about someone who had 17 mcs before going on to have a baby because she finally got a simple medication that she needed for NK cells. I doubt I would still be alive if I'd had that many mcs but she must be an incredible woman!!

I've ordered a few books on adoption and have stated to speak to people. It's the thought of social workers judging me and my family / friends that scares me the most. XX

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JBrd · 27/05/2014 11:01

Cat I completely agree, the intricacies of the adoption process are quite intimidating, aren't they?! However, lots of other people are doing it, so it can't be that bad. I don't think that you and your friends will be judged - I guess the word is 'being assessed' I can recommend the MN adoption forum, lots of very useful information there, and they are always happy to answer questions.

Have you considered fertility treatment, or NK cell testing?

The NK cell testing is definitely something I am going to look into, but I'm not sure if fertility treatment is an option for me - due to my age, I would have to pay for it, and there is no guarantee that it will work... I would probably have to go down the donor egg route, as it's likely that it's my eggs that are the problem. But I somehow struggle to warm to this approach, although I couldn't tell you why!

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Catlover2014 · 28/05/2014 16:26

Hi Jbrd,

Totally understand your concerns around egg donation. I would certainly consider adoption before that but everyone is different. My GP, who has become like a friend, had egg donars and her children are so lovely.

Both of my pregnancies were as a result of fertility treatment but not IVF. I took Letrozole and progesterone.

I would consider NK cell tests but right now they are ruling out the more routine ones like thyroid, autoimmune and cypogenetics. D

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Catlover2014 · 28/05/2014 16:31

Sorry pressed send to soon...

Don't know if you've heard of her but professor Quenby is supposed to very good on reoccurring mc. Apparently your GP can refer you but I think after two mcs I wouldn't qualify at this point.

Let me know how your next lot of tests go. Wishing you lots of luck and sticky bean for your next pregnancy xxx

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ShoeWhore · 28/05/2014 16:42

catlover I'm really sorry for your losses. How especially cruel for you after trying for so long too I wondered have you heard of Prof Lesley Regan? It might be worth looking up her book and/or pushing for a referral to her clinic at St Mary's in Paddington.

I had 2 mcs myself and am still in touch with several women from the mc support group I joined after the 2nd one. Most of us had pretty complicated histories - multiple mcs or fertility issues - but the vast majority went on to have healthy pregnancies, even where problems were unexplained or untreatable. Eg

I had 2 mcs followed by 3 healthy pgs.
My friend had 3 mcs, tests showed a chromosomal issue in her dh but next 2 pgs were totally fine.
Another friend had 2 mcs, 2 children, another mc, 2 more children.
Another 3 mcs, 3 children.
Another endometriosis, several years of ttc inc 2 mcs, then 2 children.
And my very lovely friend had a beautiful baby girl under Prof Regan's care after 7 mcs.
I could go on.

I remember how awful we all felt in the middle of it all. I couldn't imagine ever going for a scan and seeing anything on it. Really hope you get some answers from your tests and your own happy ending.

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Catlover2014 · 28/05/2014 20:35

Hi shoe!

Thanks for your positive stories, so good to hear of good outcomes and makes me want to keep on fighting.
Congrats on your three healthy babs :)

I will certainly look into prof Regan and will see if there's any chance of getting an appointment. I'm hoping to see prof Quenby who had a great reputation here in the midlands.

Hopefully I'll be posting a happy story on here one day.

Xxx