My second miscarriage - is there light at the end of the tunnel?

(29 Posts)
Anne31 Sat 10-May-14 09:58:37

I found out yesterday that my baby had stopped developing at 6weeks and I'm truly gutted sad this isn't my first miscarriage, I had that in November 13, again baby stopped developing at 6weeks and it all seems very familiar this time. Both times I noticed my discharge becoming a yellowy nude colour and the alarm bells started to ring, last time the discharge turned brown and I miscarried in the 10th week. This time knowing the signs I went for an early scan but there was no heartbeat. Now I have to wait for a follow up scan and then if like last time will miscarry naturally in 2 weeks time.

I have all sorts of questions wizzing round my head - why has this happened again? Is it coincidental both stopped developing at 6 weeks? Have me or my husband got problems? We are both healthy, don't smoke, don't drink and both in early 30s. I'm scared about going through this again. Already I feel negative about it happening again. I do want to be positive, it's just such an emotionally draining experience. Since finding out I feel very numb and like my worst fear came true yesterday. It's raw still and just feels very surreal.

First pregnancy, we got so excited and told some friends and family, it was horrible telling everyone we had miscarried so this time we didn't tell anyone about this pregnancy. Downside is, now I feel very alone. My husband is great and really supportive but being a woman I feel like I need to speak to someone about this. Has anyone else experienced consecutive miscarriages and gone on to have a baby? I guess I just need to hear some positive things right now and know I'm not alone.

Thanks x

Dottydadoo Sat 10-May-14 15:36:20

Hi Anne31 Very sorry for your losses. I

'm sure someone will be along who knows a bit more than me but I also was told yesterday I was miscarrying and had a miscarriage in Dec 13. Both times like you, the baby didn't really get past 5-6 weeks.
I was told at the EPAU yesterday that they can start to do some investigations after 2 miscarriages. Has anyone spoken to you about things like that?

Anne31 Sun 11-May-14 19:09:48

Hi Dotty, thanks for replying and I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this tough time toosad When I was at the EPU they said that if I have three consecutive miscarriages then we could be referred for testing. I tried to challenge then on this as it does seem unfair that if there is an explanation e.g. too little progesterone or sticky blood (things I've read about), it means I've got to go through this all over again to get some answers. Did they say you could have testing after this time? I am going to speak to my GP this week and see what they say. I'm sure like you I have a zillion questions wizzing around in my mind.

The first pregnancy I had I didn't really get many symptoms and this time I have lots, even now still feeling sick, tired and tender breasts. Just wish I knew if it was simply chance or if there is something else the matter. At first I thought hmm that seems strange both pregnancies ending at 6 weeks, but on reading up, this time is when a lot of the critical developments take place and there are a lot of pieces of the puzzle to put in the right places so sadly sometimes its just natures way to save us more pain down the line.

I spoke to my sister about it and she's helped me, she said she see's pregnancy as a lottery. There's a bag of balls with two black ones and the rest are white. By chance we've pulled out two black balls in a row. I'm sure next time will be a white ball for us both. I'm going to really try and be positive even though I am feeling like i'm on an emotional roller coaster with this! I just keep thinking if you really want something it will happen just got to keep trying and try to keep strong.

Thanks x

VashtaNerada Sun 11-May-14 19:13:55

So sorry, it's a horrible thing to go through. I had 2 MC and 2 DC so two in a row doesn't necessarily signify future problems.

Anne31 Sun 11-May-14 19:17:06

Hi Dotty, thanks for replying and I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this tough time toosad When I was at the EPU they said that if I have three consecutive miscarriages then we could be referred for testing. I tried to challenge then on this as it does seem unfair that if there is an explanation e.g. too little progesterone or sticky blood (things I've read about), it means I've got to go through this all over again to get some answers. Did they say you could have testing after this time? I am going to speak to my GP this week and see what they say. I'm sure like you I have a zillion questions wizzing around in my mind.

The first pregnancy I had I didn't really get many symptoms and this time I have lots, even now still feeling sick, tired and tender breasts. Just wish I knew if it was simply chance or if there is something else the matter. At first I thought hmm that seems strange both pregnancies ending at 6 weeks, but on reading up, this time is when a lot of the critical developments take place and there are a lot of pieces of the puzzle to put in the right places so sadly sometimes its just natures way to save us more pain down the line.

I spoke to my sister about it and she's helped me, she said she see's pregnancy as a lottery. There's a bag of balls with two black ones and the rest are white. By chance we've pulled out two black balls in a row. I'm sure next time will be a white ball for us both. I'm going to really try and be positive even though I am feeling like i'm on an emotional roller coaster with this! I just keep thinking if you really want something it will happen just got to keep trying and try to keep strong.

Thanks x

Anne31 Sun 11-May-14 19:17:06

Hi Dotty, thanks for replying and I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this tough time toosad When I was at the EPU they said that if I have three consecutive miscarriages then we could be referred for testing. I tried to challenge then on this as it does seem unfair that if there is an explanation e.g. too little progesterone or sticky blood (things I've read about), it means I've got to go through this all over again to get some answers. Did they say you could have testing after this time? I am going to speak to my GP this week and see what they say. I'm sure like you I have a zillion questions wizzing around in my mind.

The first pregnancy I had I didn't really get many symptoms and this time I have lots, even now still feeling sick, tired and tender breasts. Just wish I knew if it was simply chance or if there is something else the matter. At first I thought hmm that seems strange both pregnancies ending at 6 weeks, but on reading up, this time is when a lot of the critical developments take place and there are a lot of pieces of the puzzle to put in the right places so sadly sometimes its just natures way to save us more pain down the line.

I spoke to my sister about it and she's helped me, she said she see's pregnancy as a lottery. There's a bag of balls with two black ones and the rest are white. By chance we've pulled out two black balls in a row. I'm sure next time will be a white ball for us both. I'm going to really try and be positive even though I am feeling like i'm on an emotional roller coaster with this! I just keep thinking if you really want something it will happen just got to keep trying and try to keep strong.

Thanks x

Anne31 Sun 11-May-14 19:17:26

Hi Dotty, thanks for replying and I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this tough time toosad When I was at the EPU they said that if I have three consecutive miscarriages then we could be referred for testing. I tried to challenge then on this as it does seem unfair that if there is an explanation e.g. too little progesterone or sticky blood (things I've read about), it means I've got to go through this all over again to get some answers. Did they say you could have testing after this time? I am going to speak to my GP this week and see what they say. I'm sure like you I have a zillion questions wizzing around in my mind.

The first pregnancy I had I didn't really get many symptoms and this time I have lots, even now still feeling sick, tired and tender breasts. Just wish I knew if it was simply chance or if there is something else the matter. At first I thought hmm that seems strange both pregnancies ending at 6 weeks, but on reading up, this time is when a lot of the critical developments take place and there are a lot of pieces of the puzzle to put in the right places so sadly sometimes its just natures way to save us more pain down the line.

I spoke to my sister about it and she's helped me, she said she see's pregnancy as a lottery. There's a bag of balls with two black ones and the rest are white. By chance we've pulled out two black balls in a row. I'm sure next time will be a white ball for us both. I'm going to really try and be positive even though I am feeling like i'm on an emotional roller coaster with this! I just keep thinking if you really want something it will happen just got to keep trying and try to keep strong.

Thanks x

Anne31 Sun 11-May-14 19:19:01

Hi Dotty, thanks for replying and I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this tough time toosad When I was at the EPU they said that if I have three consecutive miscarriages then we could be referred for testing. I tried to challenge then on this as it does seem unfair that if there is an explanation e.g. too little progesterone or sticky blood (things I've read about), it means I've got to go through this all over again to get some answers. Did they say you could have testing after this time? I am going to speak to my GP this week and see what they say. I'm sure like you I have a zillion questions wizzing around in my mind.

The first pregnancy I had I didn't really get many symptoms and this time I have lots, even now still feeling sick, tired and tender breasts. Just wish I knew if it was simply chance or if there is something else the matter. At first I thought hmm that seems strange both pregnancies ending at 6 weeks, but on reading up, this time is when a lot of the critical developments take place and there are a lot of pieces of the puzzle to put in the right places so sadly sometimes its just natures way to save us more pain down the line.

I spoke to my sister about it and she's helped me, she said she see's pregnancy as a lottery. There's a bag of balls with two black ones and the rest are white. By chance we've pulled out two black balls in a row. I'm sure next time will be a white ball for us both. I'm going to really try and be positive even though I am feeling like i'm on an emotional roller coaster with this! I just keep thinking if you really want something it will happen just got to keep trying and try to keep strong.

Thanks x

Anne31 Sun 11-May-14 19:21:57

Hi all,

Sorry just had a glitch with my computer and my message has posted about 5 times! doh! can tell I am new to forums!!

HowGoodIsThat Sun 11-May-14 19:23:50

I had two m/cs - both at 11 weeks - before successfully having DD1 from my third pregnancy. I too had been told that there would be no medical investigation until I had had 3 m/cs.

The crumb of comfort I took from my GP was that I was managing to conceive. She said that conception was the tricky part and that there was much they could do to help me carry a pregnancy to term if it transpired there was a problem. As it turned out, we were third time lucky - and also had DD2 from my fourth pregnancy.

Don't give up hope yet - and when you are next pg, it will be hard to count down those days and weeks. I had very early scans at the EPU just to try and manage my anxiety and it did help to have seen that very early pulse of a heart beat. But I took the view that you do - that the first two just weren't meant to be.

Keep on - and I wish you all the best.

Anne31 Sun 11-May-14 19:25:41

Hi Vashta,

Thanks for sharing your story. I am really happy to hear that you have gone on to have 2 successful pregnancies and now have two children. I hope you don't mind me asking, how did you feel when you became pregnant for the third time? I know its natural to feel a bit anxious and scared but I just want to try and be positive, just wonder how I am going to feel when I get pregnant again. I think I just don't want this experience of 2 miscarriages in a row take away from thinking positively. Any advice would be great x

ginmakesitallok Sun 11-May-14 19:31:02

I had 2 mcs after I had dd2. I remember the epu nurse saying that they often saw women twice, but was unusual to see them a third time. Didn't stop me worrying when I fell pregnant again, but dd2 will be 5 soon and there was light at the end of the tunnel for me. Good luck, hope all goes well next time. Mc is shit.

Anne31 Sun 11-May-14 19:31:58

Thanks howgoodisthat - you really have helped me. I think it helps knowing that people have gone through this and gone on to have successful pregnancies. It also really helps what you said about conception, you are totally right. It's a comfort to know that we are getting there, we've just got to stay strong and keep going.

I think I always thought that getting pregnant and having a baby would be so easy but know I know differently! A positive I take from this experience is that I know that once we have a baby we will treasure it all the more for going through this experience - I am so happy for you that you have 2DD :D you must be over the moon.

Many thanks for sharing x

bakingtins Sun 11-May-14 19:33:20

anne I'm very sorry you have lost your baby. I've had 4MC and the second one is very hard to cope with, difficult for you to accept the 'bad luck' line again, but nobody is interested in helping you. Your black and white ball analogy is a good way of looking at it. The MC rate of confirmed pregnancies (beyond the point where you missed a period) is around 15% so unfortunately it's not that unusual to have two in a row. Your chances of success next time are unaltered at 85%. 1% of women will have 3 MC in a row and the NHS tests will identify a problem in only half of these cases. In the other half, 70% will be fine in a 4th pregnancy. The NHS is just playing a numbers game, if they tested after 2 they wouldn't find a cause in many cases and not many MC would be prevented. I appreciate that is tough to take when it is you going through the emotional turmoil.
You can of course pay privately for testing at this stage, but your chances of getting an answer will be < 50% so you could well be told to go try again anyway....
If you have questions about testing or need some support from those who have been there several times over you are v welcome on the RMC thread, we apply the criteria much less strictly than the NHS.
flowers

AnyFucker Sun 11-May-14 19:33:31

I had two consecutive early miscarriages, then the next two stuck. There is hope, I promise x All the best wishes in the world to you.

Anne31 Sun 11-May-14 19:38:04

Thanks ginmakesitallok - I'm so glad that you had a possitive experience after the mc's. With DD2 did you just take every day as it came in the early stages? I'm so scared of going to the EPU again next time and having an early scan.. think its just the silence and waiting in the room for the nurse to tell you if its ok or not. Just really felt like deja vu on friday. I know I will just need to stay strong and go through it. Did you go for an earlier scan or just wait till 12 week scan? x

Anne31 Sun 11-May-14 19:42:22

Hi bakingtins, thanks for your support and I am so sorry to here what you have gone through sad that's extremely though. Did you have any testing carried out? I really appreciate the statistics you have sent through, thats really helpful.

I really hope that your next pregnancy is successful xx

Anne31 Sun 11-May-14 19:44:26

Thanks anyfucker - for sharing. I'm really glad you have had two pregnancies work out - gives me hope x

ginmakesitallok Sun 11-May-14 19:50:39

I joined mn when pregnant with dd2, and joined the knicker checker threads. Being honest my previous mcs did take a lot of the joy out of the early weeks of that pregnancy, but it was a text book normal one. We weren't actively trying for another baby at the time, I didn't know if I could cope with a third mc. She is a wonderful wonderful child, and she (and her sister!) are the lights of my life.

JonesSchool Sun 11-May-14 19:51:19

Hi Anne31, I'm closely following your thread. I have had 2 miscarraiges since Jan both at 5 weeks.
The second misscaraige I really couldn't believe it had happened, complete disbelieve, I couldn't believe I could be so unlucky.

I'm trying to think positively, I have taken up reflexology and after speaking to my GP have started taking baby aspirin, who feels it can't do any harm.

I now feel I'm playing a waiting game, next pregnancy will be successful or I hopefully can be referred for tests. Life seems incredibly unfair when everybody else seems to manage to have successful pregnancies.
I wish you so much luck xxx

bakingtins Sun 11-May-14 19:56:02

NHS tests normal after 3MC, told to try again, had 4 th MC that was tested as genetically normal, went private and found to have high NK cells (wonky immune system) now 36 weeks pregnant after treatment smile There is always hope.

There are v supportive threads on the conception and pregnancy boards for TTC/pregnancy after loss, because it's inevitable that you become a bit of a basket case in first trimester!

Anne31 Sun 11-May-14 20:17:18

hi JonesSchool,

I'm so sorry to hear you have been having a hard time of it too. Great that you have started reflexology, it really helps to keep your mind off the mc's when filling it with other stuff. I will look to do some other things. Going to start exercising again and may try the zumba class in my village.

That's interesting about the baby aspirin, I was doing some research about this yesterday and read mixed reviews, but I think I will see the GP this week and ask about it then. If its fine to take then wouldn't hurt to give it a try.

I really wish you every success this next time smile xx

Anne31 Sun 11-May-14 20:20:59

Hi bakingtins - I am super happy for you :D you are going to be a mum very soon which is awesome for you and v.exciting - and also really gives me hope. So good that there are tests available to find out why.

Thanks for the info about the other pages - I will definitely check this out - think I will need to stay sane going through this again! x

JonesSchool Sun 11-May-14 21:42:55

Anne31, I'm back exercising, I stopped running for both pregnancies and really missed it! Stopping clearly didn't have any effect! Just trying to get back and it's hard work!
With regards to baby aspirin I've read very mixed reviews, GP didn't think there would be a problem as no history of blood clotting and I really want to feel I'm doing something.
Worth talking to your GP about. I went to see mine because I wanted to check both MC's were on my records. I also tried to explain I wanted tests but didn't get very far.
By your name are you 31? I'm 31 and everyone around me is at the baby stage so feels so emotionally draining, everywhere there are babies. My mine set seems to be amazed that people carry babies to full term.

Anne31 Mon 12-May-14 20:48:17

Hi JonesSchool, yes i'm 31 and I know exactly what you mean. There are a lot of my friends who have told me they are trying to get pregnant and I feel like I am just waiting for the news they are. Also not just friends but people around me a couple of weeks ago I was in work and found out about 5 people who were pregnant in 24 hours! that was a hard day but then when I got my positive text a week later I was over the moon. Just gutted its ended this time sad I guess its just the age we're at that everyone is getting pregnant. I try not to let it get to me but it's easier said than done. I just keep thinking to myself one day it will be my turn - just got to keep strong.

I know what you mean about at least feeling like you are trying something with the baby asprin. I will speak to my GP about it. I would be gutted to have a third preganncy and miscarry, get testing and find out my blood was clotting. I think if it won't do any harm its worth a try. Just such a lottery! It could be 2 very unlucky pregnancies and (fingers crossed) everything will go great next time.

Its horrible at the moment, my body feels so pregnant still but I know the miscarriage will manifest itself soon... Just a waiting game. Want it to happen naturally so will just wait it out.

I'm really happy I have come on to this forum, I've felt much more positive since and its good to receive the support - thanks all smile

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