Waiting is torture - when will the bleeding start?

(19 Posts)
EmberElftree Thu 08-May-14 14:23:21

To those who have suffered through this or are suffering through this my heart goes out to you all. I really need some advice as the waiting is killing me.

I was diagnosed with a MMC on 20th April at 9 weeks (5mm but no heartbeat) and confirmed by another scan on 27th April at 10 weeks.

Our baby stopped developing at 6 weeks 4 days apparently. Going by their dates and my LMP (16th Feb) the baby must have died on 3rd March and it is now 8th May which is 5 weeks ago?

And here I am still waiting for the miscarriage to actually happen.

For those with experience of this horrible missed miscarriage which I had never even heard of until it happened to us - when does the bleeding start?

I have resigned myself to what has happened but there is still a small voice in my head asking if it's really true when there's no physical evidence…?

I am going back for another scan on Monday - the waiting is torture.

It took us 6 months to conceive and here I am over 9 months later still waiting to miscarry.

It seems like a terribly cruel joke when in different circumstances I could be holding my healthy baby sad

Our lives are on hold until we can move on from this - it sounds mad but I keep praying to see some blood each time I use the loo. I haven't bled since my last period in February.

Thanks to you all for any words of wisdom you have thanks

bakingtins Thu 08-May-14 19:32:19

ember I'm very sorry you are going through this. Is it your choice to wait for a natural miscarriage? Current NICE guidelines are to use 'expectant management' (wait and see) for 7-14 days and then offer either medical or surgical management if nothing has happened. Unfortunately it can take a long time for the body to recognise that the pregnancy is not developing, particularly if the sac is still growing and producing hormones. If you choose to wait you will miscarry eventually, but most people find the uncertainty and limbo very difficult to live with and opt for further management. The Miscarriage Association has information on all options and it might also help to read the tips for coping thread which has experiences of all methods.
I would suggest in your shoes you contact EPU and say you want to provisionally book medical/surgical management if nothing has happened by your next scan, so that you don't then have a further delay waiting for a slot. You are not at any particular risk waiting if that's your choice, but your emotional health is important too.

msmorgan Thu 08-May-14 19:35:49

I can't answer your question as I opted to have the op (sorry, can't remember the correct name) after my MMC. Mine was found at 12 weeks, probably lost around 8 weeks and I had op at 14 weeks, so at least 6 weeks with no natural miscarriage.

I felt as if my life was in limbo waiting to miscarry. Hopefully someone else can answer your question.

msmorgan Thu 08-May-14 19:56:22

Sorry, I must have cross posted. Also just realised I was actually nearly 16 weeks by the time I had the op, so 8 weeks without a natural miscarriage.

As mentioned above there is often a wait once you do request medical or surgical management. Obviously you may not want to go down that route, I have no experience of medical management but can say that having the surgical procedure was absolutely fine and it was a huge relief afterwards that it was finally over. Hope everything goes as well as it can.

OhTheDrama Thu 08-May-14 20:06:59

Ember I'm so so sorry for your loss thanks. I'm going through exactly the same as you at the moment. I found out last Thursday at 10+5 that our baby had died at 8 weeks. I have had on/off bleeding and lots of pain all week but it was discovered today that it was all still there and I hadn't lost much at all.

Mentally, I cannot deal with anymore, I can't deal with not knowing when or if it is going to happen. I have opted to have surgical management next Tuesday when they will remove the rest of the pregnancy. Good luck on Monday, I hope you find a way forward soon.

JaffaSnaffle Thu 08-May-14 20:18:34

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. It is horrible. I have had 2 mc, and the second one was a 'sit and wait' one. I knew from the start something was wrong, and early scans showed a poorly developing embryo.

I felt very conflicted because I really wanted to be pregnant - but knowing that it wasn't going to work out, I wanted it to be over so I could recover -and then I felt guilty about feeling that way. A really horrible drawn out process. I was waiting for my surgery and then it happened anyway, and I felt a degree of relief, but also deep sadness about what might have been. When it does happen, be prepared for another surge of emotion.

I agree with other posters that you need to have a date for surgery booked, and then you know there is a final end point. It may happen naturally before then, and everyone's body is different, but at least then you would feel some element of control over the situation.

Look after yourself in every way you can. It is a very tough thing to go through. Big hugs.

EmberElftree Sun 11-May-14 15:44:47

Thanks all for your replies, I started bleeding yesterday.

I have a disgusting virus at the moment coughing, sneezing, nose blowing. It started yesterday afternoon as we were on our way to wagamamas for lunch in the car, I sneezed and felt the blood. I have been wearing night time pads for just such an occurrence so luckily I was protected.

But then it happened so much worse today, just started pouring out. Was at work also which was scary and embarrassing in case any leaked. My colleague covered for me and I got home to sit in the bathroom all afternoon while the worse of it passed. I'm still bleeding quite heavily but think I've passed a lot of the tissue although will see how it goes overnight.

baking tins yes it was my choice to wait as I was worried about potential damage with a D&C and scared of the g.a. as when I had spine surgery I had a massive reaction to the g.a. and woke up during the op and pulled the tube out of my throat! The anaesthetist said I was a fighter blush

My app with the gyn is tomorrow so at least I have some news for her - the whole thing seems surreal in a way. I would have been 12 weeks exactly today and that's when we'd planned on telling our families.

How are you getting on Oh? So sorry that you're going through this. Have things moved on by themselves for you yet or are you still waiting? Best of luck for everything on Tuesday flowers

Emotionally I feel relieved that it's finally happening and have my lovely DH here to bring me cups of tea now I've made it into bed with a hot water bottle.

Thanks again for all of your support it is really helpful to know that there are ladies like yourselves out there who have experienced or are experiencing this also

x

Aoifebelle Sun 11-May-14 16:07:11

Ember, I have been through this myself recently. I decided to wait for things to progress naturally after previous D&Cs. It took about four weeks, and the absolute worst thing about it was the perverse hope that crept back in. I had a few residual pregnancy symptoms and then my brain started going "Maybe the scan was wrong - maybe my dates were reallly out, maybe my baby will defy all medical science and be fine". It completely sucked, it was at that point I considered another D&C. Thankfully things progressed soon after.

I understand the relief. The end of the limbo is the best thing that will have happened since the positive test. I took a good few weeks out to relax, enjoy life, see friends, get pissed and not think about anything conception wise. This works for me and I am feeling alot stronger. I know alot of other women jump straight back in, but for me I need a good period of feeling normal.

Be kind yo yourself and let others be kind to you.

xx

Sollers Mon 12-May-14 10:36:54

I'm sorry for your loss, Ember. thanks

* I had a few residual pregnancy symptoms and then my brain started going "Maybe the scan was wrong - maybe my dates were reallly out, maybe my baby will defy all medical science and be fine". *

This is me at the moment. Was told my baby was not developing last week at my eight-week scan and there was no hope, but my bastard brain still keeps hoping. I haven't started bleeding yet and my breasts are still sore. I have another scan tomorrow to confirm, but will take a D&C if it's offered because I can't continue like this.

I'm so sad and so lonely.

Dottydadoo Mon 12-May-14 11:47:08

Sollers - Im really sorry to hear that you're feeling like that. I remember you from the previous preg after miscarriage thread which I was also on until last week (I miscarried at the weekend). I hope that things move on for you this week in whichever way that may be. It hardly seems fair after the previous limbo between scans that you're put through the torture of this as well. xx

EmberElftree Mon 12-May-14 12:11:09

Aoife & Sollers that is exactly how - I felt too as though my body was still growing our child otherwise why wouldn't I have had any bleeding yet?

I still felt pregnant and had all of the physical aspects including positive test, sore boobs, nausea, high temperatures etc. it's a very cruel trick to experience.

Sollers It's a terrible thing and nothing anyone can say will make it better for you. The initial shock is overwhelming, isn't it? When they first tell you that your baby is not developing. The waiting is horrendous but now that it has actually happened I do feel relief. Good luck for your scan tomorrow, sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts to help you through this.

I had my app. at the gyn this morning and I have passed almost everything now, just a tiny amount left measuring a % of a cm thick so as I thought, I went through the worst of it yesterday.

In all it took 5 and a half hours for the actual miscarriage to happen. It feels like a long time ago even though it was only yesterday. I feel a bit emotional today, it's now like a normal period flow and the pain has gone thankfully.

I've managed to clean the house (distraction techniques!) and change the bed, etc. and I've got some nice incense oil on which I can't even smell because of this stupid cold I have.

My cat suddenly took to sitting on my lap before I knew I was pregnant and now she won't sit on me anymore. Amazing how intuitive they are she must have been able to sense the hormones. She knew before we did!

Will keep my eye on her in the future if she starts to sit on me again..hmm

x

Sollers Mon 12-May-14 15:54:35

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage too Dotty. thanks

And thanks Ember. I hope it's not too weird to say that I'm glad your waiting is over.

I'm ok some of the time but it hits me in waves. It's hard to accept that it's not going to happen now. Hopefully tomorrow's scan will help with that.
I really want to get back to running, as I find it really helps me emotionally, but my boobs are still far too swollen to do so, which seems a cruel trick.
I'm trying to work but not getting anywhere, so I think I might ask to be signed off sick for the rest of the week.

EmberElftree Tue 13-May-14 05:27:38

Me too Sollers, I was ok yesterday until I sat down with a coffee and it hit me again. I had a good cry and thought I'd be ok then my DH came home from work and we watched crap tv. Then I went to the loo and it overcame me again.

I look like I've been boxing today, my eyes are so swollen.

I guess you just have to keep letting it out when it hits you.

The running would be a great release I think and to get the endorphins going would also help. I asked my gyn yesterday if I could hit the gym and she said light exercise, otherwise the bleeding will be heavier.

Can't believe we all have to go through this sad

bakingtins Tue 13-May-14 05:41:59

ember you're quite right about letting it all out. Trying to squash down emotions is rarely successful, they will just bite you on the bum later. Give yourself permission to be very up and down about it for quite some time. It's a horrible experience physically, you have lost all your hopes and dreams for your baby's future and your hormones are crashing around you. Take it easy physically until the loss is completed, but I found running helped in the medium term.

sollers thinking of you today. If the loss is confirmed I hope you can get SMM booked quickly. Definitely take time off work, minimum of a week, posters often need two to feel anything like up to returning (emotionally more than physically, normally physically ok after a few days) but you can review it as you go along.

OhTheDrama Tue 13-May-14 13:11:50

Ember I'm glad that the waiting is over for you. You sound like you are dealing with things in a really positive way although it may not feel it right now. Just keep dealing with it at your own pace, your DH sounds very supportive too.

The waiting is now over for me too, bled heavily last night but still needed surgery today. Everyone at the EPAU were absolutely brilliant and helped to make a sad situation bearable. I'm just taking each day as it comes but the feeling of shock and grief seems to be lifting slightly and I'm not as emotional.

Sollers Tue 13-May-14 17:46:39

Oh Drama, I'm so sorry you're going through this too. It's all so shit and sad and hard and unfair.

Thanks for the support Ember and baking. My scan this morning confirmed the worst, so I've been scheduled for an EPRC tomorrow morning. I'm perversely glad the waiting is nearly over. And I've been signed off for at least a week.

Aoifebelle Wed 14-May-14 00:27:41

It is the shittiest of times. Wierdly last time round because I waited so long and the mc happened at the w/e, and wasn't too physically difficult, I went back to work on the Monday. I would much rather have not been in during the limbo, but it was of indeterminate length,so I muddled through. Afterwards I welcomed the normality of work. Everyone deals differently. Just listen to what your body and mind is telling you. I am very much a coper by nature and don't really suffer from general anxiety. Through all this I have learned that I have fairly brief but dramatic episodic meltdowns and that is ok. If I feel one coming now, I clear my diary and let it come. Freaks the tits off my dp, but as a coping mechanism it seems to work for me.

KildaTiffany Fri 23-May-14 15:57:00

Hi all.
Just found out today this is happening to me too.
12 week scan showing growth stopped weeks ago. No heartbeat.
No idea what to expect or how to get through it.

EmberElftree Thu 12-Jun-14 23:57:47

Hiya Aoife, Dotty, Sollers, Kilda & everyone,

Just wondered how you're all getting on?

Have just finished another out of nowhere blub and wondered how everyone else is getting on.

I'm still waiting on my first period after the mmc at 12 weeks on 11th May - I started to spot yesterday but brown blood and same again today.

Would love to get on with things and have a proper period so I can start charting again - have read its can take up to 9 weeks…?!

Hope you girls are getting on ok

x

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