Desperate after infertility and miscarriage(40 Posts)
I'm new to mumsnet and have always been scared to come on here before but now I'm desperate and need some advice.
Me and DH have been TTC for four years with lots of tests, operations, drugs and problems.
In October I had my second hysteroscopy and was prescribed progesterone. After almost 4 years we finally got our BFP! But a nine week scan showed a mmc and we were devastated.
I miscarried naturally, albeit with need for some hospital treatment due to blockage and blood loss.
Then a month later we conceived again. Went for a six week scan all fine with heartbeat etc then woke up Friday morning at 11 weeks to find some light spotting. I had a scan and they confirmed another mmc and carried out a D&C on Monday.
All my friends and family are having babies and I feel so left out / left behind. So desperate to have a turn in fate but I turn 34 in a few weeks and I'm a total wreck.
Can anyone tell me how to pick up from here? What can I do next? Feel utterly desperate and so depressed
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I would push for a referral to the recurrent mc clinic although it's meant to be for after 3 mc.I was told I had fertility issues but roughly had a mc a year for 3 years until I got pregnant with ds. It was a scary first tri as I kept on thinking I would mc but I didn't .lots of early reassurance scans - after 8 weeks made me feel better as that is when it changes from an embryo to a foetus and is a tricky stage apparently. I had my mmc at 11 weeks and it had stopped developing at 8 weeks.
I was older than you but I paid a lot of attention to egg health taking lots of zinc, co enzyme q10 etc
This site became my bible
I also had dr say to me that a mc is seen in infertility issues as a good sign that you can get pregnant - so I know its horrid but try and see it as progress!
Guessing you have a sweet tooth like me hehe. Thanks so much for sharing your story and making me think there is still hope! Congrats on ds
They wouldn't do an analysis of my D&C but have agreed to do blood tests now so that's a start. I want regular scans if I do get another BFP but not sure how to get that other than pay private. Were urs on NHS?
My fertility consultant has said he has some ideas on what might be happening and can possibly provide me with some additional drugs to reduce the risk. Guess I need to see what the bloods say first?!
They said my baby died at about 7 weeks this time, time before 6 weeks so at least I got a week further.
Thank you for sharing the link too, I will certainly check that out and start to make some healthy changes. Drinking a whole bucket tonight though, just want to get this next week or so behind me lol.
Enjoy your drink! I used to do that after each one.
Scans - I was a bit cheeky my epu was a drop in. They would basically scan you if you self referred acid just rocked up and waited. You would have to say pain or spotting. So I lied - a few times and would take my book and just wait until they could fit me in! V naughty. So on nhs.
Get consultant to reveal his view. Early mc can be due to low progesterone but not sure about later thought they were abnormalities but I'm no expert. I did take b50 from ( high level b complex) from holland and Barrett and I think that helped ds stick but I had short lutuel phase so my progesterone levels were low. My mc varied at times so early and 11 weeks like you. Have you had fsh, amh type tests done.
I always found reading everything and researching like hell made me feel more in control. Yoga helped me stay mentally strong - I may not have been able to control my fertility but at 35 I could do a head stand
Interesting! I have a luteal phase defect too, hence needing progesterone to conceive.
My AMH is very good (high), LH and FSH aren't quite in balance but nothing to worry about I've been told. Maybe I should research more though, I will ask more questions next time I see consultant too! I suspect I have a type of PCOS but not been told. Will try vitamins and will be pushy for scans if I get that far hehe.
Thanks for making me see there is still hope and for posting on here. You've made me feels much better xx
Glad I made you feel better. Get yourself to h&b for bits today as they have their penny sake on- b50 quite cheap and within 6 weeks I hade a sticky bfp best £5 I ever spent
Also fsh/lh ratio often means pcos so get googling pcos diet. I know their were lots of articles about this a while ago! I think it involves whole milk so for a sweet fix you can eat ice cream!!! ( ps you spotted the name yes I love cake)
Info is power - even if things seem contradictory give bits ago. Go in and say to dr 'do you think this will work' rather than wait to be told I think. I've had a few great chats with drs after being like this where they'll go 'oh yes I read a paper about that - unproven but worth a go' or dp out thrift own per theories which given me more ideas
fsh/lh ratio is actually the other way around to most people with pcos. I'm thinking I might pay to get it redone as I do wonder if they got it wrong when they wrote it down.
Will get myself down to the shops today if I can face the world and will start reading up on a better diet too. I'm a skinny girl so if I do have pcos it's not affecting my weight. Do have acne though, which is obviously a symptom.
Catlover, so sorry to hear about your losses
Fwiw, I have no known fertility/hormonal issues (I was fully investigated) and still had 4 MMCs. I had 3 of them before I finally had DS1 after 5 years of trying, conceiving and then losing the pregnancy.
I know have 4 boys and can v happily live with my 'ratio' of successes/losses, but know how hard it is when you have repeated MCs before you've actually had a baby.
Wrt to other people having babies: it helped me to remind myself that I did not want their baby, I wanted mine. And also that there was not a finite 'baby pool' that diminished every time somebody had a baby and that my chances of having one did not decrease because somebody else had one. Does that make any sense at all?!
V best of luck. And [chocolate] and and
Catlover, I just read your remark about you being slim.
I know somebody who was advised by her fertility specialist to gain a bit of weight to support her luteal phase. She conceived within 2 months of gaining 3 lbs and all's well so far. Fatty tissue is not just ballast, but also hormonally active, so it might be worth a try?
Catlover, I don't really have anything to say just wanted to give you a big virtual hug.
Your situation is what I fear most - as a long-term TTCer awaiting IVF, I am almost afraid to get a BFP in case it is lost and my heart is finally completely broken! I really feel for you and wish you every success
Ps my friend with major fertility issues was offered a scan every four weeks, she interspersed that with private every four weeks so she ended up with a scan every two weeks. They are about £100 each so £300 for the first trimester for scans every fortnight. Maybe something like that could work.
Btw after 6 years and 6 mc's she is now 24 weeks along - she's my inspiration!
Catlover I'm so sorry for your losses. It's even worse when the pregnancy was so hard won in the first place. It's good that you are getting the ball rolling with some tests. You'd be very welcome on the RMC thread if you want some support - we apply the criteria much less strictly than the NHS do.
AFAIK the AMH test is used as an indicator for PCOS as well as ovarian reserve, and presumably you've had ovarian scans as part of your fertility work up, so that may be a red herring, but worth discussing again with your doctor.
Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you've had some very hard times and I am sorry to hear of them but I am glad you have your boys now. You must have your hands full with four of them th
I have tried to gain weight the healthy way but it never seems to happen. I think all the stress of everything keeps me thin, I'm a born worrier and my mum is just the same! I will give it another go though, anything is worth a try isn't it?!
You are right about other people having babies and I do just want my own.
Sorry clicked send too early!!!
I just wanted to add I hope one day all this hard work and heartache will be rewarded with a baby. Cried myself to sleep last night because I just don't know how to handle all this.
Mars bars are your friends, Catlover
Solaia, thank you so much for your kind comments. I'm so sorry you're waiting for your BFP. When do you start IVF? A girl I know has recently had a baby from her IVF and she's over the moon so do hang in there!!!
Bakingtins, thanks for the invite I will join you on there then! Yes I have had a scan on my ovary and all looks fine. Will ask my FC again when I see him. It just kills me to not have a diagnosis if that makes any sense.
Hi Catlover, I really feel for you and remember your pain so well.
I had been ttc for 3 years and was overjoyed to conceive on our 1st cycle of IVF - only to lose our twins at 7 weeks. Conceived again on 2nd round of IVF only for the same thing to happen.
It took me another year to pluck up the courage to go again and then I had only one embryo - incredibly it implanted but I bled throughout my entire first trimester. That plucky embryo will be 6 next month and when he was only 7 mths old by some miracle we conceived his brother who will be 5 in the Autumn.
I'm not going to give you any platitudes but equally want to reassure you your journey is far from over and wish you all the best x
Better get a big bowl for breakfast then hehe! Xxx
When they check for pcos they also look at some other things. My fsh/lh ratio was fine. My problem was with shbg (sex hormone binding globulin). But your doctors will be figuring out what you need. Good luck.
It is hard. Be kind to yourself.
Have you looked into natural killer cells theory? I had 4 mcs before my DS after finding treatment. I found out about it through the recurrent miscarriage thread here on mumsnet and firmly believe that without it I wouldn't have my DS. You can ask for a referral via your GP - they might be willing to by pass the usual 3 miscarriage in a row rules - and ask to see Mr Shehata on the NHS at Epsom or St Helier hospitals in Surrey or see him privately at The Miscarriage Clinic in London/ New Life clinic in Epsom. I went privately as I was 37 and wanted to move quickly. He has around an 85% success rate which is amazing seeing the people who have found his treatment have often been trying and failing for years and are by that time getting older too. Professor Quenby is also testing and treating for high natural killer cells in the midlands.
I also saw St Mary's recurrent miscarriage clinic on the NHS but to be honest they concentrate very much on blood clotting issues and if you don't have any of these they often can't do anything for you.
Good luck! Fire away if you have any more questions.
What an incredible story!!! Thank you so much for sharing. That has made me feel much better.
I know I have to just hang in there. I guess yesterday was just my low point and maybe there are better times to come.
The fc days he can and will get me a baby so I have to try to trust in him don't I?!
We were referred in February and they have a twelve month max waiting list so hopefully we will start the process around Christmas. I'm completely in denial about it and think it must be happening to someone else! I'm in my 20's, this isn't what I expected!
I'm feeling a bit teary this morning so I sympathise with you crying last night. It is hard to be strong about something for years on end. Do you have support from your family or friends?
At least it's Saturday and maybe the sun will decide to come out.
I am so sorry to hear about your losses
you may want to read Lesley Reagan's book about mc - I got my copy on Amazon after my mmc and it explains why statistical two mc doesn't mean you will definitely have another mc. I found it reassuring. She also has a section at the back about the percentage of even recurrent mc sufferers ultimately who go on to have dc and it is very high.
I just wanted to send you huge hugs and say I hope you get a bfp again soon and that this is a sticky one xxx
Gwlondon, thanks I will ask my dr about that!
Freelance, I live in the midlands so will look up Prof Quenby!
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