Desperate after infertility and miscarriage

[Catlover2014]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to mumsnet and have always been scared to come on here before but now I'm desperate and need some advice.

Me and DH have been TTC for four years with lots of tests, operations, drugs and problems.

In October I had my second hysteroscopy and was prescribed progesterone. After almost 4 years we finally got our BFP! But a nine week scan showed a mmc and we were devastated.

I miscarried naturally, albeit with need for some hospital treatment due to blockage and blood loss.

Then a month later we conceived again. Went for a six week scan all fine with heartbeat etc then woke up Friday morning at 11 weeks to find some light spotting. I had a scan and they confirmed another mmc and carried out a D&C on Monday.

All my friends and family are having babies and I feel so left out / left behind. So desperate to have a turn in fate but I turn 34 in a few weeks and I'm a total wreck.

Can anyone tell me how to pick up from here? What can I do next? Feel utterly desperate and so depressed :(

Xxx

[WibWoo]

Hi Catlover. Im so sorry you have been through so much in recent years. The difficulties conceiving are enough to deal with let alone the grief of your miscarriages. 11 weeks seems like such a cruel time... So near to what feels like such an important milestone.
I don't have personal experience off recurrent miscarriage but there are some amazing women on here who I am sure can talk more to that. There is also a thread specific to this which you may have already spotted.
Most importantly I hope you are able to access some loving real life support to get you through such a sad time. Xxx

[Catlover2014]

Thank you so much for you kind message.

I'm trying my best to pick up the pieces and move forward but it's so very hard. Should have had my 12 week scan today and will be thinking this should have been a happy day.

Just hope on day I'll become a mum. Miss my two babies more than words can say.

XxX

[Kasterborous]

Hi Catlover I'm so sorry to hear you have been through such a difficult time. Miscarriage is horrible to go through. It's worse when you have seen your baby's heartbeat too, you will miss your babies it's heartbreaking to go through. It must be harder as well when you have had problems conceiving.

I first fell pregnant when I was 34 and unfortunately miscarried and then miscarried a further five times. Then four months before I turned 40 I gave birth to our daughter. We thought it was never going to happen for us, and after each miscarriage our grief felt like it was never going to end and we would never be happy again. You never get over it completely you just learn to live with it. I still grieve for the babies I lost. It is very hard when everyone around you seems to be having babies. You are happy for them but can't help thinking 'that should be me it's not fair', then you feel guilty for thinking that.

Just let yourself grieve, it's a bereavement like any other it takes time there are no right or wrong answers on how you should feel.

If you want to 'talk' at anytime please feel free to PM me. Take care of yourself and I wish you the very best of luck for the future