how long did you take of work?

(10 Posts)
smilingthroughgrittedteeth Mon 21-Apr-14 22:28:11

I found out id had a mmc on mon 7th april, I had an erpc on wed the 9th.

Im a nanny and I just dont feel ready to go back, im devastated and spend a huge amount of the day in tears, physically im fine but emotionally im a complete mess.

Its barely been 2 weeks and everyone is telling me I should be going back and returning to normal.

My boss has emailed me tonight saying I need to supply a sick note, fine id planned to go to the drs tomorrow to get one and ask about support groups/counselling, and that they will be asking to see my medical records before I return to work if im off for a prolonged period.

Im so upset and dont know how to deal with it, is 2 weeks long enough? Should I go back? Can I lose my job for taking an extra week off?

I dont expect to get paid I know they have to pay a replacement nanny, ive worked with them for 6 years and rarely have time off, I hate that im letting them down but I just cant go back yet.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Mon 21-Apr-14 22:31:05

I was 14 weeks pregnant, id seen my babys heartbeat

17leftfeet Mon 21-Apr-14 22:32:19

I went back after 2 weeks because it was the right decision for me -gave me something else to think about

You know what's right for you, discuss it with your doctor but don't feel pressurised to go back to work just yet

MissHobart Tue 22-Apr-14 19:22:04

First two I worked through them, this last one I had a week off, not a martyr but needed to be doing something other than wailing at home sad I'm nowhere near 100% but being busy sort of helps. I'd take as much time as you need, be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. How much time would work expect you to take off if an older child died? It's exactly the same situation it just happened earlier. I've found that most people don't understand this. thanks

jbee1979 Tue 22-Apr-14 22:29:53

I took 7 working days, 3 leading up ERPC, one for that day, and 3 the following week. In retrospect, that wasn't long enough. It was nice to have routine again, but I was an emotional wreck for... I was going to tell you a time period, but it's been nearly 7 weeks and I'm still teary some days. You'll never get over it, it gets better, but your hormones will still be all over the place. Try to forget about work, take care of yourself, be kind to yourself. My boss wanted me back to work ASAP too, I thought I'd be "thanked" and maybe he'd be a bit flexible if I wasn't feeling up to it - but he wasn't. Now it's like it never happened and I really feel like I'm just a number. You've been through a lot. Don't rush yourself thanks

ummnotsureaboutthat Tue 22-Apr-14 22:48:46

2nd miscarriage discovered at 12 week scan. Had Erpc on a Thursday back at work Monday. No one at work knew I was pregnant. It was fine & felt right for me to get back to normal.

3rd mc again at just over 12 weeks. Had been bleeding for a few days (like a heavy period) lost 'sac etc' on a Saturday morning. Then entertained friends that evening (again they had no idea I was pregnant). I was stoic and managed but again not for everyone and would probably not choose to do so again. hmm

marshmallowpies Tue 22-Apr-14 23:41:58

I also had a miscarriage early on a Saturday morning, having been in bed more or less permanently since the previous Weds evening. I wasn't in any real discomfort/cramps till Friday evening, but on the thurs and fri I just felt completely incapacitated. If I'd been working, I wouldn't have been able to function.

Once I had passed the sac on Saturday I felt much more back to normal and was up and about sitting on the sofa on Sat/Sunday afternoon. DH who had been looking after me & DD went back to work at Monday lunchtime & I was back to looking after DD that afternoon.

2 weeks on, I have stopped bleeding but can't say I'm completely back to normal. I still feel very run down and have a lingering cough/sore throat I can't get rid of. I am much more back to myself than I was a week ago, though.

SeaSaltMill Wed 23-Apr-14 15:47:27

I took just over 2 weeks off each time.

Take as much time as you need. Do not feel pressured. Personally I found getting back to work was helpful as it gave me something else to concentrate on, but I couldn't have gone back earlier as I was too emotional.

Do what's best for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Thu 24-Apr-14 11:07:36

My dr has signed me off for 2 weeks so in total I will of had 4 weeks off, each day gets easier but when it hits me im a complete sobbing wreck and im terrified of it happening in front of the children I nanny for, I cant control it and I really dont want to upset them, seeing me cry is one thing but even dp finds it distressing.

swlondonnanny Thu 24-Apr-14 17:41:58

So sorry Smiling, please do take as much time off as you need. After working for your bosses for 6 years I would expect them to be more understanding - did they know you were pregnant?
I think in our job it is somehow harder as you want to do what's the best for the children you are looking after but that's not possible if you are grieving your loss.
I 'only' ever miscarried very early on and went to work while it was happening. Regret doing it now and not taking time off - physically I was fine but emotionally not. So with the last one ( I miscarry a lot, sadly) I just took time off and allowed myself to be sad. It really helped a lot.
And if they fire you after working for them for 6 years well you are better off working for someone else.
Hope you'll feel better soon

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