I am new here so please excuse the ramblings...
My oh and I have been trying for a baby for about 18 months. I got pregnant around June last year but had an MC at 11 weeks. Amazingly I got pregnant again 2 months later. After a couple of bleeding scares early on our 12 week scan confirmed a heartbeat.
At our 20 weeks scan we were told that our little boy had mild to moderate ventriculomegaly. This obviously scared the life out of us but the consultant said that she couldn't see any other problems with him but referred me to have an MRI scan on the baby's brain.
The week after we went back to see if the fluid levels in his brain had gone down/up/stayed the same and they had actually gone down a tiny bit. Everything seemed ok until the consultant received the results of the MRI. it showed he had agenesis of the corpus callosum and the left hemisphere of his brain hadnt developed properly. She called the neurologist who said that the chances of him being severely disabled/brain damaged were pretty much certain and his quality of life extremely poor. That's when the bottom fell out of our world.
We made the decision to end our little boys life early to prevent him from misery and suffering. As awful a decision as it is, I am confident I am doing the right thing.
Tomorrow I am going in to have him and this being my first experience of any form of labour I am utterly terrified. I am terrified of the whole process, seeing my baby and having to deal with the after effects physically and emotionally.
I don't know whether I am asking for advice or just want to get this down somewhere but I am so scared and feel angry that this is happening to me.
Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.
Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Going in tomorrow to have my son at 23+3 weeks
Cornishlady · 10/04/2014 02:40
Oh, Cornishlady, my heart aches for you.
It is unfair and cruel and you are doing such a brave thing for your little boy 
.
I am wishing you strength and fortitude for tomorrow (?today) and that you and your DH can be a support to each other.
I shall be thinking of you all.
cornishlady I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you will be well supported through labour, there should be plenty of pain relief on offer. If you haven't already been directed there, the charity SANDS offers a lot of support for late loss/stillbirth. From posts I've read on here, taking the chance to spend some time with your baby and have memories, handprints, photographs etc will help you in the long run. Sending you strength for a very difficult day ahead.
What an awful thing to happen
I hope that all goes smoothly & like someone said up thread, hold him and spend some time with him. Have you named him?
Thinking of you all 
My heart goes out to you both. I suffered a late miscarriage, which although in no way as traumatic as what you are going through, does mean I can advise you to take photos and hold him for as long as you need to. I wish so much that I had.
We did go for a proper burial, which definitely helped. And do think about counselling, because grief has a funny way of hitting you later down the line. Talk about him as much as you can to anyone who will listen because that helps too.
Our little boy had a different diagnosis but was not going to make it once born.
I was induced at 22+5 wks. I still remember the feeling as we left home to go to the hospital. It felt like I was being sent to the gallows. It took a lot of effort to make my feet go one in front of the other.
The physical process of induction wasn't too bad but emotionally just horrific.
The mw took ds away at birth as he was very malformed from the abdomen down. She took him back dressed in some tiny clothes my gran knitted for me, wrapped in the shawl that I was brought home from hospital in. Subsequently dd was wrapped in the same shall when she was born.
We spent as much time as we wanted with him and took lots of photos and cuddles.
Leaving without our baby was as bad as arriving. The hospital chaplain blessed ds for us. Both sets of grandparents came for that.
We too had a proper funeral for him.
The hospital had taken hand and foot prints and gave us the measuring tape they used etc.
Everyone at the hospital were incredibly thoughtful and supportive. I have nothing but admiration for the people who work on that ward. It must be very difficult.
I now have a memory box with all his bits and pieces in it. It sits beside his younger sister's memory box and one day I will tell her about her big brother.
I hope they take good care of you.
Thinking of you today, Cornishlady, you, your DH and your little boy are in my heart.
drama, what a brave post and how brave you were at the time
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