'Better luck next time'

(14 Posts)
LittleMissSunshine33 Thu 13-Mar-14 07:18:10

I have had an MC at 5+4 first pregnancy, first MC. I am so surprised at people's reactions, friends and doctors. I've had people say 'Better luck next time' 'At least you know you can get pregnant' 'it happens so often it's not a big deal' It's probably that I'm obviously sensitive at the moment but really? Has anyone else found this??

shakeyjake Thu 13-Mar-14 09:09:59

Some people.are so insensitive, sorry for your loss after I lost my baby girl I had people tell me 'at least you have your other dc' and 'you will have better luck next time' x

Pawprint Thu 13-Mar-14 11:36:23

Oh yes, I've had all these stupid comments.

I actually backed away from a woman (who barely knew me) who said it was 'just as well' I'd lost the baby as it would have been badly disabled. Whether or not that was true, I could have smacked her for her insensitivity.

I'm afraid I was probably just as ignorant before I had my miscarriages, but I know better now.

CountessOfRule Thu 13-Mar-14 11:38:14

People don't know what to say. It's like the platitudes at a funeral.

Translate each clumsy remark in your head to "how horrible; I care about you" - which it is and which they do - and they hurt less.

I'm sorry for your loss thanks

bakingtins Thu 13-Mar-14 11:42:51

If I've learned anything through the process of 4 MC it's that it never helps to say " at least... anything" to anyone who is suffering. If there are any positives in the situation you will find them yourself in your own good time. All that helps right now is acknowledgment that it is shit, and that people care about you.
So I'm sorry for your loss OP it is a horrible thing to go through, and I hope you are feeling cared for IRL. flowers

LittleMissSunshine33 Thu 13-Mar-14 18:44:27

Thanks everyone don't get me wrong I've had some people say lovely things I just find some of the comments hard right now. When have others started thinking about trying again?

VeggySausage Thu 13-Mar-14 18:53:26

I think what people are attempting to convey (badly) is that miscarriage rate is actually very high in early pregnancy (up to 20%) and you shouldn't think this means you are done and that you will never have a baby in your arms. I think because miscarriage is a bit of a taboo subject people don't realize how high the the rates are and that some of the people who gave you the rubbish platitudes have probably had miscarriages themselves..and are genuinely trying to make you feel better and let you knwo that it will happen.

That doesn't change the fact that you wanted this pregnancy and this baby..and that your loss is very real.. I've had a miscarriage and almost everyone I know (who I knew well enough to discuss this sort of thing with) has too... and we have all gone on to have healthy happy babies, and you will too xx

CountessOfRule Thu 13-Mar-14 19:32:03

I tried again straightaway - the idea consumed me.

First mc, took me a while to get my cycle back, but tried as soon as it did and fell with DC2 on cycle three.

Second time, mc in January and conceived in February.

I'm told there is a fertility boost after mc - felt like it worked for us.

Good luck whenever you do feel ready.

LittleMissSunshine33 Sat 15-Mar-14 08:49:35

Thank you for your words. Am feeling better every day and thinking more positive for the future! Hope you all are ok too smile

chestut Mon 17-Mar-14 22:09:06

1 week after 1st miscarriage went to GP to tell him, started to get a bit teary, condescendingly and insensitively told "now you're not going to cry are you?"

LittleMissSunshine33 Wed 19-Mar-14 17:52:24

Oh no that's awful! Some people seem to find the whole subject hard to talk about.

I was wondering if anyone knew when my next period may come. Is it usually 28 (one cycle) after miscarriage?

jazzyjenbo Wed 19-Mar-14 18:30:15

Mine was exactly 1 month after MMC management.

If ur thinking if ttc i would highly recommend downloading the ovia app. It helps u record all ur signs and symptoms. (I tracked my mc as an af to start it off)

X

CountessOfRule Wed 19-Mar-14 18:40:27

Mine were about six weeks after a 10w medical management, and about two weeks after a 6w complete.

I gather it varies from woman to woman. Don't forget you're also likely to ovulate before your first period - HCPs don't like that because it makes it tricky to date the pgy grin

Good luck thanks

LittleMissSunshine33 Sun 23-Mar-14 13:33:54

Thank you ladies x

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