MMC - feel so sad. Empty. Want to try again but can't.

(7 Posts)
Sadpuppy Fri 07-Mar-14 10:30:12

Had a MMC last week. I'm so flat. And low and disappointed. I'm starting to cry every time someone says hi to me.
Feel so alone even though I have loads of friends. The general public/ mums in playground/people on my FB don't know and are all carrying on as normal and I'm feeling gutted. I want to tell everyone so I can be openly sad. But on the other hand I don't want to tell people. Not sure that's making sense.

The kids know and I'm trying not to be sad in front of them, as they were becoming very upset too- I think me being so mopey and teary was making them worse.
All I can think about is that I want my baby back. And I want to be pregnant again. But I can't. Dh doesn't want to. This baby wasn't planned. And it would be not practical or
sensible. But I want to be anyway.
Sorry this is so rambly.

wifey6 Fri 07-Mar-14 12:12:12

So truly sorry for your loss. I could have written this post in 2012.
Only family knew we were pregnant so I didn't feel I could openly grieve & be sad with friends etc & had to put on a brave face til my DS was in bed.
So I sought help from a bereavement counsellor. Would that be an option for you? It's a free service. I found it very helpful & I was given that time, each week, just to talk about my loss & ways to go forward.
I hope each day you find yourself getting stronger, just be gentle with yourself thanks

Lilybensmum1 Fri 07-Mar-14 12:24:55

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I know exactly how you feel you need to grieve but it almost feels inappropriate and awkward to tell people! also I found people avoided the topic anyway! The next couple of weeks will probably be really tough due to hormones settling, is there nobody you could talk to? I found the miscarriage association really helpful if you can't talk to anyone they have suggestions for dealing with your grief, like you I wanted to have another feeling like it might cancel out the hurt we didn't in the end and now I'm glad, I did end up having counselling though may sound a bit extreme!! but it took me ages to realise I had become depressed it really helped, when I look back now I don't know how I got through each day so, what I'm trying to say is talk to someone early, of course it's normal initially to feel like this and you never know you may be ok just be kind to yourself and see how you go.

jazzyjenbo Fri 07-Mar-14 18:24:06

Hi hun, so sorry for your loss.
I had a mmc in January and i had only told close family and friends i was expecting.
I decided to announce it on fb!! I know this isnt for everyone but i announced the births of ds and dd so why not announce my loss aswell.
I wrote.
'Theres a new little star in the sky tonight, baby <****>, 9+3 gone but never forgotten.'
It might amaze u the amount of pm's u receive, friends who i never knew had mc and mmc contacted me and its been a great help.
Also the mums in playground and toddler groups etc. When they say 'are u ok' or 'hows things' just say not great i've had a MC. No secrets and they will totally understand ur grief/mood over the coming weeks.
Be kind to yourself

Luckystar1 Fri 07-Mar-14 18:34:54

I had a mmc in September with my first pregnancy, I can honestly say it was one of the worst times in my life and I was extremely low for a long time afterwards. In fact I only think I started to look up again recently.

I really, really feel for you and I understand every single thing that you've said above.

I didn't have counselling but I was advised to on a number of occasions, I was too stubborn to seek help. I would say, I wish I had, as I might have dealt with it all a bit sooner.

Having said that, there are no rules when it comes to grief. Just look after yourself, and try to find something, anything positive in every day, it helps a little!

You are in my thoughts.

Forester Fri 07-Mar-14 19:15:23

I'm so sorry for you.

I had two MMC's last year so can sympathise with how you feel. With the first one quite a few people knew that I was pg as I'd been very open about trying for No2 and it had taken two years of TTC to become pg. With the second one I'd avoided telling people I was pg as I didn't want congratulations when I was so worried things were going to go wrong (as unfortunately proved to be the case) but I confided in some close friends afterwards. While it's helped that I have friends about me that know what I've been through none have been in the same situation as me. But I have found Mumsnet (or rather the posters!) an enormous comfort over these last few months. But if I felt I needed it I would seek professional help in the future.

I think things are particularly hard for you as you as not only are you grieving for your baby but also for any future baby. It's a very difficult time for you but I hope it's not too long before you start to feel better.

x

Sadpuppy Fri 07-Mar-14 21:42:10

Thank you for your replies. I have called my doc and left a message saying I'd like to talk to her- we have a good relationship and she is lovely. Maybe she will suggest someone for me to talk to.
I have thought about saying something on fb. Today I've had 3 messages from people saying they don't want to pry and asking if I'm ok and that they hope I feel better soon. They def know something is up.

As for grieving for future babies that is so true. I didn't know how much I wanted another baby until I was pregnant with this one. And now he/she has been taken from me. And that last baby chance too sad I also keep thinking about how it happened , how they had to suck it out of me. sad sad so awful.

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