Dealing with due date.

(6 Posts)
Yetsofar Tue 04-Mar-14 23:21:17

Not a mummy, made an account just to post this as wanted to clear my head, and apologies for ensuing long speech.
It's a complicated situation, but I had an abortion in September. What am I doing in the miscarriage section? It did not go to plan.
I didn't expect to be pregnant, not in a situation at all to be, so I discussed things with the dad and we both agreed it wasn't the right time.

But I fell in love.

I hadn't fully made up my mind, as although I'm 100% pro-choice, that doesn't mean pro-abortion, and Peanut (that's his/her name) felt like a baby already. I only had sex once in the previous 6 months, so I knew it should have been 11 weeks when I found out, and figured out the due date.

When I got to the clinic to discuss my options and start the abortion process, i.e. get a scan, it turned out Peanut had already died. I was devastated. Already in constant tears at the idea of getting rid of it.
So yes, I went in for an abortion, but left with a forced miscarriage. The decision was taken out of my hands and I didn't cope well. Has to defer of 2 terms of uni due to a mental breakdown.

I'm much better now, it only crosses my mind occasionally. However the due date is coming up on the 24th of April. I know it's a while away but it feels like it's looming. How has anyone else coped with this date? I'm not religious but was raised as such and want to ask the dad (who is a close friend of mine) to come to church with me for a short prayer...would that be crazy? Would it be unreasonable to tell the uni so that I can have a couple of days off?

Any advice is appreciated.

Paintyfingers Wed 05-Mar-14 00:23:31

I am very sorry to hear that you lost your baby hmm

The due date passing was a very hard time for me too after my mc and I think your idea to mark it in a way that is meaningful for you is a really good one.

Some people here have said they bought a special bracelet or necklace to mark the lost baby's due date. That wouldn't be for me personally, but I can see how it could be a comfort. Others have planted a special plant or a tree to commemorate their baby's life. Something that feels right to you personally is the way to go.

Un mn hugs to you thanks

bakingtins Wed 05-Mar-14 10:56:43

I think marking the EDD in whatever way feels meaningful to you is a good idea, and as it may be an emotional day missing a day of uni is probably the way to go, if that's not too disruptive to your studies.
I have bought a charity gift on the EDD of my (4) miscarriages, something baby related like midwifery training or vaccinations for newborns. It has helped a bit to think that if I couldn't safely carry and birth my babies I could help another.
IME it gets easier after the EDD - something about a natural period of grieving that seems to tie in with the length the pregnancy would have been. I hope you find that's the same for you.

eurochick Wed 05-Mar-14 11:00:02

I found the EDD difficult. Once that had passed everything became easier. I was no longer thinking "I should be x weeks pregnant and y should be happening now".

I think the charity donation is a lovely idea. I might do that on the anniversary of my mc, which is coming up in a few days.

picklebum2011 Thu 06-Mar-14 20:05:10

I'm sorry to hear of your tragic loss. I let a balloon go, had a nice walk along the seafront let balloon go and then balled my eyes out watching it float away. Felt a sense of peace after.

BitchPeas Thu 06-Mar-14 20:13:26

I'm sorry for your loss OP

I went away for the weekend with my friend. (Had split up with the dad shortly after)

We went out for the night, I had a few, went outside and started to sob, could not stop . 2 boys about 18/19 came and asked me what was wrong, I told them, they gave me a group hug and their last cigarette. They were very nice about it. They originally thought it was a horrible boyfriend situation and started the conversation offering to Go and beat him up hmm grin
I also planted a pink plant (was a girl)

It does get a lot easier after due date IMO

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