Can anyone tell me what happens next?

(21 Posts)
AllTerrainMammy Thu 13-Feb-14 12:09:18

Having had a perfectly normal pregnancy so far, I had some bleeding yesterday and when seen by the hospital, was told that sadly they could no longer see baby's heartbeat. I am 20+2.

Hubby and I spent the day in a bit of a blur but I took some medication which is supposed to 'start things happening' and have to go back to the hospital tomorrow for more drugs which will apparently induce something similar I labour and I'll have to deliver my baby.

I was probably told yesterday but failed to take it in - but just really need to know what to expect next? How much pain? How much blood? What happens afterwards?

We are lucky enough to have a gorgeous 2 year old DD who is keeping us going. Today I feel very sick and very dizzy/lightheaded - is this normal too? A side effect of te medication or my bodies way of coping with what's happened?

Any answers would be very gratefully received. Apologies if I'm rubbish at responding x

Stockhausen Thu 13-Feb-14 12:21:21

Im so sorry for your loss, I only have experience of earlier miscarriages & had medical managements which involved tablets & pessaries. I don't remember much about bleeding etc afterwards, although I do remember having a period six weeks after the last time, I actually fell pregnant again the following month with my son.

You will be given pain relief in hospital & I took it for a few days afterwards at home too, there are mo prizes for suffering so keep up the dose if you need it.

I also felt quite washed out, so took a good iron supplement.

The staff were lovely, which makes it more bearable.

Hope others can help you more than me, just didnt want to read & run thanks

Onetraumaatatimeplease Thu 13-Feb-14 15:26:23

I too found out yesterday that my baby had sadly died. I am 28 weeks. I was given a pill and told to come back on Friday to deliver my baby. I have no idea what happens afterwards and it's eating me up. They want to do a kind of post mortem. Not really sure if I want them to do this, I can't bear the thought of him being cut open. I don't know if I will be able to see him. I don't know what will happen to his body. If anybody can help....

bakingtins Thu 13-Feb-14 15:28:15

ATM I am so sorry. I have not had a 2nd trimester loss, but from other posts know that delivering the baby is like going through labour, though obviously with a much smaller baby. You will be offered good pain relief, and I really hope the staff will look after you.

There is lots of useful info in the SANDS booklet "when a baby dies before labour begins" and that site offers a lot of support and practical information.

I am so sorry for your loss flowers

bakingtins Thu 13-Feb-14 15:32:23

OTATP also sorry you are facing this horrendous loss. The SANDS site should be able to answer all your questions. flowers

pineapples56 Thu 13-Feb-14 16:31:14

AllTerrain - am sorry to hear you're going through this. Similar thing happened to me and I delivered my baby boy at 20 weeks. After I took the initial medication, it made me feel quite nauseous. 2 days later, I went back to hospital for second set of medication to induce labour. Nothing happened for me for the first 12 hours, no pain/bleeding. There was just some mild period like cramping then a few hours after that labour pains started and the whole thing is treated like a 'normal' labour. You get offered pain relief, so accept that as you need. I remember asking the midwife loads of questions, everything was a blur and so upsetting. It was my first pregnancy, so I had no idea of what to expect!

We saw our little boy after he was born, am so glad we did. I'll never forget the short time we spent with him, he was tiny but perfect. The midwife was ok and organised for the mortician to see us and organise things after that.

I'll never forget all this, and I hope for those that have lost babies have all the strength and support around them to get through it. xx

katieash76 Thu 13-Feb-14 18:36:58

I'm so sorry for your loss. I went through this last summer at 19 weeks pregnant. I took the first tablet and went back 2 days later. I had my own midwife and it was treated like a normal labour and I was told I could have any pain relief like normal labour, gas and air, pethidine, even epidural if I wanted. I took pessaries and was told I couldn't leave my room as (tmi alert) sometimes it could happen very quickly and all of a sudden and they didn't want me to deliver on the toilet or something.

Nothing happened for hours so I had more pessaries and then things happened very very quickly. But my only other labour with my 3yo DS was also very quick. It wasn't painful delivering, I only had paracetamol in the end but only a few minutes before as it was so quick. After I delivered they took dd away and I had to wait to deliver the placenta which took another hour or so. Once it was all over and I rested, ate and got dressed the midwife brought my dd to us and we spent a couple of hours with her just me and DH. We had photos of her and the hospital did hand/footprints. We also had the hospital chaplain come and bless her. We left the hospital late that evening and were given a box by the sands organisation.

We had a funeral just me and DH a 2 weeks later, all arranged by hospital chaplain and funeral directors which they did amazingly well.

I bled on and off for a couple of weeks, similar to when I had my DS. I got my AF 5 weeks later. I produced quite a bit of breast milk afterwards which was annoying and upsetting. The days afterwards went by in a fog and after the funeral it was like things had to get back to normal. Having a DS really kept us going through it. I had 3 weeks off work then went back for few days before 6 week summer holiday (I'm a teacher).

You must look after yourself and take all the time you need to get through it. It was the worst thing I've been through and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Losing a child is heartbreaking and so so painful but it does get easier with time. Big hugs xxxx

Armadale Thu 13-Feb-14 18:58:36

I'm so sorry for your loss, ATM, and for you too, OneTrauma.

I lost my first PG at 20 weeks 2 years ago.

I am going to give an unvarnished account of what happened as it helped me to read other's posts on here before I went to mentally prepare myself. Feel free to skip if you don't want to know details.

I think hospitals vary in how sensitive/knowledgeable they are about second tri losses, and I think I was unfortunately somewhere pretty clueless, so some of my experience was down to that.

I had to go back in 2 days after the first lot of tablets. I was due in at 10am but had to ring first to check there was a bed and there wasn't one available so they said they would call back when they had one. Unfortunately a bed did not become available until 7pm at night, so DH and I had a very very long day waiting at home dreading what was to come. I got there at 8pm, they gave me vaginal pesseries to start things off at 9:30. I found them putting them in quite painful. They also gave me the post mortem consent forms to fill in at this time and I really should have said I didn't want to do it at that time, but I didn't want to make a fuss so I carried on. I found the form quite hard- it was about 8 pages long and went into a lot of detail about what organs/tissue etc could be taken and how it could be retained etc. It is not pleasant to fill in.

After the pessaries nothing seemed to happen for a couple of hours, DH and I were alone in a private room, not on a ward. Then I got mild contractions for a couple of hours and then a few stronger ones. I had paracetamol but didn't need anything else before I delivered the baby. No-one had been back to the room since the pesseries at this point so we had to ring the buzzer for the nurse to come. I was advised not to see it as it has been dead for a couple of weeks and so had started to decay quite badly. I am grateful that the nurse suggested this to me as I would have found that quite distressing.

I did not deliver the placenta which apparently is much more common in these sort of cases than later deliveries, so it might be a possibility. A couple of docs had a go at manually pulling it out which was a bit grim but not painful, just mortifying. After this they gave up and took me to theatre for an ERPC. When I woke up I was tired but relieved it was all over. I had mild bleeding for a couple of weeks afterwards, possibly the ERPC got a lot of stuff out. AF returned after 5 weeks.

It took about 8 weeks for the PM results to come back (well, I think the hospital got them back in 4 and then made an appointment for me to see the consultant to be given them. I then had various tests at their suggestion based on the PM findings.

I did not have a funeral for the baby, the hospital suggested they just took it away and dealed with it. I find that difficult now and wonder if it would have been better to have a funeral, but of course there is no way of telling.

One thing that really helped me was someone on a thread the night before I went in saying to me 'you are in shock, and you have to make a lot of decisions, accept that the decisions you make will be the best you can do at the time and don't torture yourself afterwards with re-thinking everything. I have held onto this.

thanks for you x

Stockhausen Thu 13-Feb-14 18:59:20

I didn't even think about sands, they are a wonderful resource & help.

ive heard of hospitals doing hand & footprints too.

Hoping it all goes smoothly for you, seek counselling or comfort anywhere you find it.

tj

AllTerrainMammy Thu 13-Feb-14 19:12:25

Thank you so much for your responses. I'm sorry to hear of your losses too.

I've been getting really bad period type cramps since late this afternoon and paracetamol and ibuprofen are only taking the edge off. Is this normal or a sign that things are progressing and I should maybe call the hospital?

Armadale Thu 13-Feb-14 19:43:18

I would call the hospital in case they want you to come in and be assessed. so sorry you are going through this x

Onetraumaatatimeplease Fri 14-Feb-14 03:15:03

Hi all. Thank you for the lovely messages, I have birth to a beautiful 2lb 5oz baby boy at 9.30. The staff have been wonderful. The baby has been blessed and is now sleeping beside me. In the morning I have to say goodbye. Dh and I have had hand and footprints done and we will have him cremated and keep his ashes with us. Such a sad time, I hope he knows he is loved

AllTerrainMammy Fri 14-Feb-14 04:43:45

Oh Onetrauma your post has me in floods of tears. I'm wide awake and dreading the next 24 hours.

I can't find the right words to say but I hope you find comfort in holding your baby boy and spending some very precious time with him. Thinking of you.

bakingtins Fri 14-Feb-14 07:26:07

otaatp what a beautiful post. I'm so pleased you have been able to spend time with your son and say goodbye properly. All your baby will ever have known was love, he will never have to face any of the hardships of life. RIP little chap.

ATM thinking of you today and wishing you strength and courage. I hope you are able to find some peace in meeting your LO too.

Stockhausen Fri 14-Feb-14 10:52:51

onetrauma thanks all your boy knew was love, safety & being warm and cosy. The sound of your voice, and the beat of your heart.

Foxsticks Fri 14-Feb-14 11:04:32

stockhausen has said what I wanted to say so beautifully. I'm so sorry for both if your losses ATM and onetrauma, I'll be thinking of you both today.

wifey6 Fri 14-Feb-14 11:19:42

onetrauma...I'm so sorry for the heart-breaking loss of your baby son. Your post is so full of love for him & written beautifully. I hope spending time with him & saying goodbye in your own way is peaceful for you.
ATM..I am so sorry you are going through this. Just devastating. Please know that there is support out there for you. Will be thinking of you today.
Stock...your post..so beautifully written, just what I wanted to say x

Jollyb Fri 14-Feb-14 18:21:18

Thinking of you both. One trauma your son sounds beautiful .

AllTerrainMammy Mon 17-Feb-14 09:55:48

It's taken a while for me to be able to out this down in words but we delivered a beautiful baby boy at 1.52am on Saturday.

He weighed a tiny but perfect 1lb5oz. I was able to give him a cuddle and say goodbye properly which I am so grateful for.

Things since have been horrible but our DD is keeping us going. Hope you are doing ok Onetrauma?

Stockhausen Mon 17-Feb-14 10:47:32

Thinking of you both thanks

wifey6 Mon 17-Feb-14 11:03:45

ATM...I am glad you were are to hold & be with your precious baby boy & say goodbye. I have been thinking of you all weekend. I am so sorry you have had to go through this. Your DD sounds like a wonderful focus & she truly will help get you through.
I can not begin to imagine what this has been like for you, my loss was earlier in weeks than yours, just please know that there is support out there for you & your family x

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