Getting worse emotionally, not better

[vallinnapod]

I had a MMC in the middle of August. Was 9 weeks, baby had died at 8+4. It was an IVF pregnancy, the last frozen embryo we had from our first IVF cycle that resulted in DS.

I had felt so lucky to have got pregnant from the same 'batch' and was relaxing into PG. I had been so nervous when pregnant with DS.

I was getting weekly scans (paranoid) so found out as early as we could. Ended up opting for an ERPC as I just wanted it out and the whole thing over .

Since then we have had two IVF cycles back to back, as soon as the consultant allowed me to. I have two embryos frozen from each as my lining broke down before we could get to a fresh transfer. I am sure this has not helped emotionally but I feel the only way to heal is to get pregnant again. I am now waiting to bleed after the last cycle to start the pill to go straight into an FET.

I am just finding it all incredibly hard. I am crying at most things. It doesn't help that I 'should' be getting ready to go on mat leave and with my EDD fast approaching (21 March) I had really hoped to be PG again. I am just so devastated by it all.

[mellowdramatic]

I'm so sorry. Sending you lots of good wishes and luck for the next few months x

[mellowdramatic]

That sounded a bit glib sorry - I haven't been through this so can't imagine but I feel for you. Hopefully someone with more helpful experience will be along soon

[vallinnapod]

Mellow it didn't at all. I think I just needed to get it out.

[mellowdramatic]

Sometimes it helps!! Even though I haven't been through what you have I've been through a loss (broken marriage) - not the same but it is still a grieving process and very hard. I have a friend who has waited for a long time for pregnancy through IVF and it happened for her eventually - hope it does for you x

[Forester]

I'm not in a dis-similar (sp?) situation to you. I had two MMC's last year - the second with a due date of 24th March. I had also hoped to be pg by now and have found it harder as the months tick by and the EDD approaches. I have a DD and haven't had IVF but we've been trying for three years for number 2 so obviously fertililty not great.

So I can sympathise with what you are going through - but unfortunately offer no advice.

Hopefully we'll have some luck soon. x

[vallinnapod]

Forester it is really pants. I hope to crop up on an ante-natal thread with you soon.

[MabelMay]

vallinnapod - I am in a similar boat to you and all I can do is send you lots of sympathy and say I totally understand and empathise. I had two MCs last year - the last an MMC discovered at the end of July at what should have been 9/10 weeks.

My EDD was mid-February, so I've really been feeling the loss the last few weeks as it approaches. I remember picturing this time back last summer and imagining how we'd be preparing for DC3.
Also, was convinced I'd be PG by now when first discovered MMC - so to not be feels very brutal.

Fingers crossed for you. I'm sure you'll have that baby - although I know it's going to be harder to feel relaxed about it having had an MC. Allow yourself to feel sad now though - everyone says the EDD of an MC (especially if you're not pregnant again) can be a very tough time.

Best wishes.

[vallinnapod]

Thanks Mabel I hope this time passes quickly for you too.

[PresidentSpreadable]

Hi. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I had a MMC in July, EDD was this Friday. I am feeling pretty rotten, but actually not as dreadful as I had anticipate. The pain isn't as raw and all consuming as it was around Christmas, and really I just want to get past this week now so that I can consign that pregnancy to the past. I'm also finding it hard that I haven't conceived again, especially as it took a couple of years to conceive, and I'm 40 next month, so it seems ever more unlikely that I'll ever be a mother.

I'm going to take Friday off work and do something nice, if I feel like it, or spend the day hiding under the duvet if I don't. It's hard, but you'll get there. Be kind to yourself, and I wish you luck.

[NutcrackerFairy]

I think I know how you feel and am so sorry for your loss.

I had a MMC at 12 weeks in September last year and am 40 yo. I think I got through the MC by imagining that I would be pregnant again by the baby's due date [24 March]. However I am not, period arrived [again] yesterday and I just feel so sad.

My cycles also seem to be a bit all over the place and getting shorter and shorter [this last one was 23 days] and I have read that this can be a sign of perimenopause...

I also had my AMH, which indicates ovarian reserve, tested recently and it was virtually undetectable at 0.9. This means I have bugger all eggs left and may not be ovulating every month.

Anyway, just feeling a bit shit today and realising that I may never replace the baby I lost in September... I think I had sort of imagined it wasn't baby's time to be born then but they would return to me when both they and I were ready. It was a coping mechanism and it worked. But now I am realising that perhaps this baby was never meant to be.

Sorry to be so depressing. I hope you are getting good support from family and friends val and taking it easy

[calistamommy]

I've had my 2nd misscarage 3 wks ago at 5wks 4days. I have a daughter that was conceived on 4th cycle ivf. I can relate to how you're feeling and I feel as though I'm getting worse emotionally and everything reminds me of my loss it seems the world is either pregnant or just had a baby, every tv programme reminds me. if it's hard to take it day by day take it hr by hr or even minute by minute some days it's all I can do to breathe and get through the day. I wish I could do more than send a virtual hug ??
nutcracker fairy you may never replace the lost baby and I understand how that feels so allow yourself time to come to terms with the loss of that dream , we all have coping mechanisms to help us manage and I to thought by the 1st misscarage due date I would hopefully be pregnant but it didn't happen for 5 more yrs. and maybe that baby was not ment to be but another is, I send you a ( hug) and hope you find peace in your heart x