Struggling with miscarriage of one twin

(7 Posts)
Huffpot Sat 01-Feb-14 18:30:15

Hi. I had a late MMC nearly a year ago and am fortunate enough to be 18 weeks pregnant again.
However this pregnancy started as twins and lost one to a MMC at 8 weeks (2nd baby was seen on 12 week scan without a heartbeat)
While I'm delighted to have had one stick I'm also very sad about the twin we lost and don't know what to do for me to remember bub.
I keep being told by everyone (including DP) to focus on the bub we are still pregnant with

Any thoughts appreciated

Artandco Sat 01-Feb-14 18:33:25

Do you have a garden? If so maybe a nice tree ie cherry could be planted in the summer in memory if you wanted

hollyhunter Sat 01-Feb-14 18:34:45

my dd was born through ivf. I was carrying twins and one of them died. i also had 14 embryos that didnt survive the freezing process.

I dont often think of the 14 embryos tbh. i put it in my head that many women may lose that many pregnancies without even knowing about it.

my dd is 10 now so ive had many years to get used to it. i dont mourn the lost twin, but i do count my blessings with my dd. i sometimes think.. i wonder what it would have been like with 2, but im just happy with her

pomdereplay Sat 01-Feb-14 18:38:32

I was pregnant with identical twins and lost one at 8 weeks too. I also suffered three miscarriages prior to getting pregnant with my DD1 (now nearly two). It is a sad, sad thing and I do wonder about the twin girls I should be having-- am now 21 weeks pregnant with the survivor. I take solace in how well she is doing and the fact that her twin died with a bit of 'company' if you know what I mean.

Won't be doing anything to commemorate. Will just remember her and love her sibling an awful, awful lot.

bakingtins Sat 01-Feb-14 19:32:04

It must be very difficult to have such mixed feelings - if you lose a singleton to miscarriage you can be unremittingly miserable about it. I think it would be helpful to do something to honour your lost baby. I have a tree or shrub in my garden for each of mine, I know others have found comfort in a piece of memorial jewellery, a memory box (if you have scan photos etc) writing a letter or poem to the baby. I make a baby related charity donation (e.g. midwifery training or newborn vaccinations etc) on the EDD of my miscarriages. It helps to be able to bring something positive out of a bad experience.

Huffpot Sat 01-Feb-14 19:44:37

Thank you everyone.
I got so upset the other day as it's like the other bub never was.
I'm under a miscarriage specialist from last loss but this little one just feels like its been swept away and forgotten, if that makes sense?
A plant might be nice - could pop it with first bub's rose bushes.
I like the thought that it didn't die alone too
Thank you all

jazzyjenbo Sun 02-Feb-14 14:22:41

I also lost a twin in my first pregnancy but did not know about the loss until my son (now 3) was born. There was evidence of the twin but tbh i didnt dwell on it as I had my son so put all my attention into him.. I do think what it would of been like with twins but like to think that me so has parts of his brother in him as he was re absorbed.
I've just had a mmc and have bought a baby loss braclet to remember both my losses. In the summer, on what would of been my babys due date i will plant a tree to remember then by.
My son happens to b born on baby loss awareness day 15th october so i can now remember the twin and my other baby as part of the birthday celebrations. X

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