advice wanted from people who have had a miscarriage

(21 Posts)
sunshinegirl28 Sat 14-Dec-13 09:13:35

Hi everyone. Found out I am miscarrying yesterday and am devestated. Bleeding has started and is quite heavy but no clots yet.
We are booked to go on our honeymoon on Monday which is a once in a life time trip (New york and caribbean cruise). Just wanted people's advice who have been through miscarriage if you would have been able to continue with this trip while miscarrying? Would really appreciate any replies.

DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry Sat 14-Dec-13 09:18:44

Sorry to hear your sad news, and at a time when you should be so happy.

How far along were you? I mc twice, once at about 6w and once at 10w. I could have gone on holiday during/after the 6w one but absolutely not the 10w one.

Don't underestimate how emotionally vulnerable you will be. That might mean that getting away would help; on the other hand it might spoil everything.

What about insurance/cancellation policies? Can you delay?

DontmindifIdo Sat 14-Dec-13 09:22:33

So sorry for your loss. If you haven't had large clots by Monday, I wouldn't go - I had nearly 2 weeks of bleeding and was very ill, at one stage (week one) I was soaking through a night saintary towel every hour, if you hit that stage on a plane it could be very hard, plus emotionally I was all over the place. (And at the risk of upsetting you more, when I passed the baby in the bathroom, it broke me rather, I wouldn't want to be in that state in a plane toilet.)

Have you been to the hospital? You could see if they'll see you in the emergancy gyne clinic.

Can you check your travel insurance? Most would let you cancel/rebook - it's not going to be a good time for you to travel.

EeyoreIsh Sat 14-Dec-13 09:23:42

Oh gosh, really sorry to hear you've miscarried sad what awful timing.

I think every miscarriage is different, some people have ones that pass quickly and others, like me, have ones that take longer.

I personally would have found it quite hard to travel as I bled heavily (and unpredictably) for several weeks. The pain was awful at times, but that was more limited than the bleeding.

If you are going ahead, take lots of comfortable pants and heavy duty sanitary towels with you. Get some strong painkillers too. And comfy clothing.

DontmindifIdo Sat 14-Dec-13 09:24:35

oh but yes, I mced at 11 weeks, it would be less physically demanding to mc earlier. If you're only in the first few weeks, it should be more like a very heavy period.

PaulaFletch14 Sat 14-Dec-13 09:30:38

I'm so sorry for your loss Sunshinegirl

I've recently lost my baby at almost 8 weeks. No heartbeat last Friday. Started medical management Saturday and ended up two nights in hospital. I only came out Wednesday. Everyone is different and my experience wasn't good, I had to have morphine for pain, lost alot if blood, also baby stuck in neck of womb which meant it had to be physically removed. So I wouldn't go unless I had a scan/advice from hospital.

Also emotionally is SO hard
Lots of love to both you and your DH.

X

sunshinegirl28 Sat 14-Dec-13 09:34:41

Thank you so much for your kind replies. I am meant to be 10 weeks pregnant but the sac only measured 7 weeks and 4 days. I guess from the replies above you wouldn't recommend it sad
Has anyone had the operation and then been able to travel the same day or next day after that?

wonderstuff Sat 14-Dec-13 09:40:43

I had similar dates and had an operation, I was emotionally fragile, I cried every day for the first two or three weeks, but physically I was fine after the op, took a few hours to recover from the GA, then just like a light period, don't remember any pain.

wonderstuff Sat 14-Dec-13 09:41:32

New York is amazing, is there anyway you can postpone?

Armadale Sat 14-Dec-13 09:55:15

Hi sunshinegirl, I'm so sorry about your miscarriage, what really, really awful timing for you sad

I have unfortunately had a few MC's now.

In terms of the pain and discomfort, the big indicator for me has always been the sac measurement- eg I have miscarried at 7 weeks and the sac has dated 7 weeks, this has been a very different experience to miscarrying at 7 weeks when the sac only measured 5 where it is more like a period than a miscarriage....

So if you aremeasuring 7+4, there would be tissue to pass and contractions would be necessary to open the cervix to let it through- my experience is that involves some bleeding, followed by a period of intense contractions for a few hours where I pass the heavy clots, followed by a week or two of bleeding (like a heavy period)....

I would echo what others have said, don't go unless you have got the passing of clots over with- for a couple of reasons:

1. When that happens you would need support, privacy etc- this is NOT something you would want to do in a plane loo, for example

2. In rare(ish) cases, the baby doesn't completely come away, and medical treatment may be necessary to help- it could mean worse bleeding or pain that would need medical treatment.

3. Cost of care- medical care in New York or on a cruise ship can be diabolically expensive, I would doubly and triply check you would be covered fully by insurance for any complication that may arise.

In terms of an EPRC, physically I seem to bounce back very quickly, a bit of pain for an hour or two after the op, some light bleeding for a few days, really by the day after I am fine (physically, emotionally obviously not).

Is there any way you can book an ERPC for Monday and get a flight out on Wednesday, for example? I think for me some time away having tlc with DH would be a really good thing after a MC, so I'd be tempted to still go when the MC was physically behind me.

Hope this isn't too much info, just really feel for you. PM me if I can do anything

sizethree Sat 14-Dec-13 10:43:59

Hi sunshinegirl, I am so so sorry about your loss. It's always a horrible experience to go through, but this timing seems particularly cruel.
Everyone's body handles a miscarriage differently and as you can read from other messages, there is a range of experiences.
I had a MMC at 12 weeks, however the development stopped at 8.4 weeks.
I started bleeding naturally like you and there was a week's wait for an ERPC, so I decided to opt for the medical management at home. Which involved going back to my Early Pregnancy Unit and having some tablets inserted and then heading to the comfort of my own home to miscarry.
The pills speed up the miscarriage process so the sac and a lot of the clots are passed within just a few hours. You are given painkillers to ease this.
The following day I felt tired but not in pain and then I had period-like bleeding for 5 days then light spotting for a week or so.
There was no need for antibiotics (which there is with an ERPC) so I could have a comforting glass(es) of wine!
I went to attending a friend's wedding 3 days later in Cork. (I'm Edinburgh based so I know it's no comparison to a flight to NYC) But personally I felt that I needed the trip to put distance between me and the awful experience of the miscarriage.
A wee other thought is that, you're advised against using tampons after a miscarriage and to only use pads. So may put a dampener on swimming etc in the Caribbean.
I think it would be best to try and postpone the trip for at least a couple of days to give you some breathing space and to ensure that your body passes the sac and you're feeling physically and emotionally well enough to go.
However, you know yourself best, so if you feel ok and you want to go, just do it. It's a time that you'll very much need your DH by your side. x

sunshinegirl28 Sat 14-Dec-13 13:05:17

Wow, people on here are amazing. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It means a lot. I am blessed to have been fitted in for the ERPC today as long as no big emergencies come up so sat waiting in the hospital for it. Fingers crossed I will then be able to go away Monday as even though will still be an emotional wreck, it will be lovely to be away with my husband to have some us time to get through this , you really are all so kind

EeyoreIsh Sat 14-Dec-13 13:20:35

In which case you might be ok to go, but make sure your insurance will cover any complications whilst you're away, and your airline will let you fly.

I hope the op goes ok. thanks

Armadale Sat 14-Dec-13 14:50:59

Brilliant they fitted you in, I hope some quality time with your DH and lots of TLC will help you heal thanks

wonderstuff Sat 14-Dec-13 15:21:18

That's great news. Be kind to yourself and have a great trip.

DoctorDonnaNoble Sat 14-Dec-13 15:31:25

I had my op yesterday. No complications and I have therefore been given no antibiotics - just told what to watch out for with regards infection. My throat's a little sore where I was ventilated during the op. But the worst pain (at the moment) is where they put the line in on my hands. Me and DH are going away but not until a week on Monday. Looking forward to it (Belgium so pate, beer and rare meat!). If everything is normal with your op, you should be fine!

DontmindifIdo Sat 14-Dec-13 15:57:47

I know several woman who had the ERPC on a Friday/over a weekend and were at work the following Monday, so you should be OK to travel, but check with your insurance company/airline, the fact you've had a GA within 48 hours of flying might be more of an issue.

FlatAsSantasSacks Sat 14-Dec-13 16:11:30

I had a ERPC and felt fine physically by the next day. Just take some good pain relief with you.

The hospital sounds fab at getting you in today. Is your holiday compromising of the NY bit first or the carribean? I've just returned from NY and walked loads!

Sorry for your loss thanks

Forester Sat 14-Dec-13 20:47:01

I'm sorry this is happening to you and sorry about the timing.

I've had an ERPC twice and unfortunately while you continue to bleed (on average for 7-10 days but seems to vary a lot) you can't swim or have sex. Not ideal for a honeymoon in the Caribbean.

If I was in your position and was able to get a full refund and be able to rearrange the trip I don't think I would go. (But I'm aware that this will make the MC even harder to bear).

DoctorDonnaNoble Sun 15-Dec-13 15:15:16

I've had very little bleeding since Friday. Hope you're doing ok.

TinyTear Mon 16-Dec-13 11:05:26

with the ERPC saturday, I think you will be ready to travel today...
just take it easy and have lots of cuddles, unfortunately no honeymoon sex

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