Numb

[PaulaFletch14]

Previously posted on 6 dec thread list my baby today. Discharged from hospital yesterday after three days of medical management of miscarriage. Feel shocked and numb. Period type pain I was told. I wish! Started passing massive clots after first lot of tablets Saturday. Long story ended up having two lots of the second stage tablets, massive massive clots, lots of blood loss, morphine and yesterday morning the consultant had to physically remove baby as stuck. Luckily my DP was there when they removed baby. I just feel so numb, empty and traumatised, at home on the sofa under the duvet thinking my world has ended and I'll never.be me again physically or mentally

This is so horrible and all ladies who've been through this loss are just amazing. X

[basgetti]

I'm so sorry that the medical management was so traumatic. I have finally stopped bleeding after spending the last week managing my miscarriage at home. I thought the worst was over but now I've developed an infection. I feel empty too, my stomach has gone soft and flat and I'm back in my jeans. All my symptoms have gone and I need to accept I'm not pregnant anymore. I don't think I can put myself through this again.

I'll be thinking of you Paula and I really hope you start to feel better soon xx

[PaulaFletch14]

Sorry you've got an infection basgetti

Me too my stomach is flat and I feel so different. I miss feeling pregnant. Would have been my 12 week scan tomorrow

Look after your self lots of love and hugs

Paula xx

[Bakingtins]

I'm sorry you are both going through this. I had the same experience as Paula in my first Mc, baby had to be manually removed and until that happened I had horrendous blood loss which left me completely wrung out. I think often it's also only once the physical is over that you get chance to grieve, I've felt quite numb getting through it and the loss hits you some time later.
I'm here to tell you that you won't always feel this bad, that there is life after MC and that I expect you will feel ready to TTC again in the future, but at the moment you need to concentrate on getting well and moving through a process of grieving your loss. It's fine to need some time to shut out the world while you come to terms with it. Be really kind to yourself and to your other half, even if they react differently to you. Try to schedule in some treats that will make you feel a bit better about yourself (haircut, massage etc) and give some thought to doing something to honour and commemorate your baby.
It will not always be so raw and empty.

[PaulaFletch14]

Thanks bakingtins

I want the physical aspect over quickly as I want TTC ASAP as I'm 39 and feel like I not have another chance

I also feel grubby and unattractive after so much blood loss and may sound strange but I don't feel at all feminine. I'm also missing feeling physically close to DP

DP suggested we light a candle on Christmas Day for baby fletch. We called our baby that from the moment we knew I was pregnant. X

[Parsley2506]

Hi Paula, and Basgetti, so sorry to hear you had such an awful time of it. I was given the period type pain line too - never known agony like it!

I think lighting a candle sounds like a lovely idea. I bought a pretty silver heart necklace at a Xmas craft fair when my mum took me out for a break from the pj's and tissues. It's a comforting reminder of our bean now.

Bakingtins is so wise, so there's no point repeating what she's said but I just wanted to corroborate that you WILL feel better. My MMC was diagnosed 15th Nov, passed on 20-22nd Nov.
I have had some extremely dark days but just this last week I've really just started feeling better. Not 'over it' obviously, I doubt that ever happens and it's never far from my thoughts but I've been able to get on with day to day stuff, even enjoying myself in the run up to Xmas and also found (if it's not TMI) dtd with dh for the first time since really kind of healing. No doubt there will be bad days ahead too, but I just wanted to try to reassure you that you won't always feel so bleak.

While you do however, please keep chatting here if you find it helps