MMC 2nd tri what to tell dd? Any advice

(6 Posts)
Only1scoop Wed 11-Dec-13 08:12:38

Recently found on scan (17 wks) that baby died around 14-15wks. At 40 am really blessed to have dd 3.5 and we have waited ages (til 14 wks) to tell anyone about pregnancy. Dd was over the moon straight away, she has given the baby a name and talks to my tummy all the
time, cuddling and kissing my bump. I feel like we have only just told her and want advice on how to tackle telling her news.
Have read guidelines and some valuable info which advises to not always use words such as 'sleeping' 'angels' etc as they can associate these words and become confused (even at this age). It says its good to use words such as 'died' etc but am also concerned about this as she is so young (although incredibly switched on).
We go in for MMC tmrw and I feel we need to tell her. Any advice at all please....

Armadale Wed 11-Dec-13 08:23:47

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a 20 week scan that revealed a 2nd tri MMC, the shock is unbelievable.

We had also told people at 14 weeks too, so found it doubly difficult untelling people.

I'd work out how you see the loss, and use that as a guide to telling your DD as it is a very personal thing in each family.

DH and I named our baby and see it as our child, any children we have in future will know that baby by name and that it was their sibling, whereas one of my friends with a second tri MC believed that her pregnancy was just not meant to be, was not a baby and didn't name or think of it as a sibling for her older children, so completely different to me.

I don't think either of us are wrong, we just did what is right for us.

Look after yourself, its a dreadful thing to go through thanks

BobbyGentry Wed 11-Dec-13 08:36:17

I am so sorry for your loss. I find the saying, “A tiny flower lent not given to bud on earth and bloom in heaven” helped me explain to my son. Time will heal but it the mean time take care and look after one and all.

Huffpot Wed 11-Dec-13 13:09:39

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I lost a baby at 18 weeks in March who also passed at 14 weeks.
My 2 DS' s were so excited and had also named bump. I told them that baby was sick and had been called to Heaven to watch over them and to be with grandad. They were more upset with me crying but amazingly understanding for their ages (3 & 4). They still talk about the baby and often tell me she's growing into a big girl and waiting for them in Heaven.
They were amazing
hugs

eggybrokenoff Wed 11-Dec-13 13:13:28

oh scoop I was thinking of you and how you had just told your dd and wondering how you were.

so devastating for you. I have no advice really but you know her best - whatever you choose will be right im sure. I hope you are at least physically feeling better

Only1scoop Thu 12-Dec-13 20:05:08

Ladies thank you so much for all your kind words and suggestions we have found them really helpful.
Eggy bless you....I know, I waited so long to tell everyone about my good news and now having to share our awful news....was convinced I was still fine as HG still awful still have all symtoms, still sick.
Thanks for thinking of me and wish you all the best. Take care x

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