Lost my baby today

(55 Posts)
PaulaFletch14 Fri 06-Dec-13 14:42:18

This was my first pregnancy, I'm 39 and it took a year to conceive. Me and my partner were so happy. Last week I had a scan and we saw baby's heartbeat. It was amazing. Today I had a scan and no heartbeat. I can't stop crying and we're heartbroken. Hospital tomorrow for medical management.

I'm funding it difficult as my partner has two daughters from his first marriage. I feel resentful that he has kids with someone else. Is this normal or am I a cow?

Feel alone, even though partner very supportive.

PaulaFletch14 Fri 03-Jan-14 18:00:50

Hi mouldypineapple
Thanks for your posts
I'm having some counselling through Occ health at work as I haven't been offered any during miscarriage

My DP is amazing and incredibly supportive. I couldn't get through without him

Best wishes x

PaulaFletch14 Fri 03-Jan-14 17:58:23

Thanks for for the link Parsley. It is horrible isn't it. Thank you for the link as I will continue to post as now I know physically I'm ok will TTC soon.

Your experience in EPU sounds similar to what happened to me and my DP when we left the hospital after my miscarriage we walked out the door facing heavily pregnant woman smoking. I felt like screaming at her.
Hope we all have healthy pregnancies next time x

morethanpotatoprints Thu 02-Jan-14 21:02:13

Sorry to hear your sad news, you aren't a cow my love.
Be kind to yourself, it was nobodies fault. thanks

Mouldypineapple Thu 02-Jan-14 21:00:29

Also wanted to say when we started ttc after the mc I was really nervous and although luckily did get pregnant quite easily then did feel a lot more anxious throughout that pregnancy, particularly early on but to some degree all the way through. I think counselling is a great idea, I was lucky to find a good counsellor through my GP, sometimes you may need to speak to more than one to find someone you can feel at ease with.
Good luck, fingers crossed for you.

Mouldypineapple Thu 02-Jan-14 20:56:02

Sorry to hear you had hard day but really it's still early days in your recovery. Only you will know when it's the right time to try ttc again, go easy on yourself.
I had a mc about 5 years ago. Had wanted another child for many years although luckily fell pregnant quickly once the rest of my life got in shape! (have an 18 year age gap between my girls) Was absolutely devastated to lose the baby, took it really hard. However with the help of supportive dh and some counselling slowly got there. Once I was back to work so many people told me they had had mc too, never would have known otherwise which in a weird way is good to know many more people understand.
I got pregnant nearly 3 months after mc and luckily now have DD who is 4.
Recently I had to have a medical procedure in the same hospital where I had my mc and I really struggled to walk past the (now closed) A+E where i went on the day without bursting into tears so you feeling like that after only a few weeks is quite normal.

Armadale Thu 02-Jan-14 20:31:01

Hi Paula,, Glad physically you are OK... I know what you mean about walking in bringing back memories. It is very tough.

Have they suggested counselling to you? I now wish I'd had some sooner than I did, although I know it is not for everyone.

If you are in London or SE you can get free of charge counselling for pregnancy loss at City Pregnancy if that is any help to you x

Parsley, that scan experience sounds just dreadful, so sorry you had to go through that

Parsley2506 Thu 02-Jan-14 20:29:04
Parsley2506 Thu 02-Jan-14 20:25:29

Ahh Paula, it really is the pits isn't it? I still don't know how I kept it together when I went back for my scan. It did NOT help that the sonographer didn't seem to be expecting me to confirm I'd had a miscarriage during the gap between scans, or all the pregnant women gassing about their water birth plans etc. The worst bit of all was some awful bint outside the unit chain smoking away with her massive belly for all to see, made me so angry!

I still have days that take me right back to the raw nerve, but they do get easier to deal with. When you're ready, why don't you come over to the TTC after MC thread on the conception board (title starts New Year, New Thread or something along those lines). Lots of caring and empathetic ladies on there to give you support as you move on to the next phase.

thanks

PaulaFletch14 Thu 02-Jan-14 16:51:48

Back to the EPU today to scan to check everything ok. Physically I'm all good. But walking into that place bought everything back struggled not to burst into tears. Not helped that pregnant women and kids everywhere.

Feel like I've taken two steps back

PaulaFletch14 Wed 25-Dec-13 00:37:12

Thanks bleary eyed

Feeling abit better still have some bleeding

Hope to TTC soon. Back to hospital on 2 jan. I hope this time next year I have a bump

Hope you have a good Christmas

Paula xx

BlearyeyedLol Tue 24-Dec-13 20:19:59

Hi Paula. Hope you're feeling better now. I too had a mc last year and was told by a gp I would have trouble conceiving again as I was already 38. I did get pregnant again in 3 months and am currently fighting to get her to napgrin
Don't lose hope and don't feel ashamed of how you feel. Have a lovely Xmas!

Waitingforflo Wed 18-Dec-13 15:20:51

Good luck Paula - might be worth asking about extra strength folic acid too for the next few months (5mg), and maybe even looking into herbal treatments when you feel a bit stronger. I had one mmc that really threw me out of whack for a while, but a herbalist worked miracles.

PaulaFletch14 Wed 18-Dec-13 10:19:00

Thank you baking tins, waiting for flo, and finlaybug1

Feeling abit more optimistic today bleeding very light now and I finish my two courses of antibiotics and iron tablets today. Me and DP are supporting each other through this.

Just waiting for hospital appointment then physically I'll feel more like the old me. At the moment I hate my body for letting me down, can't even look at downstairs since this has happened. Weird???
The biggest thing is Christmas glad home it's over

All ladies on here have been amazing thank you so much. I would have been lost without you as I've got more info off here than I have from hospital

Waitingforflo Tue 17-Dec-13 16:50:02

Sorry for your loss Paula - I've had quite a lot of miscarriages, although none too late (all around 12 weeks). From a practical perspective, I always find that it's my second period after a missed mc which is the tricky one. I won't go into too much detail but I do wonder whether that is when my body really clears itself. Of course, that might just be me - they'll probably offer you a scan about a week after the mc just to check things out, so that will give you a bit of an idea, but I do agree that your cycle sometimes does need to reset.

finlaybug1 Tue 17-Dec-13 16:39:46

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I hope I can offer some hope my husband and I had 2 miscarriages and 2 stillbirths before having our son. Please don't give up at 39 it is still very possible. Since having my son I have had another 2 miscarriages but I am still hopeful. I believe we can do it, it is and has been very difficult at times but I keep remembering the goal and keep going! Good luck x

Bakingtins Tue 17-Dec-13 10:37:31

paula glad to hear your DP is being supportive. Don't feel second best to his ex, if that was true he'd be with her now, not you. Men often react quite differently, and I think much of it is them trying to be the strong one, when actually it would be more help if they admitted they were grieving too.
You don't need to be positive, strong or anything else you are not actually feeling. You'll recover quicker if you acknowledge the emotions as they arise, if you suppress them they will bite you on the bum sometime later.
Someone mentioned up thread about allowing an AF before TTC again. I haven't seen any proper evidence to say it might affect your chances but I have seen a lot of people have 2 consecutive losses without an AF in between, and a lot of women posting that first AF is not normal (either light or very heavy and clotty) which suggests that womb lining is not up to much immediately post MC. Personally I've never used contraception but have not 'tried' that first cycle either, and I don't think I ovulate until 2nd cycle anyway. There are also women who get pregnant straightaway and are fine, but I think there is something to be said for letting your cycle reset itself and taking a little time to recover. There does seem to be good evidence that you are more fertile for several months after a MC, so hope that proves to be the case for you.

deste Mon 16-Dec-13 22:19:33

This time next year you'll be a mum.

PaulaFletch14 Mon 16-Dec-13 21:57:12

That's encouraging deste I'm hoping at 39 I still have a few years to be a mum

It's all I've ever wanted

deste Mon 16-Dec-13 21:30:37

Thanks Paula but it was 37 years ago and tears still come when I think about it. That's why there is no point in trying to forget because you never do. My SIL had a still birth and that was awful. On another note my niece who is 40 has had two miscarriages and is now pregnant again.

PaulaFletch14 Sun 15-Dec-13 15:35:26

Thanks deste sorry about your loss
I'll never forget about our little one. DP has been so supportive and this forum helps. My sister in law to be has been amazing she has had multiple MC and a still birth so understands how we're feeling

I've stopped bleeding now and hoping once I finish my antibiotics next week we can start trying again

deste Sun 15-Dec-13 13:44:39

I know how you feel, it's awful isn't it but calm down. The fact you got pregnant is a sign that everything is working. I tried for seven years, got pregnant and had a miscarriage. I was devastated but I was pregnant within six weeks. Don't try to forget this pregnancy because you never will but you will learn to live with it.

PaulaFletch14 Tue 10-Dec-13 05:20:44

Thank you Muma4. Sorry for your losses and congrats on pregnancy grin

I know I still have time at 39, but scared it'll never happen for us. My DP must find comfort in the fact he already has kids. I'm scared I'll be childless and he'll have a bond with his ex/wife we'll never share. Surely that must mean I'm second best and as mother of his kids more important than I am

Hate feeling so irrational when DP is so amazing but scared and emotional

Thank you so much for your reassurance. I'm trying to be positive and strong but keep wobbling

Love Paula xxx

Muma4 Tue 10-Dec-13 05:06:02

Hi I'm just reading your sad news I lost last year but I'm 4 weeks now and I'm 41 shhhhh
I have 2 children from my first marriage and was desperate after my new hubby had reversal do e after 30 yrs so we had 5% chance we had are little one last 2 yrs ago and have had 3 losses so I'm with you as many others are don't give up my hubby's 50 next year and is amazing dad
I had a bit of a bleed this evening that's why I'm awake just feel like it's happening again we didn't plan this one but really want this to be
I hope your ok and wish u luck x

PaulaFletch14 Tue 10-Dec-13 04:43:18

Thanks Parsley

I'm not doing great as I write I'm in hospital bed just gone 4.30am. I've took second dose of stage two tablets and it's still not over. Sorry if TMI jut passed huge clots which have freaked me out but not sac. I'm so frightened. So much blood

My DP has been amazing and I feel so lucky to have him. We've chatted about how I feel and he is trying to understand. I didn't appreciate how devastated he is

I just want the physical side over with

Xxx

Parsley2506 Mon 09-Dec-13 22:12:26

Hi Paula, how did today go? I hope you're ok. Have you thought about letting DP read this thread? Might go a little way towards sharing the burden. It's so hard to get the right words out when you're feeling so torn up, maybe seeing them written down in a way that more concisely shows the turmoil you're (understandably) in would help, even if just a little bit.
Thinking of you!

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