Stuck in a living hell

(19 Posts)
Sammc1878 Thu 21-Nov-13 11:18:40

I'm currently meant to be approx 8 weeks preg. I've been under the early pregnancy unit since the beginning and was initially hospitalised due to potential ectopic pregnancy
A scan a three weeks ago showed yolk ask in right place and last week they expected to see a heartbeat (approx 7 weeks) but they didn't so told me to expect not good news and they would scan in a week
So today had scan baby was there with no heartbeat and they said baby too small for dates - no growth in sac at all but baby had grown 1.2 mm she said health pregnancy grows 1mm per day
Put in private room to wait for consultant to take decision - nurse came back in and said consultant wants to scan me in one week time because of the growth and due to their protocols but it doesn't look good
I feel like I'm being tortured ... I've had now 1 ectopic pregnancy in in 2008 and mmc found at 12 week scan
Why are they making me wait?
Why has baby grown but no heart beat?
I just feel like there is a potential baby will be ok next week but husband says not and hospital are just covering themselves
Has anybody had similar experience?

squizita Thu 21-Nov-13 12:45:57

So sorry to hear this. They HAVE to make you wait because the alternative (and I believe this has happened in the USA) is the very, very slight risk that a slow-growing but OK baby, or someone's date mistake, leads to an accidental abortion. It's enormously horrid when you're in the middle of it: but without it, women also feel tortured for the opposite reason (some go their whole lives with guilt).

As this is your 3rd loss, I would also strongly advise you to ask the consultant to refer you to a recurrent miscarriage clinic. Mine did, and I now have a diagnosis which means my odds of success have more than doubled. Best of luck.

katatonic Thu 21-Nov-13 13:05:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sammc1878 Thu 21-Nov-13 13:31:16

Squizita - thanks for reply - because first loss was an ectopic pregnancy it's not counted so if this preg is a miscarriage then they are only counting 2 to be honest I'm 41 and I'm been through so much now and I won't do IVF as its not suitable for me due to FH of breast cancer that think I don't want to try again sad
Katatonic - thank you too for reply I guess I'm very confused as last week they said they would make a decision this week but due to protocol - it's another week later again -I suffer with anxiety and I coped ok this week by tying to stay positive that baby would be ok but I am slowly losing hope now after today x

katatonic Thu 21-Nov-13 13:34:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DitsyDonkey Thu 21-Nov-13 16:44:59

I'm very sorry that you are going through this hell. As someone who is just after going through something similar I second what katatonic has said prepare for the worst, but hope for the best!

I miscarried Tuesday night after being told I would have to wait for a week to see if baby was growing. It is horrible. I think the worry and uncertainty was the worst part, oddly once the miscarriage got under way I just went into coping mode.

I hope you have a positive outcome. Best of luck x

Sammc1878 Thu 21-Nov-13 18:26:39

Thanks Ditsy I've been following your thread and I'm sorry for your loss xxx

Bakingtins Thu 21-Nov-13 19:27:31

Being left in limbo is just awful sad I had v similar for several weeks with my most recent MC, no HB at 7+ weeks and measuring behind, even though there was no doubt about dates. Baby did then develop a very weak HB despite v poor growth falling further and further behind my dates, but protocol is even though nobody was giving me any hope they won't ERPC with a HB present ( though as I pointed out if I didn't want the baby they'd have happily performed a termination) and I eventually miscarried 2 very long weeks later.
I can understand the protocol that says for a foetus that is around the six week size with no HB they are reluctant to do anything, I'm sure in many cases dates can be inaccurate. The mental torture that is waiting doesn't seem to figure in anybody's calculations. I agree with ditzy that knowing it is all over is actually easier to cope with than uncertainty.
You do hear the occasional story where someone has been told it doesn't look good and then at a subsequent scan it's all fine, but I think being realistic the other outcome is more likely. If you are preparing yourself for the worst, perhaps we can do the hoping for the best on your behalf?
Here if you need us, to hand hold whilst you wait, cheer for a happy outcome or mourn a sad one with you.

Sammc1878 Thu 21-Nov-13 21:44:27

Thank you so much Bakingtins xx

TreaterAnita Thu 21-Nov-13 22:46:54

I'm so sorry to hear your news Samm, I have been left in that limbo situation too, though later in pregnancy, and it is just unbearable. I am really hoping for you that you might be one of the lucky ones.

I know that you're not able to have normal IVF due to family history, but there are a couple of other options, natural IVF where they just remove the egg at ovulation, or I think there is programme, in Oxford from memory, where they take the immature follicles and grow them outside the uterus, it's called something like 'gentle IVF' I think, we looked into it when I wasn't responding to the drugs in a normal IVF cycle. Whether that would help in your case is obviously another question, but I wonder whether you could ask for a referral for multiple miscarriages because of your age, even though you're only counted as having had 2 if this pregnancy doesn't succeed.

I hope I'm not overstepping the mark by suggesting that, and I can understand that you might feel that you don't want to go through any more, but I did find it helpful, when I was sort of in your shoes, to try to focus on what I might do if things didn't work out.

Tomkat79 Thu 21-Nov-13 23:17:00

samm didn't want to read and run. Sending you lots of love at this difficult time, it's so hard xx

hazchem Fri 22-Nov-13 01:28:28

I'm in Australia so protocol are different but could you ask your GP to do a Beta HCG series? So one blood test followed by another 48 hours later.
This is how they confirmed that I had a miscarriage here. took the blood and did a scan and then 2 days later had another blood test. As the levels were dropping it meant the baby wasn't alive anymore.

I agree the waiting is horrible. I hope you have someone holding your hand.

SugarMiceInTheRain Fri 22-Nov-13 01:34:41

Sympathy here too. I've been in that limbo. In my case, during my 2nd MC - I started bleeding, then had a scan showing a heartbeat but dating the pregnancy as about 2 weeks earlier than it ought to have been, but carried on bleeding and was told the following week after another scan that I'd MCd. It was easier to cope with my other 2 straightforward miscarriages because I wasn't left hanging on and hoping. Sending you some un-MNetty hugs.

lifesgreatquestions Fri 22-Nov-13 11:11:34

Sammc, I just wanted to offer my sympathy too and to add that with my last mmc I was also told to wait. I put my foot down, told them I understood they had procedures but that I knew my dates were correct (we hadn't had sex since so I was able to be absolutely sure within a few days of conception). Perhaps having had previous mcs helped them to trust me and that I knew what I was doing, but my becoming a little more demanding moved things along and they didn't make me wait. I remained polite by the way, calm and quiet, but firm about it being unacceptable and just said no to the further wait. They got the consultant to come and speak to me, in less than a minute he was on my side and made things happen. I hope this time passes quickly for you.

Sammc1878 Fri 22-Nov-13 12:52:44

Thanks to everyone who has given me
Advice I'm so sorry and sad to hear of all your losses too.

Treater I don't think your stepping mark at all thank you I had not
Even heard of that IVF

Lifegreatquestions - I was one step away from asking to speak to the consultant myself directly yesterday - they baby had grown less
Less than 1 mm in a week (2.5cm to 3.2) and I had
Been promised the week before a decision would be made this week. I too am 100% sure about dates as I felt pain in my breasts whilst out
Jogging the week after conception that I only get in pregnancy -
Today I've noticed my nausea and other symptoms tapering
Off and I felt like this from Tuesday too.
I am of course still having that tiny smaller glimmer of
Hope that next week the baby will have had a growth spurt and he/she was just talking their own time to grow but I doubt
It somehow
It's very sad and so very cruel to have to be put
Through this x
For all of us not just me x

lifesgreatquestions Fri 22-Nov-13 14:00:35

It's a sorry thing to have to go through. I hope you do get tat growth spurt next week.

duvetheaven Fri 22-Nov-13 18:57:41

I had similar experience in 2007 - I had already had one MC, then fell pregnant. I had an early scan at about 7 weeks and could not locate the heartbeat. They told me to come back the following week. As I had already had one MC was so confident that the next pregnancy would be fine so unfort I had a big shock when I went back and told me that the pregnancy was not viable. So I can really relate to the hope you feel.
My third preg worked out : ) . Take care xx

Sammc1878 Tue 26-Nov-13 13:28:37

I'm currently finding all this very hard to get my head round - I've come into work as normal today and will do tomorrow but I'm feeling really angry and very upset at everything - it's very hard to focus
I spent most of the night with the most awful cramps and my tummy feels bloated I'm confused and really don't know how I'm going to cope
I feel like everyone else around me is just getting on with things and moving on with life whereas I am just permanently wondering if my baby is alive or not
Sorry for ranting but I felt I just needed to get this all out before I go mad

Katiejon Wed 27-Nov-13 08:53:48

I found the miscarriage association were wonderful.
I felt so empty afterwards and talked to them every day for a few weeks.

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