Miscarried today :(

(40 Posts)
junebaby2014 Mon 11-Nov-13 18:37:55

Hi there took me some time to find this thread....

Ok so heres my story sad i'm crying as i write this because i am so confused in my own little body.

Yesterday i had a slight pinky orangy discharge when i wiped myself, this morning it was more red so called hospital. I would be around 10 weeks now.
Hospital advised me to go in straight away for scan and check up.

Had scan pretty much right away, had to empty my bladder as was too full, baby was there but no heart beat.. She said i was measuring just over 7 weeks!

The bleeding has stopped and has done since 7:30 this morning, my pads are clean and dry. The sonographer did get a second opinion for my little jelly beans heartbeat and was confirmed baby wasnt alive.

Does anyone know when the baby will pass? Bleeding will start again?

I heave heard a lot of stories of false miscarriages and baby was smaller and less weeks than expected and heart hadnt formed, can this happen?

Obviously i'm not going to get my hopes up but my body is rejecting this information today. All i have done is cry, my partner is so upset as well.

Any advise? ��

cogitosum Mon 11-Nov-13 18:41:22

I'm really sorry.

Sometimes finding out can cause it to pass naturally. If you've already had some bleeding that seems likely.

Did they mention options of medical management or surgery? I had an erpc after a missed miscarriage which is basically when they remove everything. This helped me as it was over quickly.

Take care x

cogitosum Mon 11-Nov-13 18:42:26

And sorry but I don't think that's likely at this stage but don't know anything about that x

junebaby2014 Mon 11-Nov-13 18:44:51

Yeah, i mean iv had no pain, small bits of blood this morning but now completely gone.

I have been given options,
But naturally letting baby pass seems better for me that way i know my body has rejected it and no chemical or tablet or surgery has taken my baby jelly bean away ��

I feel like i'm in a dream!! ��

Luckystar1 Mon 11-Nov-13 18:56:10

Hello June. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I too had a mmc at 10 weeks. I had medical management (tablets 48 hours apart) to help the sac pass.

I hope you and your dp have lots of RL support. I found it very therapeutic to talk about it.

As to practicalities, get yourself some maternity pads, not strictly necessary but I preferred their thickness. Don't use tampons, and stock up on paracetamol (I was told not to use ibuprofen). I also found a hot water bottle essential.

And if it helps at all, the actual passing of the sac doesn't hurt. I was irrationally worried about that.

Sorry if the above sounds militant, I just found 'organising' helped me cope.

As to you, look after yourself and keep an eye on dp, they can tend to bottle things up!

And finally, allow yourself to grieve properly. It is ok to feel like you're losing it... I did. Take shelter here whenever you need, sadly many of us have walked this awful road.

Thinking of you and your dp, and I am so, so, so sorry for your loss and the pain you feel. Xx

Forester Mon 11-Nov-13 19:18:48

I'm very sorry for you both - it's a horrible time and by 10 weeks you've had lots of opportunity to think about what having a baby will mean - and now you're needing to reverse all of that. It's tough.

I don't have any practical advice as I went with ERPC each time I had a MMC but hopefully it won't take too long.

Take care of yourself. flowers

junebaby2014 Mon 11-Nov-13 19:24:54

Luckystar you're words have touched my heart! Thank you so much for your kindness! You made me cry more i suppose crying is a good thing getting this all out.

dp is sound asleep been a draining day for us both.

This lump in my throat/chest/heart is killing me ��

cathpip Mon 11-Nov-13 19:34:58

I miscarried naturally in May at 7+2, it started with mild bleeding, brown turning red. Went and had a scan to be told sorry no baby, I had little info on what it would be like. Mine started as light bleeding that got heavier like a period and 48 hrs after starting bleeding the cramping got very bad (paracetemol and a hot water bottle helped) and the bleeding got extremely heavy with clots, think sitting on the loo and weeing blood. 10 hrs later I passed the sack, it was about the size of a satsuma and after that the bleeding virtually stopped and 2 days later I had stopped bleeding completely, the whole process took about a week, a scan confirmed that my body had expelled everything naturally. My periods returned a month later. Am sorry if this was too much info but I ended up on the phone to my friend in the middle of the night as I was terrified about the amount of blood I was losing, am so sorry for your loss, rest up and take care of yourself. Xx

Luckystar1 Mon 11-Nov-13 20:01:45

Crying is never bad in these circumstances. The strength of my emotional pain was overwhelming and still is sometimes . That is ok. It's Ok to feel angry and guilty and bitter too. But however weak you feel now, and however weak you may feel in a month, just know, you ARE strong and you will get through this and that's all you can ask for.

But for now, just take each little step at a time. Thinking of you. X

DownstairsMixUp Mon 11-Nov-13 20:03:45

I think you have been given some really good advice. I recently m/c but chose to have surgery as the way I was, it wasn't looking likely for me to do it naturally. Be kind to yourself and cry whenever you need to. Thinking of you. X

junebaby2014 Mon 11-Nov-13 20:46:03

I appreciate everyones kind kind words thank you so much! Some of them have made me cry, so so nice of you all to be here for me!

Decision needs to be made.
I think the tablet form may be best for me pass this quicker for us so we can grieve and move on and hopefully try again ��

thank you all again, means so much! ��

Bakingtins Mon 11-Nov-13 22:09:21

june I'm so sorry you've had this devastating news. It's not surprising it is hard to take it in at the moment. Sometimes in the very early stages of pregnancy there is confusion about dates and then a week later all looks more positive, but a baby measuring more than 6 weeks should definitely have a heartbeat, so it is more straightforward once you get to that stage for the sonographer to be certain that the pregnancy is not progressing.
I agree with whoever said that sometimes knowing and accepting that the baby has died allows your body to begin the process of miscarrying, but if waiting does not feel like the right choice for you then you have the medical and surgical options available. The Miscarriage Association has really helpful info about your choices. It may also help you to read the experiences and tips of others on this thread
You will get through this. You're allowed to cry, be angry, rant about the unfairness of it all, hide away from the world for a while... whatever helps you to cope. You'll also probably find some comfort in acknowledging and commemorating the loss in more positive ways. However you feel, you're not alone, there are many of us who have been through something similar and are here to listen.

soVsad Tue 12-Nov-13 03:37:55

Hi dearest June,
I was 9 weeks and 3 days and yesterday after a few days of brown spotting and some pinkish blood went to have a scan. I had called my GP who said based on my symptoms (only spotting no pain) this was v normal and probably all was fine but good to have a scan to allay our fears. i had also read the dozens and dozens of websites and posts of women that have had spotting and had a gorgeous healthy baby...
So in the scan when the silence came and then the words "it doesn't look good" came out I was in total disbelief and really wondered if maybe the machine was broken-machines can break right? They also did an internal to confirm that there was no heartbeat. The really cruel thing is that bubba was measured to be around 6weeks and 3 days when they stopped growing. We had our first dating scan at 6weeks and saw and heard that little heartbeat-i hadn't really dated to believe I was finally pregnant until then. And so their little heart was alive and beating for us and the scan and then must have stopped within a day or so afterwards. This feels like such a cruel cruel blow to an already sad and tragic loss. I have had tender breasts and nausea for the past 3 weeks thinking all was well but clearly my own body didn't know this little one had stopped growing.
I'm so very devastated, angry, upset and utterly crushed as it took us two years to conceive-I really thought our painful road was over when we got pregnant....
This thread and the love from the other women on here has really helped me through today, us women are such loving creatures that even on an impersonal website you can feel the love and care through the words.

Sending you lots of love and empathy and sadness
N
Xxx

Hessy Tue 12-Nov-13 03:46:00

Junebaby and soVsad I don't have any more advice than what's already been given. But sending love and hugs. I am so sorry for the loss of your babies. I had a mmc at twelve weeks last month and also found great support on this forum. Be very kind to yourselves. X

Luckystar1 Tue 12-Nov-13 07:24:10

sovsad. I could've written your post 2 months ago. I had the same. No bleeding though, I had just happened to book 2 private scans 2 weeks apart. All good with a little hb in the first, the second, almost exactly as you describe. I am so, so,so sorry for what you are going through. You will see in a post above I discussed practicalities, you might find that useful.

Nothing can take away the shock and pain you are currently feeling. You will have a lot of people (not on here) tell you daft things by way of platitudes, try, if you can to let it wash over you... They know not what they say.

For both you and June, I can only express my deep sadness for both of you and your partners, I am here if you need anyone to moan/rant/talk to.

I hope you both managed to sleep. Take time and be nice to yourselves. Surround yourselves with supportive people, and just try and get through every day at a time for the time being. Xx

soVsad Tue 12-Nov-13 08:39:17

Thank you so much for your kind words Hessy and Luckystar thank you so very much for sharing what happened to you, although it's devastating and so sad it feels a little less awful knowing that other women have experienced this and especially in such a 'undramatic' way.
And thanks for your word on platitudes-I was blown away that the first thing my GP said in a bright and breezy tone was "So, not the best news!" I was so stunned...not the best news???wtf, try the worst news in the world plus a kick in the face from your cheery little tone...I'm really torn whether to tell my family as their sensitivity is often not the best and we had been waiting to share the exciting news with them in a few weeks when we had reached the 12week stage. A part of me wants to tell my sisters and mum and then another part of me wants to hide away and avoid...so very grateful I can rant a bit here and know I'm understood.

I've now booked in to the hospital early pregnancy clinic tomorrow to work out the next stage-ideally would like to let it all pass through by itself but given this little one's hb has stopped over three weeks ago I might need to do something proactive-I really don't want to do the medical d&c. You mentioned had medical management-do you know what the name of the pill was? And do you mind me asking you (or anyone else that has miscarried around 6weeks) if you actually saw your little one when you passed the sac? My scan report says there was no observed sac but a foetus still there. I would like to be able to honour this little one's existence in some way but not sure how practical it is to expect that I will see them/recognise it is them and not a blood clot given it's approximately a blueberry size.

Also how long do you wait until trying again? I'm not at all there yet but curious to hear as there seems to be a few different thoughts that vary between trying straight away again or waiting a month-3 months.

thanks so much for your loving support x

Luckystar1 Tue 12-Nov-13 09:44:54

It's totally up to you as to who to tel. I'm very glad I told people as it helps them be more sensitive around you. Tbh I got 'help' for about 2 weeks (on the phone as I live in a different country to my family), but my mum had 2 easy pregnancies and has not been great since, but I'm glad she knows, I've found it helps against the silent hatred that builds up!!

Hmm I don't know what the tablets were called, something beginning with m. They give you them orally one day and 48 hours later, they insert some more vaginally. I preferred being in hospital, as I wanted the assurance that everything had passed. The passing of the actual sac didn't hurt. I knew what it was when it happened. I did look briefly (in hospital every toilet visit is into a cardboard commode...!) and you can't see anything, so don't worry. My sac had continued to grow, so mine was quite big, I reckon kidney size, maybe slightly smaller.

The day of the actual miscarriage wasn't pleasant, but I had bowel issues, and a retroverted uterus, so the pain was worse for me than usual. If I can get through it, I promise you can!

Bakingtins Tue 12-Nov-13 10:10:15

soV sad I'm sorry you are also in this situation. Your GP is an insensitive arse, please do write to complain when you feel up to it. The words that people use at such a traumatic time can either be a massive comfort or a massive hindrance, they need to learn to watch their mouths!
The tablets are called misoprostol. I had two lots of tablets inserted as a vaginal pessary 24 hrs apart, but I was already bleeding with an open cervix (incomplete MC) if you are not yet miscarrying they normally start with an oral tablet to soften the cervix. I have had 4 MC at the 8-10 week stage and only once recognised the sac, and only because I was trying to catch it for testing. You can do something to honour your LO even if you don't recognise the sac or foetus.
The standard advice is to wait for one period before trying again as this makes a future pregnancy easier to date. I don't think this is a particularly strong reason to wait if you feel ready straight away, given that dating scans are pretty accurate. I think whenever you feel emotionally ready is the right time.

Heatherbell1978 Tue 12-Nov-13 15:25:56

junebaby2014 I'm at home going through a miscarriage right now:-( Bleeding started Sunday afternoon and managed to get a scan at the EPU yesterday. They wanted me to wait 48 hours but I was meant to be travelling to London for work and didn't want to miscarry in a Premier Inn alone....so my 6+3 wk old stopped forming at 4 wks apparently. My hubbie and I are both 35 (me nearly 36) so were delighted at getting pregnant so quickly after starting to try just a couple of months ago. I'm gutted and just a bit numb to be honest. I guess we only had 2 weeks of knowing we were pregnant but in that time we'd planned and talked about it so much so it's hard to just go back to normal. We're keen to start trying again as soon as we can and just keeping our fingers crossed that this has just been one of those horrible random things that you hear about but always hope never happens to you xx

boldlittlebird Tue 12-Nov-13 17:35:54

junebaby, my heart goes out to you. I went through something very similar a month ago. We'd had an early scan and the baby was there, with heartbeat, at 7 weeks. Then I had a little bleed (not much, just pinkish-brown) at 10 weeks and went to my GP who referred me for checkup scan. Scan showed development had stopped at 8 weeks, and there was no heartbeat.

Here's what happened next, hope it's useful for you:

The bleeding had stopped, as yours has - I wasn't sure what route to take, and was stunned by the whole experience. I went home to think it over, then hey presto the next day started to bleed bright red. I do wonder if knowing I was going to miscarry triggered the start of the process. Because it seemed to be starting on its own I opted to just leave it, and let it expel naturally.

There was about three days of thin, steady bright red blood and then on day 4 it was like somebody turned a tap on - went through a maxi night pad in an hour, easy. I ended up being driven to A and E by my DH because I had a lot of pain (please don't be scared by this, it's not common to everyone as you can see from above posts) - the hospital staff were absolutely lovely and gave me heavy-duty painkillers which completely sorted it out. They also gave me misoprostol to speed up the process. It took a few days for everything to pass. I didn't spot anything recognisable. Afterwards I bled at an 'average' to light level for about a week. I've just had my first normal period, just over a month after the MC.

If you're going to wait it out naturally I would say:

-Make sure you're somewhere safe and secure. I went to work, having no idea what to expect and feeling I couldn't take time off - in retrospect I should have stayed at home once I started bleeding! Take all the time you need.

-Stock up on maxi pads and painkillers (though the early stages of mine was just like period pain, and it may be no more than that.)

-Have someone with you for reassurance, or at least easily contactable who can drive you to hospital if you feel you need it.

-Don't hesitate to go to hospital if you feel you need it: if the bleeding is very heavy, or it's very painful.

The advantage of a D&C is that it's all over when you choose it, with a minimum of mess. I really don't know which I'd choose if it happened again.

I've just re-read that and it sounds a bit brutally practical (and possibly TMI)- but I hope it helps to give you an idea of what the process might be like. And I'm terribly sorry that all this has happened to you and your DH. sad

Luckystar1 Wed 13-Nov-13 19:05:35

Ladies how are you doing? Thinking of you both. My pm won't work!! Hope you're both doing ok and your respective dps. X

junebaby2014 Wed 13-Nov-13 19:33:43

Aw gosh so sad for us all ��

Well my miscarriage was on Monday the early stages.
Bleeding is very light maybe changing a pad twice a day if that..

I am not great with pain and i dont think my partner would like to see me go through this pain we have suffered enough on monday finding out our babys heartbeat stopped!

D & C seems to be my option..
Pain free, has anyone had this or know of any stories?
The risks are of course puncturing your whom? But iv been told this is like 1 in 1000, plus people have c sections every day and carry on to have more children and thats cutting and stitching the whom back together!

I'm so scared either way! Any advise would be appreciated! ��

Luckystar1 Wed 13-Nov-13 19:50:58

June I just saw you on the d&c thread. Glad you've mad your decision. From what I've read it seems a good option (I didn't have it). Just double check how long you'll have to wait before ttc again, I think when they say 1 cycle with it, they mean it (unlike me who resumed trying the instant the bleeding sort of stopped!!)

Not much advice I'm afraid, but glad to see you on here. Xx

junebaby2014 Wed 13-Nov-13 19:54:50

Thank you❤️

Sorry not great with all the shorten words whats ttc?

Luckystar1 Wed 13-Nov-13 21:31:01

Trying to conceive, the bain of our lives! wink

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