Very upset by eprc this morning

(55 Posts)
Handsfullandlovingit Wed 16-Oct-13 15:54:56

I sadly lost my baby at 11 weeks. With other kids, the surgical management seemed sensible as could schedule parents coming from miles away to hold fort for a bit, bless them.

I am surprised by the sheer devastation of losing this tiny bean. I was doing so well, the odd wobble but being very brave and practical. Everybody was so kind, until I got to the anaesthetic room. The anaesthetist sailed in, huge grin on his face and happily declared "so, you are here for an abortion". I crumpled, sobbing to the assembled (aghast) medical team that we desperately wanted this darling baby, and begged him to read his notes in the future before coming in.

He didn't apologise, kept on smiling and changed the subject (later, the sweet surgeon was really apologetic) . Then he tried to get my drip in, repeatedly demanding I calm down and relax. It took a couple of attempts and I went to sleep and awoke sobbing.

How dare he. I chose this route to minimise distress. I am going to complain to the hospital. I suppose I'm posting this to check that it wasn't a terrible misunderstanding, does abortion have a medical meaning I'm unaware of?

On a positive note, the procedure and the anaesthetic were really fine, apart from dickhead anaesthetist. I am snuggled up with mild cramps and can have more ibuprofen soon! Thank you for reading, sorry to grumble.

marriedinwhiteisback Thu 24-Oct-13 22:37:20

Good luck. Relax at home. Take care. PM me if it all gets a bit dark.

ZingNet Thu 24-Oct-13 17:16:15

I'm glad you can go home.

I wish you all the best. If you want me to pm you our TTC thread send me a PM today (I keep NC due to various events, so I don't know how long this one will last)

big hugs and take care of yourself! thanks

Handsfullandlovingit Thu 24-Oct-13 15:34:23

Good point married I have reported myself. Blame the drugs! I have Good News, my body did its thing yesterday, and I can go home. Whoop!

marriedinwhiteisback Thu 24-Oct-13 08:06:19

I think your latest post might have outed you OP. Am a bit worried about you being vulnerable and have asked Mnet to delete it.

Love and hugs.

Bakingtins Thu 24-Oct-13 07:39:51

Hope you make good your escape today. Being fed when you are an inpatient should not be an optional extra!
When you feel up to it, please do write and complain. It's only by forcing them to recognise how these thing impact on patients that anything will ever change.
On the flip side, we should also make a point of giving positive feedback if someone has done well or been caring. I am currently bring cared for at EPU, and since my first visit there in 2006 things have improved immeasurably.

Handsfullandlovingit Thu 24-Oct-13 07:27:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Darned autocorrect. Mac = mmc

Sorry you are going through all this. My first mac I opted for the pesaary and pills treatment that means you miscarry in hosp on a ward. I was in a 10 bed ward and three other women were having the treatment as an early abortion, and tried to chat to me assuming I was in for the same thing. Another had had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy and wandered over, dragging her drip, to ask me what I was in for. I told her there was no heartbeat at my 12 week scan and so I was in basically waiting for the baby to come out. She actually said 'well its worse for ME cos at least you already knew your baby was dead'. shockangry

So on my 2nd loss, there was no way I was a)leaving myself open to comments and conversation from unsympathetic women, and b) didn't want a repeat of spending such a an emotionally traumatic and physically painful time on an open ward, so I opted for eprc.

I was in hosp doing my nil by mouth time, when a nurse came round to take my details. One of the questions was 'were you referred here by your GP or (name of abortion advisory service that I can't remember)? '.

I was a bit puzzled and said neither, that my scan showed no heartbeat.

It wasn't until I got home that I realised the assumption behind her question and it upset me for MONTHS.

In the end I realised that she does this day in day out. She wasn't judging me, she was just filling in the boxes on a form. But at the time of a loss, it just seems to add to the pain.

beachesandbuckets Wed 23-Oct-13 22:52:37

Handsful, sorry to hear what an awful time you have had, but like your optimism! I had mmc, erpc, lots of after bleeding this time last year (already have 2 dcs) although not as hideous as your experience, however currently b/feeding my baby twins so you never know, you may just have 4 next year smile sending hugs x

Oddsocksrus Wed 23-Oct-13 22:42:02

I'm in Kent too, food parcel perhaps? [thlfrin]
What is it with hospitals?my dad had major heart surgery and it took almost a week to get him on a food list, someone somewhere in their system must have made the link between good nutrition and health???.....

Oddsocksrus Wed 23-Oct-13 22:34:39

We are here for handholding remotely too thlsmile

Oddsocksrus Wed 23-Oct-13 22:32:32

That is appalling, which hospital are you in, can one of us come and be with you/deliver earplugs/take the newborn and it's mother home?!?!?

picklebum2011 Wed 23-Oct-13 22:26:34

I'm so very sorry, hope you get home really soon. X

marriedinwhiteisback Wed 23-Oct-13 20:19:09

I'd just make a little list of what has gone wrong so far and ask for the ward sister. I'd just hand it to her and say I hope you will make sure I'm better looked after from now.

ZombieZing Wed 23-Oct-13 20:09:02

good to hear you are feeling a bit better and that the nurses are lovely.
and the painkillers no doubt help a great deal!wink

I like your future plans! smile
I'll pm you a TTC thread I'm on, should you be interested to join when you are ready (or even sooner for support).

when can you go home?

I hope you have a good night sleep tonight!
brew & cake

Handsfullandlovingit Wed 23-Oct-13 19:59:09

Zing, thank you! I am feeling a lot brighter now, I am demanding as many painkillers as possible. The worst of the bleeding has subsided, thankfully I can get off the loo! The nurses are really lovely, I just wish they had more time to care. I have decided I am going to have two more gorgeous babies to add to my current 2, just to cheer myself up. Just need to get this nasty bit done first...

ZombieZing Wed 23-Oct-13 19:14:15

sweetheart, how are you now? such a horrendous time, I hope you've eaten and not in pain. (physically at least)

I can't believe they are not looking after you properlyangry
(when you have recovered you do need to complain, that is appalling).

(hugs)thanks

Handsfullandlovingit Wed 23-Oct-13 17:42:32

And bono, that's such a sweet offer, I'm in Kent and my DH has supplied me with some earplugs already!

Handsfullandlovingit Wed 23-Oct-13 17:41:08

Again, thank you all. We aren't in the postnatal ward, but I was at the edge of the gynae which was next door to postnatal.

We had some fun and games today. Doctor decided to give me a full 48 hours of antibiotics, so no eprc today. So having been nil by mouth since 6pm Tuesday, at 11 am today they decided not to operate. Nobody brought me anything to eat or drink. DH was about to go to work, but thankfully got me a muffin before he left. Then they also forgot to give me lunch. I got a bit fed up by this point (2pm) so struggled into my clothes and cannula attached went through the whole hospital to get lunch from the canteen. Had to hide in the loos until I stopped crying! But I stomped up 3 flights of stairs to get back. They moved me into a better room (hurray).

I then started bleeding and produced some gigantic clots. So I do hope that means no more eprc. It is very painful, proper labour tactics deployed. I am so pleased that my body seems to finally have got the hint! Sorry for the essay, it's been a bit of a day.

bonzo77 Wed 23-Oct-13 14:39:57

this is just awful. I hope you spend the time you are in drafting your complaint letter. I'm sure that there is a code of practice regarding management of miscarriage, including that women should not be treated in the same department as pregnant women or those with babies. As for that anaesthetist, an absolute disgrace. If English is not his first language he should be trained in the appropriate medical terminology for his job.

If I am local to you I could drop in earplugs. PM me, I'm in north London if that helps.

satsumagirl Wed 23-Oct-13 14:39:36

Really sorry to hear this. The anaesthetist sounds like a complete bell end. Definitely complain.

You are handling this all so well- I take my hat off to you. Hugs xx

vladthedisorganised Wed 23-Oct-13 14:36:25

I'm so sorry to hear your story. The anaesthetist was really insensitive - medical term or otherwise, surely the training covers what not to say for an ERPC?
But then to put you on a postnatal ward is incredibly shit. Please please please complain to PALS and MSLC. I would have really lost it being surrounded by newborns.

nancerama Wed 23-Oct-13 14:17:39

Handsfull, I'm so sorry you have been re admitted. I can't even begin to understand how you must be feeling right now.

How can the hospital think it's ok to put you on a postnatal ward? Please complain (again) to PALS and to the MSLC (maternity services liaison committee). It was bad enough when I was discharged from the gynaecological ward as visiting hours were beginning and having to make small talk with excited grandparents in the lift. I may have lost it entirely being surrounded by newborns.

BabsAndTheRu Wed 23-Oct-13 14:05:07

Handsfullandlovingit so sorry you are going through this. I miscarried at home with our first baby at 10weeks and will never forget the sonographer at the hospital asking me as she was about to do the scan " what am I looking for here then" in a really frosty tone. My reply was you are checking that my baby has gone, but then if you had read the notes you would have known that, clearly you haven't. My mum was with me who is a retired midwife and she actually gave the first response which was "good god how insensitive". Love my mum for that.
Maybe they are hardened by their experiences but if so they are in the wrong job.

marriedinwhiteisback Wed 23-Oct-13 12:30:53

It was all a very long time ago. And yes a very happy ending with two darling older teenagers and if what happened hadn't happened I would have different children and I couldn't imagine a life like that. I was lucky because I conceived again quickly each time. Still very very hard but I sometimes look at dd who was born 51 weeks after DS2 died and well up with joy because I have her.

I'm sure that in the big scheme of things this is a dark blip in a bigger picture ofparenthood and family life.

It's just a shame that the health professionals don't always seem to understand the importance of the unborn child, that they might be deeply wanted and thus handle it badly. I think they get hardened by their experiences but we don't.

Get well soon ((((hugs)))

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