ttc after mc - the disappointment(16 Posts)
I had a mc in July at 9 weeks and since then I am finding it really difficult when AF turns up each month. Last month I could tell I wasn't pregnant but still felt sad when it arrived. This month I didn't test until after AF was due (my partner felt all the early testing wasn't helping emotionally, I agree) and got a really faint positive using FR. I tried not to get my hopes up as I have read about evaporation lines and chemical pregnancy etc. Today its 3 days later, and nearly a week after I was expecting AF, I was about to take another test and it's arrived with a vengeance. I am gutted. I know it's early days so I shouldn't moan but I'm just so fed up. I wish I had never got pregnant in the first place and that I could go back to feeling happy again and not thinking about ttc/mc all the sodding time!!
Just needed to get that off my chest.
So sorry about your mc. It's not an easy thing to deal with, is it, and you're bound to be feeling anxious about ttc again. But, it really is very early days at this point, only a couple of cycles. There really is no reason to think anything is wrong at this point. According to the NHS, it takes a year of trying for 84% of couples to have conceived. Some manage it pretty well straight away, but it's quite normal for it to take longer, even if everything is basically working properly. I feel your frustration and sadness, but it really is most likely going to be just fine.
It took me 2 years to conceive after my mc, but I was on the really quite old side (42 when DS was born), and also had a haemmorhaged ovarian cyst in the middle of that - but even I got there eventually! I also had always suffered from wildly irregular periods, so I took to deciding not to do a pregnancy test until 2 whole months had gone by, as I just didn't want to know if I'd had another early mc. I finally did conceive my wonderful DS just when I'd officially given up hoping. I can't help but wonder whether that made me relax more and somehow helped the hormones be right for the job.
Good luck and keep trying (there are worse things to have to do!) and please try not to worry so much. I agree with your DP that you shouldn't test quite so early either - why don't you officially decide to wait until 1 or 2 weeks after AF is due, so the results are more likely to be accurate and you're less likely to get your hopes up too soon?
Really good advice there from Fossil which I will take on board too. I understand how you feel as its hard to step back from the situation. Before ttc when I heard it normally takes 12 odd months to get bfp I used to think that was fine as time goes soooo quickly! However, when your in the situation and your hopes and plans and emotions are riding on it even one month seems like ages!
I also really relate to your last line and since my MMC have been trying to get my old stuff back I really enjoyed, going gym a lot, meeting friends etc. not to stop caring about ttc but just to try to enjoy the things I enjoy, if you get my meaning lol!
I also said to DH, wish I had never got pregnant which I didn't really mean but was just angry at the situation and the disappointment.
Really hope things go well for you next month and it sounds like your partner is great and looking out for you, xx
Thanks for your replies. It is early days so I'm not worried as such, just disappointed and then I get frustrated that I can't just relax about it! I think I'm still getting used to feeling hormonal/emotional at certain times of the month too (was on the pill for like 16 years!).
Yeah I will try and be strict with myself next week and wait two weeks before testing. It is hard to wait but better than feeling how I did this time. I was really relaxed about it when we started ttc - I also had the 12 month thing in mind - but I fell pregnant a couple of weeks later and then had the mc and have struggled to get that relaxed feeling back!
Good ideas too about focussing on other things, we're throwing ourselves into working on our new house at the moment but I think I'll also plan some nice days out, weekends away, treats etc
Thanks again x
moomin I know exactly how you feel. I also MC'd at 9 weeks in July and, like you, have been ttc since. (I actually MC'd earlier in the year too). I think that, for obvious reasons, having a MC can make you more obsessive/fixated on TTC as you're trying to get back to where you were (PG) and replace what you've lost. Whereas if you were still just TTC without the miscarriage then you'd probably not feel that sense of desperation as much.
I was also convinced i was pregnant on my last cycle. In fact was so sure that I only took a test as a formality, just to confirm what I thought I knew. Of course when my test came up negative I was convinced it was a false negative and that I was still PG. It was only when my AF reared it's ugly head that I accepted i wasn't pregnant. Like you gutted.
I also wish I could just get on with life again - and get drunk and just fixate on other things in life - but time and age is also against me with the ttc thing so that doesn't help either.
What I have found is that a few days after AF's arrival I start to feel better and generally start enjoying life again a bit, until OV time and then that two week wait. So perhaps you at least can be kind to yourself for hte next few weeks and have some wine and some fun....?
Good luck with everything. I feel your frustration totally.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Thanks so much for your messages mabelmay and katatonic it really helps to hear similar experiences and feelings. Makes me feel more normal! I don't know about you but I have found mc quite a lonely experience. My DP is great but I do want to be ok for his sake and I don't like to worry my mum. I'm in a new job so none of my colleagues know, and sometimes they put their foot in it without meaning to asking if I'd like children etc. Sometimes it feels like carrying around a big secret. This forum has been a godsend
So sorry to hear about your loss. I had a MMC in august and AF appeared again in September. I'm now beginning to feel the grumbles of the impending arrival of AF and I'm finding it very hard to stay positive. We conceived on our first cycle last time and I couldn't help hoping it would happen again this time. It's so hard not to reach out and POAS, but as you're DP (and my DH) points out it probably increases the stress. I just want to be pregnant again so desperately.
I'll try to take on board the very sound advice above. Best wishes to everyone here, may we all have happy, healthy 2014 babies.
Hi all. Sorry to read your stories and hear of your frustrations. I am in the same position MC and EPRC just over a month ago. Not particularly TTC but have DTD and not used protection. I have been feeling a bit like AF will appear soon but still holding out the hope that it might be a BFP. I am fighting the urge to POAS as I think it'll lead to disappointment. Fingers crossed for us all
It is so difficult to resist POAS but I'm really going to try next time!
It's interesting as I was talking to a friend recently who also had a mc and she was saying that she had a feeling something wasn't right even when she got her bfp - she said the line was much fainter than it had been when she was pregnant with DD1, and she subsequently mc. I had a similar feeling this month as although I got a faint positive, the line was much quicker to appear and darker the last time I was 5 weeks pregnant. I thought my hormone levels must be very low and suspected it would turn out to be a chemical pregnancy, a few days later AF arrived. I think these days we maybe know too much, if that makes sense? The cycle tracking, super-sensitive tests etc are great but also mean we recognise chemical pregnancies and very early mc when in my mum's day you wouldn't know.
I don't know what the answer is but at the moment I'm just trying to throw myself into work and diy (oh the fun!) but also planning some nice things too - especially around the time AF is next due!
It's 5 weeks since my mc and I haven't had AF yet. I know I haven't ovulated so there's zero chance anything has happened, but there's still a tiny part of me that is desperate enough to hope I'm pg even though we never managed a bfp in 22 months of trying until we were put on clomid. I feel like I'm going downhill again as I'm in limbo. Can't start ttc until AF arrives and I can take the clomid again. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope if the clomid doesn't work for us again. We conceived on our first round of clomid so I have unrealistic expectations that it will immediately happen again
just a case of waiting for sodding AF to turn up so we can get on with it
If you conceived so quickly the first time there's no reason it won't happen again very soon. Hope you get lucky.
Thanks, hope AF arrives for you soon (as strange as that may sound!) and you can try again.
i know exactly how u feel, i had a miscarriage at 11 weeks in July, and really thought i would be pregnant again by now, going by my last 2 pregnancy's where i concieved literally straight away, now in starting to have doubts if something may be wrong x
I can understand that, if you look at the stats about how long it takes most couples to conceive it's still early days, but if you've fallen quick before it's only natural to worry a bit when it takes longer. The likelihood is there isn't anything wrong, the more I've learnt about ttc the more I believe there's an element of luck to it!
Hopefully we'll all be back in the antenatal threads soon xxx
I had a mc 2 weeks ago today. I was 5wk + 4. It was unplanned but not unwanted and I am so desperate to try again (in fact we've started trying already)
Last time we conceived extremely easily (hence the unplanned comment) but I just know it will no doubt take months to conceive again.
To make matters worse, I am absolutely surrounded by pregnant women and very resentful about it! I seem to have a sadistic streak as I seem to gravitate towards them to listen to their baby chat - they're like a club I really want to join.
Fingers crossed for you and everyone else trying again!
I had as well 2 miscarriages and a threatened miscarriage recently but my last pregnancy was saved by progesterone. I usually manage to find out I am pregnant very early on day 23th or 24th of the cycle. I don't think this is a problem. A very early miscarriage can be a sign of low progesterone level. So probably you should talk to your doctor about it.
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