I am a student midwife and recently I had the privilege to care for a woman who had a miscarriage. I was with her when the tiny, perfect, beautiful baby was born. I took photos of that baby for the parents, cleaned her and placed her in a lovely little cot and took it back to mum and dad so they could spend as much time as they wanted with her. I cared for her during the following day too.
This experience has affected me deeply, but in a good way. I thought I would go home that day and cry my head off. However, I felt an incredible sense of peace, of being honoured of sharing those moments with that amazing woman and her partner, and having got to meet that tiny baby. I feel this experience will make me a better midwife.
Some weeks have passed and I have this urge to write this lady a card, in which I would tell her how beautiful I think her baby was (even though I told her at the time), say that that little baby changed not only their lives, but in her short time in this world touched my life too, and that I will always remember her name and her birthday.
However, I am torn abut this. One part of me tells me to go ahead, that this woman will really like to know someone else will remember her baby, and that she meant so much for me. Another part of me tells me to let it go, that this woman has gone through enough and receiving that card would reopen the wound, and that it is an inappropriate thing to do. I am afraid sending this card is selfish, as a way of making this all about me, instead of letting this woman grieve. I am not sure she will want to hear from me again, or would prefer to forget that part of her experience.
Apologising in advance if this thread hurts anyone's sensitivities, I would like to ask you ladies, do you think I should send this card? Please be honest, the last thing I would want would be to make her grieving worse :(
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Would you like to receive a card from me if this was you?
18 replies
aurynne · 02/10/2013 10:42
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