I've replied to a couple of threads on here but now finding myself posting my own...
So my miscarriage story starts on 15th aug when we were told at our 12 week scan we had lost our baby at 9 weeks. DP and I were devastated. We opted for the ERPC hoping this would physically mean it was over.
So here I am 2 and half weeks post op still bleeding, an infection and the possibility of another op looming over me. DP and I are fighting non-stop - I feel so angry and confused and we are taking it out on each other. When I cry, he just stares at me but doesn't say anything because he doesn't know what to say, this angers me which I know is irrational. We rowed so much on Sunday we nearly split up - he is now barely talking to me!
At the docs yesterday, the doc said he can't understand why I want children anyway - they are a pain!! I nearly swung for him!! I went straight back to work but now I'm taking a few days off as I can't cope.
So three weeks ago I was planning a family and now I'm sat here close to breaking up with DP and life's a struggle!
I'm so sorry . Not much more I can say, but you have my sympathy. Amazed you didn't swing for that doc, how bloody inappropriate. Hope you don't need another op, but that you can get it sorted quickly either way, dealing with the bleeding is something I find emotionally really difficult - and it's just one more thing that your dp doesn't have anyway of understanding. Have the hospital been good in other ways - do you know what the plan is for dealing with the bleeding/infection and how long they expect it to take?
With dp, it's so hard isn't it? My dh is lovely, and generally pretty understanding but he really has struggled to understand how I've felt with our losses at times. Do you have any rl friends you can talk with so you feel more understood from someone else? I've found when I've had a good chat with a couple of my more understanding mates (thinking about it, 2 in particular who haven't even had mcs) I've then felt more at peace for a bit, just because someone understands.
I'm very sorry. It can be a devastating thing to go through and puts a strain on your relationship. Grief throws up a lot of difficult emotions and if you are in different places in the cycle of anger, disbelief, looking for someone to blame, needing a hug, wanting everyone to leave you alone then it can lead to conflict. It really is not a time to make any big decisions about your relationship, let the dust settle first and try to talk to DH about how you feel and how he can best help you get through this (and you him). Men don't have the same attachment to the baby, the hormonal upheaval or the physical unpleasantness to get through, but he will still be grieving - he has still lost the little family he thought he was getting. The doctor was extremely insensitive and inappropriate and I would be tempted to complain when you feel up to it.
Im so very sorry to read your post. What a terrible thing to happen. Earlier this year I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks too - although I went onto naturally miscarry before the date of my ERPC. I remember how my emotions were all over the place - a combination of grief and hormones settling down - and it really was the most dreadful and devastating time. It will take a little while longer before the immediate ache and pain fades, but you will begin to have good hours / days.
Your DP will be experiencing grief too - and its so hard to reach out to each other when you are enveloped in such pain and such shock. Please don't think because you are arguing at the moment then that means everything is over, it doesn't. Give yourselves some time and acknowledge that both of you are hurting so very much - you both wanted your baby and you are both in pain now.
Take some time to be kind to yourselves and each other - you have both been through so much.
Thanks for your lovely messages. We have had a real heart to heart and I'm hoping we can get through this now together. I've finally given in and had some time off although im stressing about school and my year 11 classes. Going back to see my normal doctor today as I'm still in pain and feel so emotional. I am also going to mention what the other doc said.