MC @6+3 Would it be sensible to go to work tomorrow?

[bugoven]

Hi all,
DP and I have been TTC for nearly 2 years, we finally got a BFP at 5+4 last Tuesday (can't believe I waited that long to test) and found out today based on repeated blood tests that the pregnancy was not viable and I began to miscarry shortly after hearing the results having been spotting for a week.
I have had some pretty bad cramps and found it difficult to stand at times but have not taken any pain killers just used a hottie bottie and had a nice long bath just before the bleeding started.
The bleeding hasn't been too heavy. Some very small tissue/clots but otherwise probably a little lighter than the periods I usually have so far just with a lot more pain.
So I would like to think about going to work tomorrow which will be an inset before the first day of term as I work in a school. I would happily take Paracetamol to manage the pain and I have a lot of things going well so wouldn't find it hard to distract myself from getting upset, after all, so many people say next month I will be very fertile. To add to this I was attacked by a stranger on the way to work last month shortly before the end of term and as news had traveled fast I think most people would be expecting me to seem a little fragile and there would be no need to explain about the MC if I got upset. My main worry is that the bleeding may get worse or I might find myself unable to manage that or the pain. I don't know what to expect.
In summary: Am I being "too brave" as my partner, family and friends have said and stay home just in case or should I think positive and crack on with life as normal?
Any advice very welcome whether you have experienced loss yourself or not. Thanks in advance Xx

[Bakingtins]

You are being too brave. Stay home at least until the bleeding has settled, it's likely to get worse than a period even if you were early on.
I'm all for being busy and keeping yourself distracted but whilst you are actually miscarrying is a step too far.
I'm v sorry you lost your baby and that you had such a horrible experience earlier in the year. Sometimes it feels like the world is out to get you.

[asandwichshort]

Sorry for your loss My experience is as follows - After a m/c at 6.5 weeks on a Friday I went back to work on the Monday - it just felt ok to do so - strong pains and clots on the saturday but just like a heavy period on Sunday and just normal bleeding on the monday. After a M/c at 8.5 weeks on a Tues I needed a D and C and was off until the following Monday. Everyone is different - I am more of a practical type of person and it helped me to go back to work and be 'normal'. Do whatever YOU want to do - its your body, your choice!

[BlueSkyandRain]

I'm sorry you find yourself here bud. I miscarried at 6 weeks last Weds, although I think it had stopped growing a week earlier as I'd stopped feeling sick. So similar to you I think. Initially the bleeding was like a period but then I started bleeding more heavily and losing largish bits, which tbh was more upsetting as well with the thinking about what it was. After that it settled down to being more like a period again. I had a scan after I felt I'd passed it, and the scan confirmed that. Have you had a scan which has shown you've passed the sac (or do you think you have?). As from talking to others I think that's often the point after which the bleeding settles down, and if you haven't yet then it could get heavier iyswim.

I have been fine to do stuff at some points in time and then really felt like lying down at others. I'm much more of a carry on with things person, so I know what you mean - you don't want to just be sitting at home and thinking of all the things you'll need to catch up on. But you do also need to allow yourself to grieve at some point (& if you work in a school it'll be busy busy for a good few weeks before you have time off...).

Sorry I've not actually answered the question! I'm not sure there's a definitely right answer, just thought I'd share my experience, it may as well be of use to someone. Good luck with it all whatever you decide x

[BlueSkyandRain]

Bug not bud! Doh.

[bugoven]

After I wrote my post I spent an hour or so being sick and had a big cry. I seem to have bled a little heavier overnight and were some bits. The pain has eased a little. If I feel unwell or that things aren't ok in a week or so I'll ask my GP for a scan. Also I have an appointment with a fertility consultant 25th Sept so they will probably offer me one then. OH has agreed we can start trying again as soon as all seems ok.

I decided to stay home today as it's inset and don't feel so much like I'm letting anyone down or going to miss anything and will be a lot stronger when the kids come back tomorrow if I've given myself an extra day to recover.

I am so sorry for your losses. Thank you so much for your replies, MN is full of brave people that make the this roller coaster ride so much easier. XXX

[maggiebgood]

You've had 2 big things happen recently. Being attacked is not small thing. So your world has been rocked. Take care of yourself and let your loved ones look after you, whether you go back to work or not.

[EeyoreIsh]

Sorry to hear you've had a miscarriage bug. It's especially difficult after two years ttc, the same happened to me.

I'm glad you've decided to take the day off. I found with my mc that I would have some days that were more painful and heavier than others. I took a month off work as that's how long the bleeding lasted and I was an emotional mess. But I can see that you might want to go back to work for distraction.

Take it easy, be kind to yourself and I hope you have a successful pregnancy soon.

[bugoven]

Hi folks

Thank you again for your replies and kindness.

I went to work yesterday. I felt sick and exhausted most of the day but I was so pleased with myself and felt very positive about "next time".

TMI warning: I had some bleeding similar to a period, changed my pad and almost immediately felt "something" happening. I went back to the loo to find my pad soaked and some bloody, tissue like mass about the size of a finger. I was going to the ladies every half hour to change and it was hard to manage. Pretty sure this means I have passed whatever I need to and although I am still in pain similar to a period, the bleeding was no longer very heavy overnight or this morning.

Today I am even more tired and feel sick but am going to push myself to go into work for that feeling of resilience that was so comforting yesterday. Also will receive my blood results today to see what my levels are up to and what, if anything, will need to be done next.

How are you doing now Bluesky? Are you still bleeding? Hope you're feeling ok Xx

[BlueSkyandRain]

Well I'm glad it sounds like the worst is over bug and that you managed to go to work and it helped some. Hope today is helping too. I'm doing ok, thanks for asking. The bleeding has pretty much stopped now and I feel fine - actually, I had some Guinness the other evening and I've felt much stronger since, I don't know if it was that I needed some iron! Hope your blood results are good and that you feel stronger and less tired very soon x

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

How did it go at work today bug? I think you are being really tough and appreciate that being resiliant can help you cope. But MC can be both physically and mentally exhausting and it is a time to be selfish and really look after yourself.

I had a MC at 9 weeks just over 3 weeks ago. No way I could have been at work whilst actually passing the sac (did it in one go, keeled over, felt v grim for a few hours). I was contemplating going back after a couple of days, but both my bosses (line manager and project lead) told me to stay home. So glad they did as I needed the time to sleep, to potter and to be a little bit sad occasionally. I had 2 weeks in total and felt very ready to go back to work after that.

[bugoven]

BlueSky I'm so glad to hear everything is settling down for you and the Guinness sounds like a brilliant plan!
Yorkshire thank you I really pride myself on being resilient and yes I was exhausted Wednesday.

Yesterday the bleeding had nearly stopped and I was getting excited about trying again. Emotionally I was just looking forward to a weekend taking it easy and felt proud not to have missed the kids coming back in.
Unfortunately I started feeling ill yesterday, My abdomen became very tender and bloated and I felt so sick and uncomfortable. I found I was filling a pad in about 10 min and felt it was time to go home. I was so frightened, thinking I had an infection or that the bleeding wouldn't stop.
I got someone to take me home an hour short of the end of the day and they tried to take me to my doctor but I didn't want to be waiting in a surgery.
I sat on the loo and bled so heavily it honestly crossed my mind I might faint and bleed to death. I then passed quite a large mass which was fleshy and grey. It was about the size of a chicken's egg I suppose. I spoke to the doctor who still said no one would be able to tell me anything. My HCG levels had fallen to 70 but this was slow and suggested I was retaining products.... no surprise there! I cried and told him I didn't think anyone was reassuring me and that I would go straight to A & E if I was worried out of hours. I now felt very light headed and had a very bad headache. I laid down, still tender and feeling sick then my OH came home and I felt strong enough to go to the loo again. Again I lost a large fleshy lump. I don't know if this is normal for 6 - 7 weeks pregnant. I am so upset they didn't give me a scan so I could have known a little more about the pregnancy. With the dramas last month maybe I was so anxious I didn't realize my period was light. I don't know, I just cried feeling helpless and sorry.
I and am not feeling s tough at the moment so have stayed home from work today and accepting I should look after myself. After all, I'll probably be someone's mum soon =)

Thank you again for all your support

[EeyoreIsh]

bug I think you need to give yourself time to recover at home. I bled and passed quite a lot of awful things during my mc at around the same stage. But if you're filling a pad more than once every half hour you should go to hospital, that's what my EPU drummed into me.

I know it's tough and you want life to get back to normal, but you do need to allow your body time to heal.

hugs and

[bugoven]

Eeyore I called a doctor yesterday when I was bleeding heavily and they didn't seem worried.

katatonic I don't have a choice about curling up on the sofa, it's all I can manage today I'm exhausted and my head is so sore! I have taken paracetamol. I think you're right about the stopping and starting. Considering staying off work until I know it's all over. Thank you for sharing your experience Xx

[Bakingtins]

Bug I hope you are feeling ok physically now and being looked after. Has your bleeding settled? The information given to women about a natural miscarriage is woefully inadequate to prepare you for what it might be like, and it can be very frightening to be going through it at home. If you feel unwell or have more heavy bleeding please go over the head of unhelpful GP and get yourself checked out. You can ring EPU for advice if they are open or if not, the gynae ward they are attached to. It's probably worth finding out that number and having it to hand just in case. I'm sorry you have not been treated with more sympathy and respect.

[EeyoreIsh]

bug I stayed at home until the bleeding has stopped. actually I tried to return when it had slowed but like you I had to take more time off. I'm a proper workaholic but six months on I don't feel bad about having a month off as my body (and mind) needed it.

[bugoven]

Baking the bleeding has settled for now. It's still bright red but only when I wipe. I called my local EPAU a couple of days ago and they said that as I was under the "care" of my doctor I would have to let them refer me. I think I've done it on my own now. I have had lots of offers of help but I just want to be alone. My OH is at work.

Eeyore thank you. I will take the time I need and think what is best for me whether that be staying at home or going into work.

[bugoven]

Still going.......

[Bakingtins]

I wouldn't be concerned that you are still bleeding as long as it's not heavy and you are feeling physically ok (bit wiped out is par for the course but not sick, dizzy, feverish) I have normally bled for 10-14 days but once sac has passed only like a period and gradually tailing off.
Hope you managed to get some sleep. Let people look after you even if it's only providing wine, chocolate and trashy mags or DVDs to be alone with. They want you to feel cared for at a tough time and at some point you probably will want someone to talk to, even if you don't now.

[bugoven]

Thanks Baking I meant I was still passing tissue, in pain and feeling unwell as well as bleeding.

I passed the sac late last night then took some pain killers and went to sleep. I was woken early hours by my heart racing and a painful abdomen so went to the gynecological department at the hospital as advised by NHS 111 service. Everyone I spoke to this morning was very helpful and reassuring. I have been given antibiotics and a number to call for the EPAU with a referral from a doctor if I am still bleeding, feel the miscarriage is incomplete or am in any pain or discomfort. I was examined and treated with such dignity and kindness. The bleeding has virtually stopped again now.

[Bakingtins]

Glad you've been checked out and are feeling reassured. I think that's what the first doctor should have advised. Take it easy

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Bug, so sorry to hear you've had a tough couple of days. Glad you finally got some decent care. Do take up the option of a scan at EPU, that should confirm that the MC is complete.

And rest as much as possible and do take time off. Your body has got through a physical trauma, you need recovery time.

[barkingtreefrog]

How are you doing now bug? We seem to be in similar situations. We were trying 22 months before finally finding out a few weeks ago we were pregnant. I just had it confirmed by scan this morning that I've miscarried. Would have been 8+1 today but a scan at 7+3 as I'd already started spotting was too small for the dates (even considering late ovulation) and there was no heartbeat. I've had quite a lot of blood and clots but today seems to be calming down. There was still some tissue you could see on the scan so they told me there could be another 2 weeks of bleeding but I'm going stir crazy at home and want to get back to school (another teacher). I'm a little worried that the heavy bleeding might come back while I'm in the classroom though so not sure what to do for the best.

[bugoven]

barkingtreefrog I am no expert, as you said we are in similar situations but I can offer you advice based on what happened to me.
I had some bleeding and clots then the bleeding slowed I assumed it was all over and I was ok to return to work. This was Tuesday. Wednesday I went to work and although I was tired and tender I was really pleased with myself. Thursday I felt unwell for a lot of the day. The bleeding got heavier so I was changing my pad every 30 min. I sat for a little while marking papers thinking this was sensible and taking it easy. I then became very very tender and although I was in danger of losing my trousers (I have lost over 2 stone TTC) I couldn't bare to wear my belt. A colleague said I looked pale and I agreed I didn't feel well and they took me home.
I got home just in time to lose a lot of blood and tissue as I think I described above which I would not have been able to cope with at work and I would have alarmed a lot of people had I waited another half hour.
So in my case I should have stayed home. I think I will go back this Thursday so I will have had 4 days off in total. I can also have the absence marked as a pregnancy related one so I am not penalized. Take whatever time you need Will you get a scan to confirm all is ok?

Thanks everyone for your support. I realize this is a massive post but I also want to complete my story for this thread for others who may want to know what to expect or need support. Also, selfishly, this has been so helpful.

I am almost certain I was a little further along than I had thought and conceived the cycle before. I would estimate I had reached 8 weeks gestation and should have been 11 weeks when I miscarried. The bleed I had last cycle was brief and I was very much distracted by the anxiety and upset of having been attacked. Neither my doctor or a nurse I spoke to at EPAU would accept this even though I had called in distress and asking for advice. Again I was told to expect a late period. I am considering complaining and hoping to urge health professionals to listen to others in my situation and offer more investigation before leaving someone to suffer unnecessarily.
Thankfully on referral from the gynecologist I saw following my hospital visit went for a scan at EPAU Monday morning. I waited for an hour and there was a young woman there proudly showing her 12 week scan photos who asked me how far along I was. Everyone had been silent until then but when I replied "I'm not, I've miscarried" they started talking about their losses and all but me were offered ERPC. There was also a lovely lady there for a hysterectomy who mothered me a little as I obviously looked like a terrified little girl despite being 30 in November. We offered so much comfort to each other and despite the sad circumstances I am glad to have met these women.
When I was scanned I was so tender so I opted for a trans-vaginal. They could only see a small amount of tissue remaining 6mmX5mmX4mm and not enough to justify an operation. They said this would either be reabsorbed or I would bleed it out. I could also see my uterus was much bigger than last time I was scanned for fertility investigations. I looked up at the screen and imagined seeing a little squiggly baby in that big space next time I am scanned. I am feeling so reassured and was told that everything looks healthy. I feel much better having had antibiotics and my bleeding has reduced to some pinkish spotting when I wipe. The nurse advised me to wait a full cycle but then admitted this was for the sake of dating a future pregnancy. I explained this hadn't helped me last time so I think we are going to start TTC again once I have stopped bleeding. It feels like we're starting all over again and I'm actually more hopeful and excited than ever.

This has been a frightening and upsetting experience but having been TTC for 2 years and wanting to be pregnant from as far back as I can remember I would rather have had this experience than none at all. I am so proud of my body for conceiving and growing what it could for those weeks and I have faith in it to do the same and better next time.

If anyone wants to talk I would really recommend it. I have written such a garbled mess here but I feel much better for it.