Found out I'd had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks, should have been 11 weeks. Was booked in for an erpc on Friday but passed most of it naturally on Thursday evening, the most painful and scary experience of my life. DH was amazing and really got me through it. So went for the erpc on Friday as was still some left.
So... On to today I'm still taking the painkillers that the hospital gave me, cramps seem to have gone but still uncomfortable when painkillers haven't kicked in. However when I need to use the loo it's very painful, doing a poo yesterday was very painful (sorry if tmi). How long does this pain carry on for?
One doctor said I could go back to work tomorrow, which I won't be as I just don't feel ready, I was thinking perhaps all of next week off and then go back. So 2 weeks off total, is that about the same as others?
My manager is pregnant, due jan so a couple of months ahead of where I should have been but how am I going to cope seeing her progressing everyday? Any one had to do this, any tips?
Kat I am so sorry that you've lost your baby. I think the bruised/achy sort of pain I think you mean is fairly normal - there is inevitably a bit of trauma involved in opening your cervix and getting into your uterus. Hormone changes can affect your bowels so if you are constipated some sort of gentle laxative like fybogel might be an idea for a day or two so you are not worried about straining to go. If you feel unwell in yourself, are feverish, have any unpleasant looking or smelly discharge then get yourself checked out to make sure there is no infection. Take as much time off as you need. I'm a bit that a doctor suggested you go back three days after surgery, I've normally heard of people being signed off for at least a week after and often two, so I think you should definitely take next week to recuperate. You are going to find yourself suddenly surrounded by pregnant people, they seem to swarm out of the woodwork as soon as you have a miscarriage. Hopefully you'll be able to tell your manager what has happened and she will have the grace to then be sensitive about sharing her own progress. It's slightly helpful to tell yourself she's not having your baby and that they are not rationed, but I won't lie to you, seeing people sail through it hurts. Give yourself permission to opt out of baby showers, holding the new baby etc etc. You'll probably find you can cope ok with the reality of her baby as a little person, it's more the pregnancy that I've been jealous of. The Miscarriage Association has some really useful leaflets that you may want to pass on to work - one for employers about their responsibilities towards you and one for friends/colleagues about how best to handle it when "someone you know" has miscarried. Or you may prefer not to tell them what has happened and put on a work hat and have some normality - either is fine. The leaflet about your feelings is worth a read too, miscarriage can throw up some strange and conflicting emotions, but I guarantee they are all a normal part of grieving and that someone on here will have felt similar. Keep posting, it really does help.
Kat, firstly, I'm sorry for what you are going through. I had a MMC and ERPC about 7 years ago, between DS and DD1.
I found out about the loss on a Friday, had surgery (privately) on the Tuesday, and was back at work on the following Monday, but just because that was right for me, doesn't mean that will be right for you. Take as long as you need.
I remember feeling "period-y" but not being in pain.
In my case, it was found that there was a genetic problem with the baby that meant it would not have survived, this made it much easier for me to deal with it.
Yes, you will see pregnant women everywhere, but that is just because you will focus on them. Take a deep breath and carry on.
Thanks both, good to know I wasn't going mad about not wanting to go back on Monday.
The miscarriage association bits were helpful. I think with work apart from my manager I'm going to try and not tell anyone and do the work face bit. I work with a lot of youngish men and I just don't think they would be able to deal with it, which I'd find more awkward.
Thanks for the view on her baby, it seems obvious when you write it down but I will try and remember that when I see her. Obviously I don't want her to change to accommodate me, I just don't want to talk babies all the time!
On the erpc I'd say don't worry, I know it feels scary at this point but my experience was that everyone was really lovely at the hospital. There was a bit of waiting around when I got there but before I knew it I was off to theatre and then knew nothing about it till I was coming round. They give you lots of lovely painkillers so there is hardly any discomfort. I bled a fair bit afterwards so didn't get discharged until late in the evening but that isn't everyone's experience. I would suggest that you take some bits of clean yourself up with as I found that really helpful. Otherwise I'll have my fingers crossed for you and be thinking of you tomorrow, do keep posting here or send me a message if I can help since I'm a few days ahead of you.
On work I'm planning on going back Monday, I've asked to start with short days and they've been really understanding to think that everything will be ok. So far I've been dealing with my managers manager as she is on leave and just worried about seeing her as she's pregnant and all the emotions that is going to raise!
Crap GP! Hospital asked me to go see my GP about restarting some previous medication. She was full of 'helpful' comments that meant I just broke down and she turned patronising, I managed to stand up for myself and get out of there with what I needed but really some people are hopeless.