hoping to get pregnant again after stillbirth

[spuddy01]

Hi

I lost my lovely little baby boy Alexander 4 months ago he was stillborn at 40 weeks. We were both so happy to be pregnant before he died as we had been trying for a baby for approx 3 years. I am still grieving and although some days are better than others I am frightened that the pain will never go away.

I am also very concerned that I might not be able to get pregnant again even though I am still relatively young, I am only 30 I just can't help feeling that the only way i am ever going to get over the pain is to have another baby.

I would very much like to hear from you if you are in a similar situation or if you have had success after having lost a baby or if you had fertility problems and managed to have a healthy baby. It would be really nice to hear from you.

Thank you xx

[TaytoCrisp]

Oh spuddy this is just dreadful, I am so sorry to read this. I can't imagine how hard it is for you and DH/DP. It is still very recent so I imagine that it would be quiet natural to be grieving after such a huge loss. I imagine that the pain will never go away, but most people find that it lessens with time..

Although it is understandable to worry that you wont be able to get pregnant, given your age and the fact that you did conceive before there is nothing to suggest that you can't get pregnant again. It must be so scary as this was your first experience of pregnancy; however many people do go on to have healthy babies. My cousin had a stillborn baby in her late 20s, she subsequently had 4 children (though always remembers her first little one and visits the graveyard regularly).

You might find the rainbow babies thread in "conception" very helpful. Sorry but I'm not sure how to link via iPad.

I really wish you all the best spuddy. I hope you can be gentle with yourself and your partner as you continue to try to comes to terms with the terrible loss of your beautiful little boy.

Big hug xxx

[MexicanHat]

Hi OP. So very sorry for your devastating loss, my heart goes out to you. Alexander is such a lovely name x x

My friend's baby daughter was stillborn and she has gone on to have another baby. I know that SANDS have been a wonderful support for my friend and she has spoken to many women in her position. They have a forum where you can chat to people who understand what you are going through - www.uk-sands.org

[KleinePoppet]

Hi spuddy. I am not often on MN these days but was just browsing and couldn't ignore your post.

I am so, so sorry to hear about your beautiful Alexander. Losing your child is truly the most dreadful thing imaginable. My own baby girl died just over a year ago - the cord broke when my labour was induced at 42 weeks, and she died due to the subsequent oxygen deprivation when she was just 48 hours old. She was our first child and it had taken us over two years to conceive her (I am now 33 so not too much older than you). I won't pretend I'm not still devastated - both DH and I are still feeling pretty much upside-down, the grief is just so huge - but it has become easier to live with. You do learn how to manage the pain, with time, I promise you. It is so very early for you. Please be very gentle on yourself.

Since DD's death I have had an early miscarriage and a failed IVF cycle - but bear with me... after so much heartache, I am now ten weeks pregnant with a naturally-conceived little bean. It is still very early days of course but we are cautiously delighted to have got this far.

I absolutely understand the NEED for another baby and the worries about conceiving. Would it help you if, in addition to ttc, you and DH had some fertility testing done? I guess you may have had tests etc before... as did we, pre-DD, but having more tests over the past year has helped us to feel more pro-active.
I would echo tayto's suggestion to look at the 'rainbow babies' thread in the Conception topic. While I currently don't use MN much, the women I met on there shortly after DD died have become true friends and I remain in contact with them. They helped me through, when no one else could.

Sending much love to you, your DH and Alexander. I will be hoping and praying you will fall pregnant with his younger sibling very soon. xxxx

[BlueSkyandRain]

Hi spuddy I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Alexander. Please do come and join us over on the rainbow thread here.

I'm sorry I don't have an encouraging story at present; my son was also stillborn nearly 5 months ago now and although I had a positive pregnancy test last week I'm currently miscarrying at what would have been 6 weeks.
But there are and have been many positive stories on the thread, and however things go you will get support from people who have had similar experiences and who feel very similar things. It's been a real support to me over the last few months.

kleine I know we haven't 'met' but I joined the rainbow thread (under a different name) around the time you were last on there - so glad to hear your good news x

[PoshPenny]

I'm so truly sorry for your tragic loss of your baby son. May I hopefully offer you some comfort by telling you about my former bookkeeper who also tragically had a stillborn daughter. quite understandably she was terrified of getting pg again and possibly having to go through the same thing all over again.. Anyway she misjudged things and discovered she was pg again. turned out to be twins, a boy and a girl, both strong and healthy and everything went extremely well but she was too busy to do my books any more... may something equally as wonderful and joyous happen to you xxx

[tsw]

I'm so sorry spuddy. I'm also sorry to say I have been there too.

I lost my son at 38 weeks in March. I am currently 10 weeks pregnant now. To give you hope, it took one attempt the first month we tried (shamefully, I cried for two nights thinking I had missed our chance that month). It is possible!