Have miscarried at eleven weeks

(32 Posts)
MortifiedAdams Tue 20-Aug-13 15:37:40

Dont know what I want from this thread, maybe just to talk will help.

Pink discharge started a few days ago, then brown blood, then yesterday lots of fresh red blood and clots. Booked at EPAU for tomorrow 11am but in the meantime I had major bleeding and cramping and eventually passed the baby.

It was tiny, with limbs, although not massively developed, and I could see its spine through the skin sad

I feel all at sea. We have a little girl, who is staying at Nannas house tonight.

DangoDays Thu 22-Aug-13 13:44:39

Oh so sorry to hear you have gone through this. It is such a tough time and not helped by insensitive reactions where grief is not recognised. Unfortunately too common for those of us who have experienced it but means there are those who understand here and ready to listen.

Rest and look after your needs. Agree good to take the time off. Like 2beornot I went back too soon and really needed longer to feel better. I found a good loud sob to be a real release iykwim.

MortifiedAdams Thu 22-Aug-13 16:25:29

What did you all do with friends who didnt even know you were pg? I have three very close friends, one of whom knew. The other two didnt as one isnt fussed about kids and the other has just got married.

I dont know what to do - I feel like they should know just so they dont feel like ive kept it from them, but similarly, Im struggling to picture when and where it will happen.

Bambamb Thu 22-Aug-13 16:34:32

I told friends next time we were having a chat, as we did the whole "how are you" bit I just said I was a bit low actually as I'd just had a miscarriage. I was very lucky in that everyone close to me was really sympathetic, more than I expected. In fact prior to my own miscarriage I don't think I would have been that understanding of someone else having one (I'm ashamed to admit) as I was clueless about how attached you can get to something so tiny in just a few weeks. I didn't understand until I experienced it myself.
The only person who was not very sympathetic or understanding towards me was my dad but he is a bit weird emotionally anyway and I barely have a relationship with him, don't know why I told him. Suppose I thought he would be worried at the fact id had blood transfusions etc but no such luck.
Aaaanyway, this is about you not me, sorry.
Just tell them in the normal course of a conversation and hopefully they'll be supportive.

DangoDays Thu 22-Aug-13 16:38:53

Hmm I did tell some friends. Mostly when it came up and the moment felt right. I told people later on rather than immediately as I got support from a few really close to me, mostly hubby and a couple of really thoughtful friends.

A friend who I confided in at the time (was 4 years ago - now have ds) recently had a miscarriage. She told me that at the time she couldn't understand why I was so upset but now has found herself consumed with grief since her own loss. I will say it made her no less supportive at the time but just that shared experience can mean you have a really good ear.

I will add that anyone I did tell a little further on did not feel like they'd been excluded. I don't think true friends would react that way. So please put that aside. I am sure your friends would want to support you. Take care.

Noggie Thu 22-Aug-13 16:59:08

So sorry you have miscarried. It is such as sad time. Make sure you rest and take care of yourself as much as possible. I think it is really hard for people to know what to say- my mum thought a miscarriage was just like a heavy period hmm- she didn't get the grief at all. Fortunately my dad was better- turned up with chocolate and was genuinely upset for me. Definitely give yourself plenty of time and space- I was off work for 2 weeks but found going back to work really hard. It is also tough trying to get on with looking after a little one when you feel so sad. Take care x

MortifiedAdams Thu 22-Aug-13 21:51:09

Can I ask? How long til I stop aching? My back and hips are sore...Im having cramping on a par with a bad period and am just alnost constantly attached to my hot water bottle.

2beornot Fri 23-Aug-13 07:49:35

I only really told people on a need to know basis ie to explain why I was letting them down. But then I had already told a lot of people I was preg.

I can't answer the aching bit, I'm afraid. Luckily I never had that, but I'd say if its still there nxt week you should go back to docs

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