Thank you all so much for your kind messages. I'm so sorry for your losses but it is very helpful to know that what I'm feeling is familiar to people. And very comforting to know that it will get better.
These babies have been my first real experience of major loss and the first time I've experienced real grief. I never really understood how earth-shattering it can be.
I've arranged to see a therapist later in the week. I'm not convinced it will help that much but think the pessimism may be from how I'm feeling right now, rather than a true view of it. We'll see how it goes.
Thank you all again so much. It's very helpful talking to people who have actually been there and got through it. A lot of my friends are still doing <sad voice and head tilt 'how are you?> which really doesn't help.
Hi sugar. I think that all sounds within the bounds of normal. I've found I go into coping mode at the time and then it all hits me some weeks later. Grief comes and goes in waves that gradually get less powerful over time, but it can still catch you unexpectedly and floor you for a while. I've had 4 miscarriages so it's almost like I'm now able to observe myself going through the process "oh here's the bit where I am madly jealous of every pregnant person" and I know it's a stage of grieving and it won't last. You are not a horrible person. If you go to the GP they will probably suggest some counselling, which might be a good thing. I feel like I do my venting on here, but if talking to someone and pouring it all out without being judged would help then it may be worth trying to access some counselling. The Miscarriage Association will probably know of someone local to you, or they have a phone line if you just need to chat about it.
sugar you are not a horrible person, you are someone who has had a second MC within a year. Hormones and grief cause such pain and confusion, its horrible but perfectly ok and normal.
When I lost my baby at 12 weeks in April, I think after the initial all-consuming grief, the next hurdle came around 6 weeks or so. Its when you feel (and perhaps those around you too) that you should be adjusting but in your heart and head you are just pining and crying for what you have lost.
We have all felt that twinge of pain and jealousy and confusion when others announce their pregnancies - its OK to feel angry and shit - why wouldnt you??!
Oh - and of course its a personal choice about whether to get very drunk - but I have found it very therapeutic
hiya ur not a horrible person for feeling that way, i have felt ur feelings wanting to get drunk, cant be bothered at work, feel like a crap grumpy mum an partner. my sister is pregnant and i feel so negative towards her, i feel awful shes my sis i should be happy 4 her! i dont know what is normal to feel or not feel but i guess if things get to bad you should talk to your doc. im sory to hear about your losses and sending u lots of hugs! hope u feel better soon
It's been 6 weeks since I had my 2nd mc. This one was at 12wks, first one 9 months ago at 10wks.
I was doing so well coping with it, getting my head around it and feeling sad but manageable if you see what I mean.
And yet this week, I've just lost it. I'm so tearful over nothing, really pissed off over stupid little things and just feel like I'm going mad. It's not even baby-stuff that gets me going, its anything.
I feel like I'm being a shit mum to our toddler and a crap grumpy wife. I can't be arsed to try hard at work.
What I really want to do is just get very very drunk. But of course I haven't and I won't. I just want to not have to deal with feeling like this. I want to be numb.
A friend of mine has just announced her pregnancy, with almost the exact due date I would have had. And I just feel so angry that its ok for her and my baby is gone. And then I feel like a horrible person for feeling like that.
I've never felt so massively out of balance before. I don't know whether this is normal grief or something else - depression? Anxiety? I dunno.