Don't know what to do...

(14 Posts)
VodkaRevelation Sun 23-Jun-13 20:15:00

I found out on Friday I have had a missed mc. Have had a few days of light, brown spotting.

On Friday I was supposed to be 11 +4 but baby was measuring 7 weeks with no heart beat. The nurse I spoke to afterwards went through all the options and I said I wanted natural management. She said I could call any time if I changed my mind and wanted to opt for medical management or the operation.

I have been experiencing morning sickness since about 6 weeks and still am. The nurse and sonographer said my body thinks I'm still pregnant so I still feel pregnant.

I'm not sure I can bear a possible three weeks of waiting for it all to start. Have had no discharge today at all.

I just don't know what to do. Do I go for medical management to get things going and 'over with'? Does anyone have any idea on how long it might tskero move along naturally?

escorpion Sun 23-Jun-13 20:47:51

Oh sweetie, also had a mmc in february and I just wanted to get it over with and have the d&c. Baby stopped growing around 6weeks and I had been spotting all along. I didn´t want to risk infection either. I think although I was very sad, I was very relieved to get it over with in the end, so that I could move on. I didn´t think I could cope with a natural miscarriage after some of the stories I read on here. Just wanted to send you my love. I´m sure other people be here with advice soon x

VodkaRevelation Sun 23-Jun-13 21:05:25

Thank you escorpion. Did you have a second scan or anything or did you feel that you werencofident enough about your dates that they were right?

I think that's something that is worrying me but I know
I should be 12 weeks tm ad the scan showed 7 weeks so it is very unlikely a mistake has been made.

Thanks again for your words

Tomkat79 Sun 23-Jun-13 23:29:42

Hi Vodka, so sorry you find yourself here.

I also had a MMC, baby died at 8 weeks. We considered all options very carefully and opted for the ERPC. Very quick procedure and was in and out in a day. I'm very glad we chose this option as body started to MC naturally in the early hours of the morning on the day of the procedure. I had mild contractions and I found the whole thing very traumatic. I lost 'bits' but a further can confirmed that the baby was still there so they went ahead with the op.

Have you been offered another scan? Usual policy is 2 or at least 2 professionals confirming the MC.

The lovely healthcare assistant at the scan told me she had known it take up to 8 weeks for a natural MC to start. For me the constant reminder everytime I went to the loo was unbearable and as much as i wanted to hang onto the baby i also wanted it over with as quickly as possible so we could start trying again. I only bled very lightly for about 5 days post ERPC and AF returned after 4 weeks.

Sending you lots of love, take care of yourself x

Hi vodka

I am so sorry for your loss. I have had 2 miscarriages this year. The first was a natural miscarriage and it was pretty traumatic even though I was only 6 weeks - the bleeding continued heavily for a week even after passing the main sac and the pain was fairly intense. I not trying to scare you in any way it's just the was told it would be like a heavy period and it was not!!

The second happened a few weeks ago and I opted for the ERPC as I couldn't face the 'graphicness' of the natural miscarriage again. The procedure was quick and the pain and bleeding afterwards was light and physically I recovered a lot quicker than last time.

Whatever you decided please give your time and surround yourself with people and things you love.

Big hugs to you xx

CelticPromise Mon 24-Jun-13 08:14:37

Hi Vodka. I had a mmc earlier this year. I found out at 10+4 that the baby had died at about nine weeks. I felt quite strongly that I wanted natural management but I have to say the waiting was very hard. I had two weeks of spotting and cramping and fearing it would happen any time. I don't work much so that was not an issue, but I didn't want to be far from home and I had it on my mind all the time. The miscarriage itself happened overnight and was incredibly painful, much more than I was prepared for. I was on the point of going to A&E when suddenly it was all over. Sorry if TMI but I think the sac was stuck in my cervix which caused the pain, because I felt it burst and the pain was over immediately. A fair bit of blood but nothing I couldn't manage, and I bled for a week or so after but I was confident there was nothing left behind.

For me it definitely gave me peace to miscarry at home, to see my tiny baby and to do what I wanted with the remains. I'm well aware that is not for everyone but it was right for me. Having said that I'm not sure how much longer I could have waited with life on hold. I'm sorry it's a bit graphic but I wanted to tell you my experience. You will decide what's best for you.

squizita Mon 24-Jun-13 09:18:55

So very sad to hear of your loss. sad I have had 3 MCs, 2 natural and 1 ERPC.

I would now recommend ERPC if the pregnancy is past 7 weeks - physically, it is much more 'final' which is better. Do not underestimate the toll week(s) of waiting can take on your body and mind. Secondly, past 7 weeks MC can be very painful (it's very painful before that too) and there are risks such as blood loss and infection. Finally, the hospital can do pathologies which can give you closure as to 'why' and rule out potentially dangerous conditions such as partial molar - which I had, it turned out.

I know some people think choosing an ERPC is in some way 'disloyal' or 'unnatural', but the bleak honest truth, to me, was the embryo had died already - emotionally it felt utterly desolate to walk around with my baby's body inside me, no longer alive. Medically, having been through it before, I chose not to go through the whole painful, terrifying process at home (it isn't like a period and it is frightening and painful) so chose to go to hospital.

I am lucky I did. I am now being treated by Charing X for Partial Molar.

VodkaRevelation Mon 24-Jun-13 19:16:02

Thank you all so much for your kind words and for sharing your stories. I am so sorry for your losses.

My DH and I spent today talking through how we felt and what to do. I have decided to ring EPADS tomorrow morning and ask if I can have the ERPC operation. I am also going to ask them to scan again before hand as I don't feel I can make such a 'final' decision without doing so. I know what has happened has happened and have accepted it but it seems so much more controlled than 'letting nature take it's course' that I need to have that second confirmation of what has happened. Does that make sense?

Thank you all again. It's comforting to know there are such lovely people here who understand.

VodkaRevelation Mon 24-Jun-13 19:17:50

squizita I hope all goes well with your treatment. Thinking of you.

CelticPromise Mon 24-Jun-13 21:58:37

I'm glad you have made a choice you are at peace with vodka. Very sorry you are going through this.thanks

VodkaRevelation Tue 25-Jun-13 20:21:33

Thank you Celtic.

donttrythisathome Wed 26-Jun-13 00:51:21

Hi Vodka. I had a mmc a few weeks ago, and opted for an ERPC after 2 previous natural miscarriages. I insisted on a scan right before the procedure, as the baby was measuring right for the dates, just no heartbeat but I needed to be sure.

The ERPC was fine, although I do now have retained tissue. this isn't the norm though I believe.

Good luck tomorrow. It is sad.

recall Wed 26-Jun-13 01:02:01

I was in your position, and didn't know what to do either. Luckily my husband gently persuaded me to opt for the ERPC, he was more able to think clearly than me. For me, it was reassuring to know that it was all sorted out and under expert supervision. I don't think I would have been as strong as celtic, and would have been anxious waiting at home.

Good luck tomorrow sad

escorpion Wed 26-Jun-13 21:53:53

just saw your reply OP. I knew of the dates, didnt have a second scan afterwards, the fetus had shrunk at 8 weeks since the scan at 6 weeks, no heartbeat either which was detected at 6 weeks, so I knew it was over. Good luck for tomorrow. I am hoping all goes well and you find some relief in that it will be over, as awful as it sounds. The waiting really got to me.

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