Cripes you've had a lot going on and still going on. Death is hard, my step Dad died in Jan and it was a truly dark and dreadfull few months, it made me think about my Dad who died when I was in my early 20's and so sad for my Mum that he 2nd husband on 25 years had also died. It also made me think about the miscarraige I'd had between my two boys (11 & 6). Me and Dh have not really talked about the MC, we've talked about the night it happened, but not much more. To be honest I can't even remeber the dates, I just remember listening to a Maddona track 'Hung Up' on the way to the hospital which dates it; still can't listen to that song! I often think of the 3rd child I never had and the horrendous miscarriage, which left me needing a blood transfusion. I needed anti d's for a year after that, but came out the other side.
You don't need to pull yourself together, you have to be kind to yourself and experience the sadness not brush it under the carpet. It's different for men, the don't do dates, barely birthdays and anniversaries, but I am sure if you mentioned it he would talk to you about it. He probably thinks he does not want to upset you or does not know what to say. I think when someone dies a greyness descends which eventually lifts and dates/things pop up that can blindside us right back to feeling low.
I am now 42 and my dad when I was 27, now I have my own children we concentrate on things like fathers day less so because me and Dh don't have our Dads, but make it all about our children and my DH as the Dad now. Just shifting the focus, we said a 'cheers' to them both last night!
Are you doing anything for your anniversary? Can you focus on making that nice and relaxed fun? Try and squish a bit of joy back in? It has to start somewhere. Good luck with the operation, enometriosis is the pits, I had it pre kids and thankfully has stayed away, it was creeping back but i got a Mirena coil fitted and have never looked back, no periods, totally fucking marvellous!
Go get you DC's from school and go out for pizza or even a Happy Meal, break the boredom and sadness and be kind to yourself.