Recurrent Miscarriage Testing, trials and tribulations...Part 7!

(988 Posts)
squizita Fri 07-Jun-13 19:04:04

Hi all, carrying on from part 6. All kinicker-checkers, blood-testers, clinic-attenders and finger-crossers welcome. Nothing but love and crossed fingers...

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LateBloomer414 Sun 09-Jun-13 20:17:33

Daisy you do not have anger issues, I promise. All of these emotions are natural, or at least that's what I'm telling myself. I really believe there isn't anyone who has anything productive to say about the situation - even my sisters who have had mcs have put their foot in it. So embrace the hate because at least you can channel all the energy somewhere. Maybe don't punch anyone in the face though wink

PicardyThird Sun 09-Jun-13 20:17:53

Latebloomer, welcome to the CTNOWTJ (club that no one wants to join) and I'm sorry to hear of your dreadful experience. Welcome to you too, june.

I miscarried last month - no. 5 in total - and am not waiting to ttc. I do have a diagnosed potential cause and it's possible we were 'just' too late with the heparin or something last time, I suppose. Plus we waited after my mc last year, to get over it, for results of tests etc. and I don't want to lose all that time again.

I had planned to carry on taking the aspirin continuously, but then I read something which suggested it may make conceiving more difficult. So I have stopped it and will start again as soon as pg, whenever that is.

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts Sun 09-Jun-13 20:22:37

daisybell, you do not have anger issues. your emotions are totally normal. when you already have a child people seem to think that subsequent pgs/mcs aren't as important. like you should be grateful you have one and be done with. those were the people i hated the most. feel free to imagine punching them grin

xXjunebugXx Sun 09-Jun-13 20:34:59

It doesn't sound horrible latebloomer, it sounds practical. I think if I didn't just try and think of things in a practical sense I'd crack up. I completely get where you are coming from.

Daisybell1, totally with you! I hate that. I have been told a few times now that well at least you know you can get pregnant and you have a child so you can do it. Well yes, I did do it once....doesn't mean I can again, I haven't three times in a row now. And getting pregnant over and over at the drop of a freaking hat and losing them is just as bad (maybe) as not getting pregnant at all.

I found out last night that a friend is 18 weeks pregnant, she was moaning about feeling like crap. It took all my might not to burst into tears and honestly, I thought I was going to throw up.

Bakingtins Sun 09-Jun-13 20:40:28

LB a chapter of my life not including maxi pads made me giggle back, so we're quits hoping that chapter is soon for me, I bloody hate pads

Daisy you don't have anger issues, that's a normal response to the stupid things people say.

June we didn't wait last time, saw consultant pretty much immediately as we went private and had all the blood tests etc done within 6 weeks. Got pregnant after one period, though didn't use contraception first month. There was nothing in my results that affected what we did in that pregnancy. I think I would kick myself if there had been a positive result and I could have been doing something definite differently, then lost another pregnancy as a result, but you are quite likely to be in the 50% where nothing is found and then you feel like you have wasted time....dunno, tough one.
I'm going to wait this time because if last MC was not due to a chromosome problem I'm going to go see Prof Quenby and they insist you are not pregnant for their tests (uterine biopsy)
Haven't told DH he has to use condoms yet see above comment re maxipads it might make him feel like a teenager again!

LateBloomer414 Sun 09-Jun-13 20:55:09

i will say this - pads have come a LONG way since i was a teenager. I have been a tampon girl since probably 1988 or 89 so it was a bit of a delightful surprise to see what innovations have happened in the absorbent materials industry.

Obviously I am grasping at straws here to find the bright side in all of this grin

donttrythisathome Sun 09-Jun-13 21:03:56

TBH after being virtuous with my mooncup for years,a nice comfortable maxipad, with wings no less, was like slipping into a nice pair of slippers.

I don't think anyone could say the right things to me. An innocuous "I'm sorry" matched with a wincy face makes me want to run away screaming, not to mind if anything vaguely insensitive was uttered.

LateBloomer414 Sun 09-Jun-13 21:12:37

Don't I absolutely agree. The only pad worthy enough for my knickers comes with a set of wings.

aMuminwaiting Sun 09-Jun-13 22:05:45

Hi everyone. I share your anger Daisybell1. I have never gone full term but get "oh well at least you can get pregnant" or "at least you know you can get to the second term". Yeah, not helpful though really is it?!

I've been spotting again for the past few days. Pain in my uterus, sex is really painful which makes trying pretty stressful. I've been banging my head against a brick wall with doctors and hospitals for three years now. Benenden said they could help me and then I joined and now apparently they can only help me if I need IVF which I don't. I've been looking up hysteroscopy and wondering if any of you have had it? I'd like the polyps removed as they seem to be getting much bigger and bleeding more. If/ when I get pregnant again I don't think them bleeding will help my already very fragile nerves! I'd also really like everything checked out down there. I've seen how much the procedure costs the nhs so I'm not surprised it's not been mentioned before. Anyone had it on the nhs or paid for it privately? Any information would be really appreciated.

Daisybell1 Sun 09-Jun-13 22:46:56

I'm sorry Mum, I don't have any answers, just wanted to send sympathy.

Late Bloomer - for me, I tended to find the bright side lurking at the bottom of a bucket of wine....sorry, am facetious rather than angry wink

PicardyThird Sun 09-Jun-13 23:15:56

The one I struggle with most atm is the well-meant 'Be grateful for what you have'. As if I weren't! What it really means is 'your pain is making me uncomfortable and I want you to be your usual smily self pronto'.

Once last mc and once this, people I told what had happened burst into tears and I ended up comforting them confused The first time it happened - it was all a bit awkward, I am a shortarse and she was gigantic by comparison so I was reaching up to try and hug her - I asked her, feeling quite sympathetic, 'have you had a bad experience?' and she said 'no, it's just sooooo saaaad <wail>'. At that point I thought, hang on a minute, something's the wrong way round here hmm.

PicardyThird Mon 10-Jun-13 08:22:21

Morning all.
Think my period's here. Looks like my cycle hasn't missed a beat (it's day 28 since the ERPC). Mixed feelings. Mainly trying not to think about it.

squizita Mon 10-Jun-13 09:25:28

Latebloomer - you are so right when you say "I really believe there isn't anyone who has anything productive to say about the situation - even my sisters who have had mcs have put their foot in it." ... it is totally normal but (and I know I am putting my foot in it here) we have to understand it's part of our suffering and a crap thing about MC. The other person maybe saying something stupidly hurtful, or truthful and we don't want to hear it (people don't dare say 'what if you can't have kids' to me- but it's a statistical probability), or something that has helped others with recurrent MC, but not us ("my cousin had a stitch then a kid" - well I'm an early MCer, that's not helpful). They might even have been through it themselves. I am going to be very honest here with the flipside of the hurtful "well at least you have kids" comment and say that when friends who have a big brood say to me they had a MC after their 1st 2 DCs, so know exactly how I feel, I have to force a smile. Because the plain fact is I might never have kids - any kids - if this isn't sorted. But equally I would never say "I don't think you have the terror of being barren and alone forever" because that's one step away from "at least you have a kid". And for me, it hurts deeply that I am never allowed to mention this fear because it's 'not something you say' and might upset others.

And what comforts one person can make another terribly angry. I don't think even if people were psychic and/or always said the 'right things' from the booklets the anger would go away.

...and there's nothing wrong with being practical. If we weren't practical we'd go crazy (although some places - online and in the media - it's like MC is a purely emotional process and sadness is the only symptom. Not bleeding like a stuck pig or mood swings or fricken rare weirdo cancer stuff in my case). On some (dare I say American mostly) sites there's almost a cult of anger and emotion - I am very wary of my online browsing now... any site where it is suggested that pregnant women have itchy bumps or piles 'on purpose' and should be neither complaining nor too happy, and that it's OK to be a b*tch 24-7 without any self reflection that this is part of a mourning process (anger is very much part of mourning) I now dodge away from quickly!

squizita Mon 10-Jun-13 09:45:17

...I am v moody today because I have to wait till 3pm for my 1st bloods from Charing X. They could be good, they could be bad... WHO KNOWS. Just keep reciting to myself "no one dies, 80% don't need chemo, fertility unaffected, worst case scenario is menopause a couple of years early at 49 and I'm in my 30s..." grin

donttrythisathome Mon 10-Jun-13 10:57:14

Good luck with the bloods squiz. I hesitate to ask, but what is the worst case scenario from the test results? I agree no-one can say the right thing. For me, rmcs before I had a child would have been a very different experience to experiencing them after having a child. And I know others burn for multiple children, but while I do really want another child, I feel I will probably be ok if it doesn't work out as I already have a child. But maybe this is only because I still have hope.

Picardy, what are your mixed feelings? Were you TTC- sorry I am trying to read the back catalogue but I keep missing bits.

I've decided to take time off work. Feel guilty,which is stupid.

donttrythisathome Mon 10-Jun-13 11:00:17

And squiz I totally think you can mention your fears of childlessness to people if you want to. It's like the elephant in the room no-one mentions otherwise isn't it?

PicardyThird Mon 10-Jun-13 12:09:58

donttrythis - yes, we cracked straight on once the bleeding stopped. So a bit disappointed about that (I conceived mc no. 3 without a period after mc no. 2, so I have that as precedent, so to speak, albeit not a happy one), glad it's come quickly if it was going to come, not really wanting the whole cycle of period and ttc to start up again.

I was surprised to have it back so quickly, but it's happened before - after the ERPC previous to this one it took only 3.5 weeks and I found that oddly upsetting as it was such a shock.

Don't feel guilty re taking time off. You need to take care of yourself.

Squiz, really thoughtful posts, will write more when I have proper time. Holding your hand for this pm.

donttrythisathome Mon 10-Jun-13 13:45:48

Picardy, I want to crack on as well. I know I will have mixed feelings too if/when my period comes. As you say, good and bad that things are back to normal.

squizita Mon 10-Jun-13 14:50:19

Donttrythis worst case is: hcg is massively high so they bring me in for gentle chemo, and a few weeks on it fails to respond to gentle chemo, I have to have aggressive chemo. I hit the menopause 2-3 years earlier than I would otherwise and have to take a year out from TTC. So i would start again at age 36. As there is no history of early menopause either side of my family, I was assured this leaves a 4 year window in which 'the vast majority' of women are able to have a child. bit of course with my repeat MC I am scared. sad However, this only happens to a tiny number of women with my condition. Most just have blood tests every week till the body fights it off, or 6 weeks of milk chemo injections (which make you feel rough but do no longtime damage). Then you wait 4-12 months (depending on what they day) to TTC.

Picardy thanks for your kind wishes. Fingers massively crossed.

I have been telling off ahem delightful children for various misdemeanors all day, I suppose it's a good day for that as I wasn't jolly anyway - lucky I was in the right mood for it with all the stress. (My icy "do I look like this is funny young man!?! *DO I?*" face has been perfect). grin Would have felt guilty if it had been bunnies-and-lentil-weaving-club with some sweet fluffy kids and I was all 'grrr' for them!

xXjunebugXx Mon 10-Jun-13 15:22:44

I really hope it is good news today Squiz FC for you x

squizita Mon 10-Jun-13 15:32:36

Right, so my proper 'serum' HCG count on Friday was 265, lower than the crude count. I hope that means it's on the way down...

I KNOW it's on the way down compared to the 28th May (380) and the 3rd June (340) ... fingers crossed.

Ah well, half the time I wanted my HCG to get higher, and now I need it to get to 0 to get the all clear. Funny old world!!

xXjunebugXx Mon 10-Jun-13 16:09:02

Squiz, I don't properly know your story, did they think it could be a molar pregnancy?

squizita Mon 10-Jun-13 16:42:30

I've got a suspected partial molar tophoblastic condition, picked up via bloods alone because the pathology has come up (even at charing x) as non-molar, however I do have a 69 triplody. Therefore they are treating as partial molar.

Took a lot of puzzled doctors a few weeks to figure out what to do as I am an unusual case within an unusual case!

donttrythisathome Mon 10-Jun-13 17:56:54

Thanks squiz, hope that wasn't painful to explain. And hooray for the good news! I think it was good news anyway.

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