Think I'll just lie there with my eyes shut

(78 Posts)
Tomkat79 Wed 08-May-13 08:18:08

Feel so sick this morning. In 2 hours I have to have another V scan to confirm what we already know...there is no heart beat. Only one doctor could confirm it on BH Monday so another has to look today. More poker faces and silence. Ukg. Wish they could just hit a button on the scanner and this all just stops x

lotsofcheese Wed 08-May-13 15:23:22

I'm so sorry. It's the most desolate feeling in the world.

This won't be any consolation, but I had 2 ERCP's & found the process easy physically. And it did help me move on emotionally too.

Take it very easy & don't expect too much of yourself over the next wee while xxx

Forgetfulmog Wed 08-May-13 16:02:03

It will subside tomkat, just be kind to yourself & rest as much as you can x

BabsAndTheRu Wed 08-May-13 16:13:05

To Tomkat and Noahsmummy, sending all our love to you both. I remember thinking I was doing okay until I got to EPAU and couldn't even say my name. Horrible horrible shitty time.

Surreylass37 Wed 08-May-13 16:39:34

Glad to hear they were all nice and you didn't have to look. It's also good that you won't have to wait too long for the ERPC. I am hoping that I will be booked in quickly as I also don't feel I can grieve or move on until then. I am also struggling withDH as he is just acting like all is normal and that I should be too. How can I be normal when my body feels anything but?

Tomkat79 Wed 08-May-13 17:52:00

They gave me a choice of Friday sat or sun, it was a no brainer.

Sorry to hear struggling with DH, I guess he's thinking that if he acts like business as usual then he's being strong for you, whilst dying on the inside. Men are complicated beasts aren't they. Mine can do no right whatever but I keep apologising!

Xx

Tomkat79 Wed 08-May-13 17:52:38

Thank you cheese, mog and babs xxc

CupcakeFanatic Wed 08-May-13 18:23:10

I wanted to hold everyone's hand on here too. I had an ERPC in March, early scans revealed that the progress of my pregnancy had stopped at around the six week mark and a heartbeat had not started sad

I'll be thinking of you on Friday when you go in for you ERPC. Feel free to message me xxxxx

googietheegg Wed 08-May-13 19:07:55

Thinking of you tomkat, what a shitty day.

Forgetfulmog Wed 08-May-13 19:35:44

You're welcome tomkat, take care x

UmBongo Wed 08-May-13 19:57:16

Sorry for the shitty situation you and Surreylass are in this week Tomcat. I had a mmc a few years ago, I tried to wait for it to come away but it didn't and ended up in hosp for a day taking the drugs. Not. Nice. You are right to go for the ERPC and as soon as. It shortens this horrid limbo and you can start grieving properly.

In a few weeks/months ring and talk to the midwife counsellor. I did, I did nothing but cry on her but it really did help, the only time I have talked to a counsellor. Good luck for friday.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. xxxx

Tomkat79 Wed 08-May-13 22:03:50

Sorry for your loss cupcake. How are you feeling now?

Hey umbongo, it's such a crap decision to make isn't it. Hope I have chosen the one that enables my body and mind to heal as soon as.

My doctor called me this evening, having received hospital confirmation of MC. Omg, I was so so touched. You know how GP's can be crap...well she really cared and has signed me off work for 2 weeks minimum so that I can get my self together. I asked her if she'd been through this and she said yes. It's alarmed me lately just how many people suffer this terrible loss.

Bought a lovey lavender plant thing that I am determined to keep alive, despite my track record. In the pot We've put a rainbow coloured garden windmill/spinner with 6 bright petals on it, one for every week of Life that we knew. It's nice watching it spin in the breeze.

Noahsmummy, it's almost Thursday. Soon be Friday. Hang on in there my lovely. Xx

Surreylass37 Thu 09-May-13 07:10:03

Morning Tomkat, I hope you are doing ok today

It's Thursday now and tomorrow is Friday! What a difference a week makes this time last week I was excited for my 12 week scan the next day and turning 12 weeks and we were planning on announcing our news, This week I have a broken heart and am wanting a scan so that I can be offered an ERPC as soon as possible so that I can start to move on a little (after a week to think I think that is the best option for me) I wonder if my hospital will offer a weekend appointment like yours I would prefer not to have another weekend in limbo I will prepare myself for it though just incase.

That was lovely of your GP. It is alarming how many people have been through it .

The plant is a lovely idea as is the windmill xx

Forgetfulmog Thu 09-May-13 08:26:29

Good luck for tomorrow Surrey. I suspect at the moment you're really struggling to believe what's actually happened. It's a nightmare situation isn't it? I hope you don't have to wait too long thanks

Tomkat79 Thu 09-May-13 09:03:43

Morning,
I know, there is no way of making sense of any of this yet so don't even try. I'm sure your hospital will offer you a weekend apt if they can. They gave me Friday and sat option on Day procedure unit or the Sunday list via theatres and ward admission. The sun option would have been friendlier but I would also be next to women in for termination!! Err no cheers!

How's DH today? Hope the sun is shining where you are. It helps me. And dear little Noah. Bet he's had lots more squeezes this week. Don't think you can love them anymore do you, but this week I've felt extra blessed to have my 6yo and have spoilt him rotten!

Love love xx

Surreylass37 Thu 09-May-13 09:57:10

DH is at work, think he is ok though. He was quiet last night and stayed up til midnight painting doors. Seems being busy is his way of coping. How is your DH doing?

THe sun is shining at the moment and that really helps though doesnt look like it will be for long.

Noah has been getting plenty of cuddles and he is helping me through it though he has no idea. He keeps me very busy chasing around after him so distracts me a lot.

xx

Tomkat79 Thu 09-May-13 10:12:58

Bless him. Our DS made a wish last night that mummy would lay another egg real soon. No dry eyes anywhere!

Typing this watching my DH mend a retro nintendo game from the 80's. he's also keeping busy! My mum reckons my dad has been up in his shed lots since finding out. Bless em.

Off out for first time this week (apart from hospital visits!) into town just for change of scenery. It'll be friggin bumps, prams and babies on billboards. Grrrr.

Here's hoping the sun stays out xxx

Surreylass37 Thu 09-May-13 17:00:23

Aww bless your DS that's so sweet.

I hope your trip out went well and I hope there wasn't too many bumps and prams. I had friends round for a coffee not feeling particularly social. It helped a few hours go by though.

xx

Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Tomkat79 Thu 09-May-13 20:54:09

Oh dear. Tension running a little too high in this house tonight. Just had a fight over where some furniture is going to go. Stomach cramping like anything, am praying that bean stays put overnight as dont think I can go thru anymore and just want this op so can move on.

God life's a bitch sometimes. Can hear DH crying in the kitchen. Wish I could comfort him but feeling so wound up right now :-(

Forgetfulmog Thu 09-May-13 21:05:08

Handholding Tomkat. You're both going to get through this, I promise you.

Do you feel like you & DH could just hug each other?

Surreylass37 Thu 09-May-13 21:25:48

Sending you a big hug tomkat. Tomorrow is going to be a tough day and I will be thinking of you x

Tomkat79 Thu 09-May-13 21:37:52

We just did. Big hug that seemed to last forever. He needs to let it out as much as me but thinks he has to be strong bless him.

I'll be thinking of you too lovely. What time is your scan? X

Surreylass37 Thu 09-May-13 21:52:13

So glad you had a big hug. I need one too but DH is out hope he's home soon. Was kind of pleased Noah wouldn't go down to sleep for ages, must have known his mummy needed a cuddle (and a hair pull!)

My scan is 9.30. What time are you in? X
Ps just heard the car door so will get that cuddle now

Tomkat79 Thu 09-May-13 22:06:10

Yeah grab him and hold him as tight as you can for as long as you need. Our DS is full of questions. He knows mummy's tummy hurts right now and he asked if he could give it a kiss to make me feel better. Love that boy.

Glad it's an early scan for you. Push for weekend surgery if you can. We have to be there at 7. Am scheduled for the morning list so can be anytime from then on until about midday I think. DPU told me earlier that they have single sex wards to DH can't even be with me. They said they'd try and sort a side room. I'm like yes I think you'd better!!

Will be thinking of you in the morning. Sending you all the strength in the world xxx

Surreylass37 Fri 10-May-13 07:32:56

Thinking of you x

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