So confused right now

(10 Posts)
PointlessCow Tue 07-May-13 09:49:24

wouldn't have been able to find a HB

PointlessCow Tue 07-May-13 09:48:16

Oh Kate, isn't it awful. We went for our dating scan at the end of April only to find that the baby had died at 11+4, only a few days earlier.

In a way I am so grateful that the baby took the decision out of our hands as it were. Had the scan been slightly earlier, we'd have told everyone (the DC sad) and might not have even realised that the baby had died until 16 weeks when the midwife would've been able to find a HB.

Also, the baby could've lived slightly longer and whatever was wrong (assuming that something was wrong) might have only been made clear at the 20 week scan, and we could have faced an even more heartbreaking decision.

Musing here, and don't wish to offend, but in a strange way I think I have been lucky. Sending you hugs x

Tomkat79 Tue 07-May-13 09:16:47

Thank you. People on here are so lovely. Sun is shining and after crying self to sleep i put in 4 hours which will help. The initial wake up and oh god that was a bad dream lasted for seconds as the reality of what was actually happening hit hard again. Pah.
I've kept my 6 yr old DS off school as he's the light of my life and things seems much lighter when he's here. So we are well stocked and will be watching crap YouTube vids and playing on the wii.

Wishing you a lovely day xxx

Bakingtins Tue 07-May-13 08:21:53

Kate - sending you hugs. I remember so well being awake when everyone else was asleep and just raging at the unfairness of it all. Hope you managed to get some sleep.

MrsArmitageQOTR Tue 07-May-13 01:29:33

Kate, I'm really sorry you are having such a hard time. I miscarried too recently to try and share anything from my experience and I'm glad others have replied.
But I feel terrible for you that you're having such a bad night and i just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you.
x

Tomkat79 Tue 07-May-13 00:08:10

Bless your heart. You've really been through it. Thank you for your reply. I'm just laying in bed longing for sun rise. Everything seems so much easier to deal with in the day. Right now all I can feel is my tummy cramping up and then another loss of blood. I couldn't hate my stupid body anymore than I do now if I tried. Why did it show me a heart beat yesterday only to take it away today? Why why why. I guess we'll all never know. Damn you Mother Nature :-(

Irishmammybread Mon 06-May-13 23:45:51

Oh Kate, so sorry to hear you're going through this,it is truely heartbreaking.
I had three miscarriages last year.
My first was at 11 weeks.I started spotting blood and was booked for a scan at the EPU the next week.The bleeding progressed over the next few days and cramps started,by the time I was scanned I was bleeding really heavily but was told the baby had already been passed but the pregnancy sac was still there.I was given the option of natural,medical or surgical management but was encouraged to try natural as I was bleeding so much . It took another 3 days for the sac to be passed.The pains were more similar to early labour pains than the period pains my GP had euphemistically told me to expect,but it was manageable and I was glad I was at home. It took another about 10 days before bleeding seemed to settle,though further scans didn't confirm the miscarriage was complete till weeks later.
We waited one cycle,tried again and I got pregnant but lost this one at 6 weeks. This was more like a heavy,painful period and bleeding settled within a week and I got pregnant again straight away.
Despite 2 early scans showing a heartbeat and normal growth a scan at 10 weeks showed the baby had died a few days before. I still felt pregnant and had no symptoms to indicate there was a problem.
I was given all the options for intervention again but having gone through natural management before we decided to wait.We hadn't told our younger DC (13 and 8) that I was pregnant this time as they were so upset when I lost the first baby,so I didn't want to have a hospital stay to explain. It took 2 weeks to start to miscarry, this time the cramps started building up over a few days with no bleeding. Once bleeding started it was very profuse and heavy, I was glad I was at home and near the bathroom.
So I think each miscarriage even for the same person can be different.
From what I've read of people's experience of ERPC there seems to be less physical pain and a quicker resolution of bleeding,natural management can be quite prolonged.I believe medical managent can be uncomfortable. For me the natural approach was best but it's not a decision you want to have to make is it, you just wish you weren't in that position at all.
I hope your scan has a good outcome, if not,as Bakingtins says there's lots of support here from people who've been through the same and understand how you feel.
I found each time I sort of went into survival mode to get through the physical part and once I was over that the emotional aspect really kicked in.
Look after yourself.
x

Tomkat79 Mon 06-May-13 22:42:12

Hi Bakingtins

Thank you for your lovely reply. Here's hoping my body will at least get this bit right and help things along a bit xx

Bakingtins Mon 06-May-13 22:05:08

Hi Kate, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lost a baby at 10 weeks after seeing a heartbeat several times, somehow made it worse than my other 2 losses at 8 weeks in which I never saw a heartbeat, the baby was less real to me. In my experience the natural miscarriage process has only taken a few days once heavy bleeding starts, so you may not have to make a decision on Wednesday if it has continued. I did bleed for 7-10 days, but the worst of it and a 'complete' verdict was fairly quick. If I had a MMC then I'd want an ERPC to get it over with, if my body was already going through the process I'd just go with it, but it's different for everyone. I would cancel plans and stay at home the next few days though, you don't want to be dealing with this and trying to carry on regardless. Stock up on chocolate, maxi pads, some decent DVDs and painkillers and shut out the world. If Wednesday confirms bad news then add wine to the list as well.
The miscarriage association website is great for factual information on your options.
There is a lot of support here as you come to terms with this. Keep posting.

Tomkat79 Mon 06-May-13 21:00:29

Hi guys

I'm looking for some advice. I was 8 weeks pregnant and had been spotting since Wednesday last week. An early scan yesterday confirmed a heart beat and we were more relaxed. But today at work I started bleeding fresh blood and another scan confirmed that there is no longer a heart beat. Devastated as kinda thought that very slim chance of MC after detecting a heartbeat at this stage. :-(

Anyway, they've booked me in for another scan on Wednesday morning just to make sure. They've given me the choice of natural, surgical or medical management. I'm still bleeding quite heavily so do you think it would be best just to let nature continue to do its thing? I'm guessing the tablets/pressurise are best for those who haven't started to MC? It's so hard as part of me wants to put this horrible experience behind me quickly and move on yet I don't know what to do for the best. I'd opt for the surgery but I can't bear the thought of a GA. Pretty lame eh considering im a nurse!

I also don't want to be out and all of a sudden lose a load of blood/clots/sac! Although I'm not sure it would happen like this.

I'm kinda hoping that when they scan again on Wed this will all be some horrible mix up and everything will be fine. Hurts like hell, my heart goes out to anyone of you that is going through this right now.

Kate xxx

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