Lost our baby son 21+6

[Jellygem31]

Hi all

We lost our very much wanted baby this weekend , myself , husband and children are all equally devastated . I'm finding it very hard to cope and my mind seems such a muddle trying to process what has happened.

I was back and forward to the hospital for 3 days before they discovered I was in fact dilating and had an infection - still unknown . Early pregnancy unit, a&e , and labour ward over the course of this time. I feel angry and very upset as despite my pleas and tears that I was having contractions and i thought my waters were leaking they kept sending me home. I even asked for antibiotics the day before he was born but was refused as they didn't have swab results , despite an odd coloured vaginal discharge.

Our son was born at 21 +6 after they finally admitted me on Saturday some 12 hours later. They told me i was dilating with bulging membranes, and that my bloods showed i had an infection. I am beyond hurt , he was perfect with no other pregnancy issues.

I don't know what to do next.

[tribpot]

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Please keep posting as there are - very sadly - other MNers in your situation who will know what the next days will bring on a practical and emotional level.

Quite understandably it sounds like you feel your condition was mismanaged and I hope the hospital will offer you a debrief after a suitable period of time, but if not I would ask someone close to you to advocate for that when you're ready.

Have you chosen a name for your son? You don't have to put it here if you don't want to but if you would like to, please do.

[LibertineLover]

Jelly, I'm so sorry for your loss we will be here for you love

[Wishiwasanheiress]

I am so so sorry to hear this. I have no idea what to say to offer comfort. Wishing you all love and strength.

Keep posting. Mn has marvellous people around who are always here to listen at all hours. X

[Snazzynewyear]

I am very sorry to read your sad news. Make am appointment to talk through what happened with the hospital - certainly sounds like it needs a debrief. Maybe speak to PALS and see if they can arrange it.

[Bakingtins]

Jelly I'm so sorry. I think at the moment you need to take time with your family to absorb the shock and to start to grieve, but in your shoes part of that process in the medium term would be getting some answers from the hospital as to why it happened and if something went wrong with the way it was handled.

[Jellygem31]

Thank you all for your kind words and support - it really is a shock for all of us.
Although I do understand they could not make any attempts to stop the labour owing to the infection and risk to myself, I do believe more could have been done or an attempt made to treat me earlier.

I have been lurking on mumsnet for some time looking for other strories as early on I had a heamotoma at approx 7/8 weeks, heavy bleeding etc . But our little man clung on in there ... It seems so cruel for it have ended at this point after these earlier complications

[MoominsYonisAreScary]

I'm really sorry for your loss, we lost a little boy 20 months ago at 20 weeks due to incompetent cervix. I still have times when I am angry because I believe they could have done more to save him.

Try to look after yourself and keep talking if you need to. I found it very difficult to move forward and accept he was gone, it wasn't really until after the due date that I began to accept my perfect beautiful little boy had died. In rl people thought I should be over it or didn't want to talk about Jacob incase it upset me. I found the support I had on here kept me going at times

Xx

[Nobhead]

Hi OP I'm so sorry. IMO a late loss is truly one of the most heartbreaking things that can happen to you. We lost our baby at 19 weeks in Feb and it was just horrendous, like someone had just ripped the floor from underneath you and your heart right out. The emotions were so overwhelming, blaming yourself, others, stress of work, the flu jab I had. Guilt, anger, sadness and jealousy of others who just seem to breeze through pregnancy blissfully and mostly emptiness and grief for the life you and your family should have had.
What I can tell you is that with time it gets easier to come to terms with what has happened, it is no longer the very first thing I think about in the morning and last thing at night...but I do still think about my baby every single day.
Please be kind to yourself. Rest if you need to, take long baths, eat chocolate, glass of wine whatever you feel like. If you work take as much time off as you need to as going back is what I found difficult especially as someone I manage is due the same week I was.
We have a consultant appointment at the maternity unit in June for post mortem results etc. so if you have opted for tests expect them to take a while.
Your families priority is to look after each other now you will all be reeling from this for a while, accept any support you need and I would recommend counselling too.
Take care OP...you will get through this.